- Keep your cigs in your shirt sleeve so they don’t get crushed.
- Never get your girlfriend’s name tattooed on your arm.
- No harm, no foul.
- Parts is parts.
- When you look at other women, don’t try to hide it, just go ahead and stare.
- Only buy eight good beers, after that you won’t care if it’s Schlitz.
- Don’t pick your teeth with your knife after you clean your toenails.
- Always pick at least one longshot.
- Tell the cop, “give me a lecture or a ticket, but not both.”
- Judges don’t care if you lie.
- Always keep in touch with your probation officer.
- Paying income taxes is for suckers.
- Always have plenty of ones.
- Why buy the cow if the milk is free.
- Baffle them with your bullshit.
- Get around to it when you want to.
Your dad teach you anything like this? Mine didn’t either.
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