Things Dad Taught Me

  • Keep your cigs in your shirt sleeve so they don’t get crushed.
  • Never get your girlfriend’s name tattooed on your arm.
  • No harm, no foul.
  • Parts is parts.
  • When you look at other women, don’t try to hide it, just go ahead and stare.
  • Only buy eight good beers, after that you won’t care if it’s Schlitz.
  • Don’t pick your teeth with your knife after you clean your toenails.
  • Always pick at least one longshot.
  • Tell the cop, “give me a lecture or a ticket, but not both.”
  • Judges don’t care if you lie.
  • Always keep in touch with your probation officer.
  • Paying income taxes is for suckers.
  • Always have plenty of ones.
  • Why buy the cow if the milk is free.
  • Baffle them with your bullshit.
  • Get around to it when you want to.

Your dad teach you anything like this? Mine didn’t either.

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Things Dad Taught Me — 6 Comments

  1. Do what you want. People are going to think bad things about you no matter what you do so you might as well do what makes you happy.

  2. I won’t go into the things my dad taught me….but I will take this moment to wish you a very late Happy Father’s Day! I was busy having an existential crisis/heat stroke this weekend and didn’t make it online to wish you then!