Duking it Out with Gates and Dell

Bill Gates and Michael Dell and I are in a fight to the finish.

Dell sold me one of his computers.  We were off-line and dyin’ (oh, good song parody, make note.) so I got us back online as quickly as possible. After we checked email, I started the updates running.

Dell sold me a brand new computer that needed 41 updates to Gates operating system.  Most of them were serious security updates.

WHAT THE HELL? It’s a new computer right out of the box!

I should mention that I bought a XP system to avoid the crap that Gates call Vista.  XP has been around for years and it still ships needing major upgrades.

I started the updates running and went to bed, and slept like a baby.  After all, I don’t sell crap to people and still have a 95% market share.

Got up and updates had not installed.

So I wrote to my new friend Barbara (actually Pataritida) for help. After a couple days she sent me a two page single spaced email to help me fix my problem.

I have tried step one and it didn’t work.

Oh, there’s the bell for round two: Gates has taken his glasses off for this round, and Dell is standing behind him whimpering.  I think I will throw my old mouse and keyboard at them and see what happens.


UPDATE:  I’m hurt. Barbara may have to carry the next round. Dell did a Duo Core processor move followed by a See Colon Backslash by Gates. I was able to run while Barbara kept them from finishing me off.

Of course they had me disable my protection, so this next round may be interesting.

UPDATE: We won by a technical knock out.  Barbara was wonderful. She knew a Windows Update Agent 30-86x who did what she called a front slash wu-force. She called for a restart and that did them in.

I couldn’t have done it with out her.

I’m exhausted, I think I’ll watch some Teletubbies.

UPDATE: The guy that ran Dell into the toilet is doing OK.

 $48.5 million for stock options he earned while at the company. The odd part about the deal is that, according to The Wall Street Journal, the “cash payment program [will] include expired options.” That is, options that he no longer has any rights to.

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Duking it Out with Gates and Dell — 3 Comments

  1. I have a Dell desktop and I would rather gnaw my arm off than talk to a Dell rep (I think we’ve discussed this before) so I applaud thee for fighting so valiantly and winning!

    My laptop runs Vista and I was SO nervous buying that thing – I had heard so many horror stories about Vista. But, so far, so good. Although, I really don’t see much of a difference in it and XP. It’s pretty to look at and all, but I get along fine with XP on my desktop and to be honest, I’ve disabled a bunch of the extra shaboozie that Vista offers.

    “Barbara” indeed.

  2. Ya know, I’ve had two people tell me that Dell Hell is gone!
    I’m glad you and Vista are getting along. All in need is something to blog with but she needed more speed and memory for downloading patterns.