Imagine I’m In Your House with a Hose.

I’m not sure where Grandad lives exactly in Ireland, sometimes I think he’s not sure either. I do know that he likes to be a moving target usually hiding out in the woods, or belly down in his garden with Sandy nearby.

It’s apparently been a rainy season at his house. He writes it is always pissin’ rain.

Today it’s raining on him again – and he’s inside.

It appears to be under control.

So there I was at about three o’clock this morning, up on the roof, in the pitch dark. It had started to rain at this stage, so I was wet as well. The tank was fine. So was all the plumbing. But the weatherproof casing that surrounds the tank was full of water. and the only thing I could do was bail this out by hand.

I would say I got about 20 gallons out, in all. It stopped the waterfall in the bathroom. So I tidied up and went to bed.

Like all good bloggers, my story is much better.

Since my wife was gone, I needed to slip home at lunch and release the hounds. As usual, I had slipped my shoes off at the front door (I don’t like shoes much.) As I headed down the short hall to the bedroom where the dogs were crated, my first step was a squish. Not a dampness, but a squish, where the water quickly covered the top of my sock.

The hall went past the water heater closet so I knew I was in trouble. It had sprung a small leak. I reached the top to turn off the water inflow, but since I really didn’t want 40 gallons of water in the carpet, I quickly ran to the garage to get a hose, hooked it up to the drain faucet, attached the hose and proceeded to twist the faucet off the heater.

Now I have 40 gallons of hot water gushing out the pipe the size of a garden hose and splashing off the side of the gas furnace.

I jumped back, swore profusely, and panicked. I looked for anything to catch the water. Wastebasket after wastebasket filled up, when I realized this geyser wasn’t slowing. It was coming full force, and worse, the water was now cold.

I reached up to turn the shut off valve as hard as I could, but it wouldn’t budge anymore. So I jam the hose up against where the drain valve used to be.

Now what? I’m getting drenched from the spray, and I’m all alone. All alone. Think.

The water meter is in the front yard. Where is the wrench to shut it off? How the f*ck do I know? Where’s the pipe wrench? Toolbox. Plan: drop hose, grab pipe wrench, dash out front door and shut off water.

The first time I took the hose off was frightening. Imagine I’m in your hallway with a garden hose going full blast. So I jammed the hose back against the hole where the drain valve used to be.

Gotta be more prepared, there is going to be a lot of water coming out. Ignore it. Just get it stopped as soon as possible.

Out the door I dash, shut off the meter, come back inside and wait and wait. There is a lot of water in the pipes from the meter to the hot water heater.

Finally it came down to a trickle.

I’m very unhandy, but I know which way to turn a faucet to shut off water. I can’t control a plastic faucet breaking (common they tell me due to the heater.) When they replaced the heater, it seems that they put the shut off valve on the wrong pipe. It wasn’t between the meter and the heater, it was between the heater and the house.

I still don’t know where that water came from.

I blame Global Warming.

Said Grandad. Good reason, and one that I can’t use. But I do know where our meter wrench is now – right beside the water meter outside.

Now if I only knew what that one light switch was for.

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Comments

Imagine I’m In Your House with a Hose. — 4 Comments

  1. ROFLMBO!!! Ok, sorry, but your misfortune turned MY day around. No sleep, up since yesterday morning (Sonic raspberry tea is the culprit…lots of Route 44’s filled with it), clients calling for help they desperately need NOW. Brain is fried…can’t think NOW. Read this and cracked up as I visualize your dilemma…fuzz clears with all the laughter meds flowing…brain works NOW…although just momentarily.

    Got any more stories?

  2. Hi Angela,
    I’m glad I could perk you up. I’ll try to come up with more stories.