In order to be considered for a job as an airport security screener for the Transportation Safety Administration you must be:

• Overweight or retired
• On a power trip
• Incapable of smiling
• Consider cheesecake a liquid
• Pay no attention to written directives from superiors
• Have no common sense
• Incapable of eye contact
• Dress like a mall cop
• Peform a job that is totally ineffective