Cousin Jeff: Hacked Up Lover to Feed His Dogs.

My best half keeps telling me somewhere back in her family tree she was related to Pocahontas. Since her grandfather was Ben Smith, who am I to argue? I encourage her to find out, I want some of that Native American treaty money the gummit gives away.

But she just isn’t motivated.

I never could top her story. I didn’t know of any extended family members with a good story attached.

Until today.

I am related to a guy that killed his girlfriend and fed her to his dogs.

My source is irrefutable. It’s a person I have never met or set eyes on. It is another blogger. I found her through another blogger. My CSI skills allowed me to establish that she lives just six miles from where I grew up.

After we exchanged emails, Janna asked me if I had ever killed my girlfriend and fed them to my dogs. Janna is not a subtle blogger!

I said no.

She didn’t believe me, she had to ask her Mom.

Her mom told her it the murder’s name was Jeff Same-Last-Name-As Mine-And-Not-Really-That-Common-Especially-In-Tiny-Towns.

As far as she knows I am not that same man. bwahahahaha.

Cousin Jeff killed his girlfriend in the mid-90’s Janna tells me. He was so proud of his work, he told all his buddies. I guess they made the dogs purge up enough DNA they could make a case. Or maybe it was her locket in the dog poop, I’m not sure.

Being a total skeptic, I wasn’t convinced until she cited a second source (other than her mother.)

She said it was in the National Enquirer. And Janna said “I swear it’s true.”

Take that Best Half. I gots me a killer to talk about. A killer dog-lover too.

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Cousin Jeff: Hacked Up Lover to Feed His Dogs. — 13 Comments

  1. Only you could find that interesting, rather than awful. If I were one of your dogs I would be worried. And your better half ought to be looking over her shoulder.

  2. My dogs are going to be SO jealous when they hear this. I am still feeding them Purina One, and now they are going to be demanding my husband and/or offspring. Or me! (I hope Ben doesn’t give them the shits like the pig ears do.)

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  4. That’s mental. Why are the dodgy characters always called Jeff?!?! This particularly interests me seeing as one of my husbands is called Jeff and he’s a bit of a dodgy character.

    I have a big dog. I hope I don’t end up in piles in the back garden too.