Releasing the Chocolate Hostages is One of the Reasons I Get the Mail

While my dog was releasing the chocolate hostages – aside, why does a dog with shit it it’s breed (Shih-Tzu) have so much trouble finding a place to live up to its breed name? 

  • Front yard only: trot trot trot, circle, circle, trot, circle, trot, trot, smell butt, trot, circle, circle, circle, trot, squat, plop.

When he gets that look in his eye, or I think he should have that look in his eye, I say “mailbox.” It just sounds better than “Oliver Shit?” “Oliver Poo?” is just gay. I get the mail and he does his thing.

I love getting mail, because I sign up for freebies. Today I got two Shick Quattro Razors. Wasn’t Quattro the guy inside the other guy in the “take-a-trip-to-mars” movie starring Ahnold? On the outside of the box it says “more standing ovations too.” Maybe I’m supposed to shave my pubes. I’ll get back to you on that.

 Also the mail person brought me a box with a cute little bucket inside (some say pail, but it’s a bucket.)  It was from The card said “We aren’t kicking the bucket any time soon.” It was from my friend Jay, who let’s me post my stuff on Boomspeak from time to time. It is now my official shot glass. It holds four ounces. A standard shot glass holds from 1 1/2 to 2 ounces. Be sure to come over and let me fix you a drink. Ask for a double.

The other thing that is really cool about the bucket (see why it has to be a bucket and not a pail?) is that it leaks a little. Just like a boomer.

Also, while making the trip to the mailbox, I FOUND CANDY!

  • .7 oz Reece’s Pieces
  • 2 pieces of Chocolate Laffy Taffy (its wrapped so I know Oliver didn’t leave it)
  • 2 Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups

Hell yes, I’m going to eat it.  If the five second rule applies to dropped unwrapped food, the three day wrapped food rule applies.

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Releasing the Chocolate Hostages is One of the Reasons I Get the Mail — 2 Comments

  1. Funny — we never thought of drinking out of those buckets (Midwest) or pails (New England). Whatever you do, please keep the buckets and the Quattros far apart, because there’s the whole “hair of the dog” contamination scenario running through my mind.