Monthly Archive for December, 2007

Page 3 of 20

Paris Hilton Learns From Grandad, Sues His Ass, Nuns Lose Again; She Becomes Lady John.

Paris Hilton’s Grandfather is Barron Hilton. The money he isn’t passing along to his heirs is money he got by suing his father, Conrad.

Conrad Hilton established the foundation in 1944 and when he died in 1979 left virtually all of his fortune — including, according to media reports at the time, a 27 percent controlling stake in Hilton Hotels — to the charity.

But Barron Hilton challenged the will and after a nearly decade-long legal struggle reached an out-of-court settlement to split ownership of the shares with the foundation in 1988, The New York Times reported.

The lawyers are lining up now. I think I could win this case. Precedent and all that. Why not sue? It’s not like people will lose respect for her.

Take money from the nuns? (Conrad left money to Catholic Charities.) They’ll get over it.

She should sue. How can she live on just $5 million? Seriously, when you drop a couple grand on a purse and you need a different purse for every outfit, what’s a gal to do?

She may make millions from showing up for parties, endorsing smelly stuff, Carl’s Jrs. Burgers, etc.

But in the long run, until the lawsuit settles? She needs to find a sugar-daddy. Hmmmm, here are some thoughts:

  • Mr. Blackwell – not rich enough, oops, gay
  • David Bowie – gay.
  • Chasity Bono – I wonder how much money she got when Sonny croaked?
  • Neil Patrick Harris – ahahahaha, picture those two together, even if he wasn’t gay.
  • Rosie O’Donnell?

I got it! I got it!

Elton John! Sir Elton John! That would make her Lady John. Opens up a hole new line of endorsement possibilities.

OK, I can rest now knowing that our American Idol has a secure future.

 

Things I Know from Reading Blogs

Things I know from slogging the blogs recently. Wish I would have thought to keep the links. Well, you’ll just have to trust me. It’s on the Arapanet.

  • If you put a camera flash up to your nostril and flash it in a totally dark room, other people can look in your ear and can see your eardrums light up.
  • Their are nine states with the letters B, U, S, H, in their names the rest have D, O, P, E, in them.
  • The left side of a river is always lower than the right because of the earth’s rotation.
  • Kidney donors are urged to drink light beer before donating.
  • Dreams about victory aren’t.
  • Habeas Corpus means Here’s Your Corpse in West Virginia
  • Pennies aren’t worth keeping.
  • Nickels aren’t worth keeping.
  • Foreskin isn’t worth keeping.
  • Guys named Buddy usually aren’t.
  • Social anxiety is the reason dark haired children learn to ride bikes later.
  • Boyfriend bingo is not popular east of the Mississippi.

AARP Cover Teases: ALL Your Music Sucked; 60 is Not New 40 – it’s OLD; Vietnam – Get Over It!

aarpcover.jpg

Thanks

Cartoons Before Movies Are Back!


How did I forget to tell you this earlier?

Before the National Treasure movie (a barn-burner as I predicted) there was an animated short subject. A cartoon! Just the the old days.

I kept waiting for the commercial message, but there was no blatant pitch. Being a skeptic (understatement of the hour) I think Disney was pushing HDTV.

The cartoon was about Goofy (the one that walks on two legs) getting his new home theater set up. It was well done. One scene was getting all the components: about a dozen, another was opening up the blister pack for the cables which then exploded into red and black and blue spaghetti covering Goofy.

There was a reference to the handy plug in jacks – located at the rear of the unit – which Goofy solved by taking a chain saw to the outside of his house. Locating the speakers, the two dozen remotes and more.
It was cute. I give it four stars (out of four.) I guess if I want to see more cartoons, I need to stop going to R rated movies.

But I still think it was a plug for Disney HDTV.

Jokes for Those 8 Year Olds Still Hanging Around

You may still have some eight to 10 year olds around the house that are starting to wear thin.

Here are some Santa/etc. jokes you can spring on them which will endear you them forever. These jokes should probably only be used by uncles.

  • What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney and there’s a fire? Crisp Kringle
  • Why does Santa have three gardens? To Ho! Ho! Ho!
  • What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A “Holly” Davidson!
  • What has two legs and bleeds? Half a Rudolph.
  • Why does St. Nicholas have a long beard? To cover his North Pole.
  • Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? Because he only comes once a year and that’s down a chimney.

Well how long do you want the parents to let their kids stick around their weird and inappropriate uncle?

If that doesn’t work singing this while looking at your gun cabinet…

Oh, you better watch out
You better not pry
You better stay back
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is wielding a gun

He’s making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who
He’s gonna ice
Santa Claus is wielding a gun

Don’t give him any trouble
He’ll blow you right away
Don’t give him any cause to shoot
Or you’ll make his Christmas Day