Dancing with the Stars for the HGH crowd is back on NBC: American Gladiators!
It’s basically the same program that when off the air ten years ago, except the Gladiators have ‘Roid Rage. In the good old days, they used to love on the contestants after they completed a segment. If the contestant made it past the Gladiator, it was all gropes and smooches.
Now, the Gladiators are infuriated if they look “bad”.
The exciting news is NBC put out a casting call for new Gladiators. I can’t dance - so that reality show is out. I can’t sing - so that reality show is out. I’m afraid of bugs - so that knocks that reality show out. I’m afraid of driving on the opposite side of the road, so that show is out. I’m married - and that knocks out the rest of the reality shows. I could get arrested, I guess, but I don’t think you get paid for that reality show.
That leaves American Gladiator. I’ll be starting those HGH shots sooner than I thought. I need to bulk up a little.
Then I need an American Gladiator name! Some of the current ones are:
- Fury
- Stealth
- Justice
- Venom
- Militia
I’m thinking:
- Boomerroid
- Mustard Gas
- Milly
- Going Like Slimy
- Mr. Fenster
- Detacher
- Mass Infarction
- Toxic Timmy
Obviously I need help. I have a while to bulk up (I think I’ll substitute milkshakes and M&M’s for the HGH, but I do need a great American Gladiator name pretty quickly.
In keeping with the 1-word naming convention, how about:
* Incontinent
* Fiber
* Dialysis
* Cynic
* Security (as in Social — same category as Justice)
@Thornton: Too wimpy, except Fiber has potential: Fiber Phil, or CyberFiber…
Forget the 1 name silliness and use a real gladiator name: Grandus Scrotimus Sixtius
Decrepiton!
@thesavvyboomer: Oh, like that a lot!
@Mr. Fabulous: close… may The Defecator!
I like “BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMER MAN!”
It’s a bird, it’s a plane—no, It’s Boooooommmmmer Man!”
You could get your own TV series and have merchandise made in your honor and we can all say we knew you when
@Bev: LOL - Love the merchandising idea. I guess we should get the ™ on that. Big B (instead of a S) on the chest. Limits our market to men only, can you think of a female version?
I couldn’t read the rest after I saw that picture. Is that for real? If it is, god, he is wayyyyy ugly.
@The Absurdist: I found it on the internets.
Sexagenarius?
Nanciamoratus?
@Polly: Oh, I like. I like. Best so far. Thanks.
Aiken, a Raleigh native who gained fame as a runner- up on American Idol; once worked as a YMCA counselor. The committee’s Web site said it advises the president on issues pertaining to people with intellectual disabilities. The committee was established in 1961 by President John Kennedy as the President’s Panel on Mental Retardation.
@David Archuleta: I remember 1961. I’m sure if I click your name link I will be justly rewarded with lots o’ adware and spamware. Thank you for spamming my site, now buzz off.