Dead Monday Gets Closer – Read and Learn

An asteroid will hit the earth Monday. Because of the enormous impact earth will be knock off it’s axis. Developing a wobble like a overfed rooster in a high wind, earth will look like a crepe without strawberries, but with a drizzle of chocolate and powdered sugar.

Here is more stuff you need to know.

  • The new DVD format was to be called Blew Ray, but Mrs. Ramone would not sign a waiver for the use of her image on the disc. Blue Man Group blows, so a deal was struck with them. The format is Blu-ray.
  • Bcco Pb Pl is Bacco Par Baked Plain according to bakery workers at Kroger. Since they were Kentucky women, par could mean power. However, upon further retrospection and refraction, we decided Pb is pre-baked. We are suspicious of Bacco, because the company owned bakery is called Country Oven.


  • It’s always better to have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
  • Sarah Tonin used to be depressed. When she consulted with her Shaman he told her “give peas a chance.” She did and felt pretty average. She gave the teacher a gift of love. His response: “Peas don’t please the Shaman.” She is now working at Taco Bell.
  • Nubian Kings ruled Egypt for 75 years. Nobody noticed because they all look alike.
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Dead Monday Gets Closer – Read and Learn — 7 Comments

  1. So the world will begin to end when that asteroid hits at 0500 GMT, which is 10 pm on Sunday my time. Hey, Going Like Sixty, if you’re in Kentucky and an hour ahead of us, send me some email and let me know what to expect.

    I went to that website and read about that asteroid. Too bad it will hit in the southern hemisphere. If it’s the size of the Sears building in Chicago and it HIT the Sears building in Chicago, would they cancel each other out?

  2. @Gretchen: LOL who knows?
    @Me Again: I’m glad you figured out the time, so you are saying that we are all going to die Sunday? Nuts. I had a movie I wanted to see. I agree about the matter/antimatter collision. What is the biggest building in the S. Hemisphere? Or maybe if it hits Big Jesus in Brazil?

  3. Jesus. Don’t get me started. “Family Guy” has Jesus on all the time, sometimes scamming girls. Sam’s friend is having a magician at his birthday, but Sam says he wants JESUS at his party because he can turn water into wine or diet Coke, or (perhaps) turn lame presents into cool action figures. (I am SO going to hell. In fact, this will probably become a weekly feature on my blog: Who’s Going To Hell?)

    In So Cal, we have not Big Jesus but a large evil Santa at the seaside around Carpinteria (south of Santa Barbara) which I believe someone eventually took down. Underneath him was a Christmas ornament and candy store, oh so sweet except THERE WAS ALSO A GIANT ASIAN-STYLE TEMPLE BEHIND HIM WHICH NO ONE COULD EXPLAIN. The cult of the evil Santa? They probably wound up in Hell, too.

  4. I think a more important question with the end being so near is which Fox News hottie would you most want to bang between now and the time that the asteroid hits?

    I am partial to Julie Banderas myself.

    BTW – The apostrophe key on my laptop keyboard has just shit the bed. It looks like contractions are now out of the question. I will be speaking like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation for a few weeks until I figure out what to do. Possession is also out of the question. FUCK GATEWAY!

  5. Gretchen: It doesn’t take much to get you started! 🙂 I think the “who’s going to hell” is a great idea. Jesus the Magician: what a concept!
    @Richard Longwood: HAR. Sorry about the ‘postphe dude. Just use a comma. It will drive people batshit.