Great New Idea, Just Needs a Few Tweaks

On the surface this seemed like a bandwagon I could leap onto like a musical instrument salesman would jump on a librarian.


But during a five minute car ride which I nearly ran over a jogger, a walker, a pokey driver, and a kid on a bike, I decided there already is just the right number of people in the world today in my neighborhood.

The foundation has put death on notice

Look at our history, you’ve been messing with us since day one. That equals approximately two hundred and fifty thousand years of you being a dick. You’ve starved, dehydrated, frozen, overheated, plagued, diseased, sickened, drowned, and crushed us, to name just a few. Oh, and perhaps the most sinister of all, poisoned us with berries that look very similar, if not more delicious, then the ones that are usually okay to eat.

It’s one of those good ideas that just needs a little tweaking. For example, I would allow death by:

  • dehydration
  • freezing
  • boiling
  • drowning
  • crushing
  • injectables
  • car wrecks

You have to be really stupid to die from those causes. So let the stupid die.

I’m tempted to add starving to the list to, but some places just can’t grow food because of the sand or the poppies.

I’m saying the foundation over-reached and should have focused on giving death a notice strictly in these areas

While we’re chopping down your favorite guises—infectious and parasitic diseases, cardiovascular disease, cancer, respiratory tract infections and AIDS…

I think this foundation is funded by Bill and Melinda Gates because he hasn’t gotten Microsoft Everlasting Life out of beta.

I bet Google ™ has it.

I found this signature recently, it’s pretty gay, but no since letting it linger in a dark folder.

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Great New Idea, Just Needs a Few Tweaks — 11 Comments

  1. Ahhh, social Darwinism. I love it. The permanently baffled should be stopped from passing on their bafflement.

    That is the gayest signature I have ever seen. That signature is like a pink tutu and a feather boa.

  2. Hee. I learned to say “baffled” because I got flamed for using the word “stupid”. Because stupid people are another special interest group whom you must never, ever insult.

    Bury that signature deep in the closet. You aren’t in New York or L.A. — don’t they beat the shit out of faggots where you live? (They sure did in Delaware in the ’70s and ’80s.)

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