The toughest job in television has to be the morning chatter.
Quad-hosts: Chatter shows always have four hosts.
Tough because your face time is limited. People go into television – especially chatter shows – because they have egos large enough to fill a oil tanker. Having to share that face time with three other people is hard. Plus you have to pretend that you actually like the other person.
Harder yet is to pretend that you are listening and care what they are saying.
Jimmy: “Consuela, have you ever eaten a fingernail?”
Consuela: “Jimmy you are such a tease, of course I have. Our next guest explains how fingernails are the first thing men look at.”
Duke: “That’s not who I look at Consuela.”
Tiffani: “Well, Bob, that’s because you are married to that ugly dude you found during Fleet Week.”
Limited Attention Span of Audience:
Since there is no plot, and the segments are varied, viewers wander in and out with their attention span.
Duke: “Our next guest wore his wife’s underwear on his head for a month and nobody noticed.” Welcome Mr. Trump.
Mr. Trump: “Thanks Duke.”
Duke: “So why did nobody notice?”
Mr. Trump: “It was under my toupe.”
Duke: “Next up, we’ll find out why Kosovo should be our next major concern in the war on terror.”
Duplication of Topics:
From day to day the topics conflict with or contradict other segments:
- Get Thin to Stay In – Is Anorexia Spoiling Our Looks?
- Spend Your Way to Happiness – Will You Outlive Your Money?
- Does your Pet Love You? – Training Your Dog to Stop Biting You
- The Foods For Fun – China Celery Has Lead!
- Pucker Up, How to Plump You Up – Woman Gets Fat Lip from Brother
- Hollywood Starlets Personality Tips – Paris Ritchie Lohann In Rehab.
Serious or Stupid:
Tiffani (giggling): “Over to Consuela who takes us to Arkansas for the latest on blood diamonds.”
Duke (behind the news desk): “Up next, why horses and vitamins are not interchangeable.
Consuela (sitting on couch showing her awkwardly crossed legs): “After these messages, we’ll find out how posture can effect your hearing.”
Jimmy (who is overweight): Next, I’ll talk with the author of “Being Overweight is Just Plain Ugly.”
Next toughest job in television: the camera operators who have to listen to this drivel day in and day out.