Weekend Update: Things You Need to Know

Since we are all going to die Monday there are some things you need to know. I will be adding to the list throughout the weekend. If you have a burning question, see your physician. Otherwise, I’ll do my best to help you out, which way did you come in? I’m GoingLikeSixty and I’ll be here all weekend.

  • Jonesville, MI and Jacksonville, FL were named after Baronness DeVille. She left Jonesville because it was too friggin’ cold and settled in Jacksonville where she bore many illegitimate children named Brad.
  • Liquified Propane Gas has an SPF of 45 and may be used as sunblock if you avoid open flames
  • Walt Disney barfed regularly in Marcelline, MO. One time it was in the shape of a steamboat and a legend began.
  • Drivel is a combination of driving swivel. A driving swivel was used during World War I on mules hauling great big shells called “great big shells.”
  • Big Ass Fan is the best name for a company in the world today. I once tried to justify buying a Big Ass Fan, but knew people would snicker behind my back. Instead, I bought glue.
  • 6,399 is a significant number sometime in the future, but forget that, because we are all going to die.
  • Lohann in Chinese means Lo Han. Lo Han was the concubine of Emporer Hitachi Moto during the Wang Chung Dynasty.
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