Monthly Archive for February, 2008

Page 3 of 19

Last Name First, First Name Last, Middle Initial Optional

Well here’s a “no shit” moment for those of us who have unusual last names.

All computers and some people don’t like us.

More than 50 years into the Information Age, computers in the U.S. are still getting confused by the apostrophe.

It is not just the bad luck of the Irish. French, Italian and African names with apostrophes can befuddle computer systems, too. So can Arabic names with hyphens, and Dutch surnames with “van” and a space in them.

We’re one of those with a space in our last name. I was taught to capitalize the first letter of both parts of our last name. Going Like Sixty. Therefore I have four initials in my name including my middle name. Going As Like Sixty.

I hate monograms. I mean I like them, but they look wrong no matter how they are done when using my name. Is it gSl. Wrong. Like Sixty is my last name. So gLs is wrong too. So I use GLS. (Did I mention my wife has a $10,000 embroidery machine and I have two monogrammed shirts?)

I have an uncle who loves genealogy and he actually changed the way he spelled his last name when he was seventy+ years old. He proved it was more historically accurate. Going likSixty.

The second part of my last name is usually misspelled. Sixti. I don’t care anymore. If someone repeats my name with it spelled wrong, I don’t correct them. This also confuses the credit monitoring services.

That is not a bad thing.

Back to the computers.

Often we have to tell people, “there is a space between Like and Sixty” or “look under Sixty” or “look under Like.” “Try I instead of Y at the end.”

Prescriptions used to get filed under L or S. Now the pharmacy prints a bold letter (L) on the label to take the human element out of filing.

I understand why women keep their maiden names for business after they get married. But those who hyphenated I bet are sorry they did.

I like using SSN for identification.

But for practicality, bar coding babies has to be the best solution.

codehead.jpg

The Manly Meme. Argh. REVISED.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this. I’m going to play it straight forward with an occasional aside.

Revision: This is what I’m thinking. 

1. Boxers? Briefs? Boxer briefs? Thongs? Commando?

Boxer briefs

Except in the summer after a shower, love the floppy legged shorts to air dry. 

2. What’s your fussiest personal care routine?

Exfoliate my face

Trimming the hair on and in my nose.

3. Do you have a favorite tool? Power or manual?

No

And you are a tool for asking.

4. Can you change your own oil? Do you?

Yes No

I don’t use oil, I use Miller Chill. Yes

5. What’s the “manliest” thing you do on a regular basis?

Fingers in mouth whistle

Read Esquire Maxim
6. What’s something “manly” that you never learned how to do?

Shoot a pistol

Use a rubber.

7. Do you ever cry? If so, what’s your trigger?

Yes Death

I’m close now. Personal introspection.

8. Do you have a chivalrous streak? How does it manifest itself?

Yes Opening doors

Yes, high fives when she belches really loud

9. Do you have a chauvinistic streak? How does it manifest itself?

Yes Women should not say f*ck

Yes Women should not write manly memes

10. What’s your favorite movie?

Godfather

Godfather

11. What’s the dumbest, testosterone-inspired thing you’ve ever done?

Got drunk at a wedding a kissed a lot of younger women

Drowned a kitten

12. What quality do you think makes a good man good? Do you have that quality?

Sense of humor Yes

Good gawd, WTF?

13. Toilet seat up or down?

Up

Up

14. If your wife/partner/significant other is away, do you cook for yourself or eat out of cans and boxes (or rely on local drive-throughs and delivery)?

Is eating cake dough cooking? I eat drive through or junk from grocery store

Same

15. What societal expectation of being a man do you most resent?

Being good at and enjoy watching sports

Shaving

16. What’s the best part – societal-wise – about being a man?

Low maintenance

Low maintenance

17. Will you stop to ask for directions?

Eventually

No 

18. What’s the one thing you wish your wife/partner/significant other understood about how you think or behave?

Sometimes I don’t have anything to say.

Yeah, this was done by a woman alright.

19. What’s one thing about your wife/partner/significant other that you just cannot understand, no matter how hard you try?

Clutter

Why is she always better at everything we do together?

20. What do you need to have in the shower?

Soap

Mr. Tubby Bubble

21. Do you burp/fart/scratch in public? Do you do anything stereotypically male?

No Pick my nose

Same

22. How big a part does porn play in your life? Your thoughts?

None She caught me so I quit

Same 

23. What scares you?

Tower of Terror

The unexpected 

24. What’s your best feature (physical or otherwise)?

Hair

My driving skills

25. What would you do for love?

What a stupid question. I quit. Some of the others were really lame, but this is just stupid. stupid. stupid. How am I supposed to answer that? I would do anything? Well murder is out. I did pretty good until this one. I kept the snark very low. I can’t believe somebody put this in meme. A manly meme yet. Fer gawds sake! Boy was I stupid not to read all the way through. OK, here’s my answer: I don’t know. No, that’s not my answer, my answer is THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION. How’s that?

Think of her when I pee.

I Hate It When Stereotypes are Correct

Damn, I hate it when all the stereotypes fit. Like the crash test dummy, except these are Baby Boomer dummies.

Nissan made a suit for the punks to wear while testing the ergonomics of their car interiors:

  • Dark glasses to simulate poor vision. Check
  • Gloves to simulate reduced dexterity. Check
  • Casts on legs and arms to simulate arthritic pain. Check
  • Fat girdle to simulate a spare tire. Check

I blogged before about how unadvanced cars are.

Thinking strictly of designs for Boomers, add these to list.

  • Swivel seats for exiting
  • Seat belts that buckle in the middle instead of the side.
  • All window de-icers.
  • Louder turn signal clickers

I wouldn’t buy a car like that. Yet.

Dumbest Oscar Award: The Envelope Please.

The dumbest award the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences gives out is the Oscar for Best Costume Design.

The Oscar was won this year by somebody who designed the costumes for a movie about some queen sometime someplace.

costume.jpg

I could do this, and I’m not gay.

However, it would require me to get up out of the recliner and actually go to the low tech library. Remember those? Big buildings with books?

I would get a picture book of from any period of British Royalty and tell all the sewers (well what is the PC word for seamstresses?) So-ers to make something like the pictures only not as ugly and not as details. All the details stuff can be added with computer generated images.

The fabric would come from any upholstery shop in the neighborhood.

Voila.

The Oscar for Best Costume Design Goes to Going Like Sixty. 

Russian ICBM Lands In Kirk’s Neighbor’s Tree

Grandad swore his buddy had tweaked the ICBM’s he found on Ebay. Has Spanner been into the hooch again?

crash.jpg

Kirk’s neighbor contacted me and has volunteered herself to entertain the troops sent to invade Vermont.