Thinking of Becoming a Drug Mule to Fund Retirement – Advice?

I wonder how I would do as a drug mule?

My retirement funding took a hit this year and I need some extra cash. I wonder if I could get just a one-way deal? I think I’d do better at that then hitting a convenience store.

Here are my qualifications as drug mule:

  • Up-to-date passport.
  • My name doesn’t end with a vowel or “ez”
  • station wagon or convertible – wagon has more space of course, but the convertible has the well where the top goes down.
  • I’m an overweight white anglo-saxon male that sweats alot normally.
  • I could probably claim Parkinson’s if I started shaking.
  • I don’t use illegal drugs – as opposed to convenience store where I would want to eat the donuts and Slim-jims. Busted because I would have Slim-jim breath. My luck I’d win big on the lottery ticket and have to fence it to somebody for 10¢ on the dollar.
  • I don’t know Cocaine from Goody’s Headache Powder. So I’m no threat to the cartel.
  • Drug cartels scare the Billy Bejeezus out of me. If they said “never mind” that would be OK.
  • I’ve smuggled before. Coors Beer from Kansas City, KS to Boonville, MO in the ’70’s.
  • It’s not like I really really need the money. I could walk away if the dog is sniffing my car while I’m in the duty free shop taking a leak.
  • Nancy really likes to shop in Tijuana or Nogales so she would go along.

I originally was thinking I would be muleing coke, but maybe it makes more sense to go to Canada and bring back prescription drugs.

We really liked crossing into Canada on I-95 into Sherbrooke, QC. Sure was a lot less security there. Coming out of QC, we just had to wait for a couple cars in front of us and show our passports. Not like Mexico where there were hundreds trying to cross.

Yeah, OK, I hate waiting in lines. I’m muleing prescription drugs from QC to KY. What do you need?

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Thinking of Becoming a Drug Mule to Fund Retirement – Advice? — 15 Comments

  1. What a hoot! As a person who (WAY in the past, fortunately) very much knew the difference between cocaine and Goody’s, I think you’d be perfect. If any of my old contacts should ring me up, I’ll recommend you 🙂

  2. Mmmm, drugs. Although I have to admit I haven’t seen coke since the early ’80s and probably wouldn’t know it if it came up and bit me.

  3. Hey Mark,

    On your way to QC, stop by my place for a visit why don’t ya’? We’re right up near the border off of exit 27 on I-95. Just email me for directions before you leave We all can head for pizza or something, you know, just to fuel you up for the rest of the trip. We don’t charge much to use the bathroom either.

  4. Both (I hit what I am at). Do your best though as not to require the need of please. Prison time is definitely not on my “things to do for the rest of my life” list.

  5. @Vic: Welcome! I love Stumblers. You have great taste. I’ll check out your blog too.
    (edit) Your header is just so darn cute! You look like you have fun together – good for you!