Personal GPS Needed for Boomer Guys

My 2005 Dodge Magnum has a crapload of computer power. But it doesn’t know about Daylight Saving Time. Same thing happened last year and because I didn’t know where the owner’s manual was, I went for six months with the wrong time in this technological marvel of modern man THAT CAN’T SET THE CLOCK BACK AN HOUR.

I found the owner’s manual the other day in the garage with a bunch of other crap that I unloaded from the car I traded. But I didn’t need it then because the time hadn’t changed. I flipped thru the book and read that you had to push a combination of buttons: Ctl. Alt. Delete, or something like that. I don’t remember.

Now I can’t find the manual.

Thus, guys need Personal GPS. With a remember-where-I-am-button.

I could have pushed the button to remember where I was standing when I found the manual and used the GPS to find it again now when I need it.

Wives should be able to access to the GPS for Guys via Blackberry or computer so they can add little “reminders.”

The GPS voice is so calm and pleasing – even when a person screws up. Volume doesn’t change, timbre doesn’t change, no judgmental tone, it just suggests a course of action to correct the matter.

For example:

  • Nancy’s birthday coming up in 30 days – think.
  • Empty trash – turn left in 10 feet.
  • Empty trash – look for big shiny thing with flip up lid.
  • Empty trash – turn left in 20 feet.
  • You have been stationary for 30 seconds, stop watching television.
  • Make a U turn as soon as safe.
  • Empty trash – you have stopped at refrigerator. Nothing has been added since two hours ago.
  • Empty trash – turn right in 20 feet, turn left in 10 feet, turn left now.
  • Empty trash.
  • You have been stationary for 30 seconds, finish beer and/or snack.
  • Recycle bottle – continue straight for four feet.
  • Recycle bottle now.
  • … and so forth throughout the day/week/month/year…

    Nancy’s birthday coming up in two weeks – listen to her hints.
    Nancy’s birthday coming up in 10 days – make list of hints.
    To find list – go straight for 14 feet.
    Nancy’s birthday coming up in one week – shop today.
    You are online at – find new shopping website or computer will shut down.
    Computer shutting down in 5-4-3-2-1.
    You are at Target – make U turn immediately.
    Jewelry store coming up in 100 feet. Jewelry store on right in 20 feet. Turn right now.
    You are at watches – turn left.
    You will come to diamonds in 13 feet. You are at diamonds now. Stop. Buy.
    Nancy’s birthday tomorrow – wrap the gift this time.
    Nancy’s birthday tomorrow – pick up card to go with gift.
    Nancy’s birthday tomorrow – pick up card from dogs.

    Standard GPS could handle this. An option would be PMS GPS.
    A woman’s “personal health” issues could be programmed in. Like a PMS GPS which would basically say “stand quietly with a pleasant look on your face for 15 seconds while she passes” or “this would be a good day to take kids to all-day at the movies” or “chocolate now.”

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    Personal GPS Needed for Boomer Guys — 6 Comments

    1. Wow! Wouldn’t that be great! But then again – welcome to my world – CRS! I spend at least 1/3 of the day looking for “stuff” that I’ve put in a special spot so I would remember.

      Nancy’s last blog post..February Wrap-up

    2. Absolutely. Please get one for Ben while you’re at it. Sometimes I swear that man can’t find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight.

      Gretchen’s last blog post..Easter Dread.