My very good friend Ron Pee has struck a gold mine. He’s always been very lucky his whole life. His parent’s told me he was conceived on a bed of four leaf dandelions. His luck continued throughout his life because he always did just the right thing:
He has been rewarded over and over because of his good luck. He had ocean front property where the Exxon Valdez belched. He was hit by a lottery truck. He caught the bouquet at my daughter’s wedding. The trademark on “April Madness” AND “Final Three” belong to him. The lucky Montreal even snagged the domain name Guugle.com.
How could I be surprised when he discovered a freak from Post Cereal that will put him in the lap of luxury – or a luxurious lap dance.
Ron is a graduate Southern Illinois University, so he is a morbidly obese fan of the University of Illinois. He even moved to St. Louis from Carbondale, Illinois so he could watch the U of I PBS channel. He loves his food. His Mom often said “eat the peanuts out of my shit.” Ron is the ultimate feudie.
Here’s the deal:
Ron has amassed some amazing improbobobilities of phoodom:
Ron has them on eBay now because he wants to share with the world his good fortune. This is so like Ron. I remember when he shared his Lou Gehrig’s Disease with the Little League team he coached.
Even more remarkable: If you squint your eyes, use your imagination and drink a lot of bourbon, you can see the likeness of the Virgin Mary in the Wyoming waffle, and Jesus doing “the Hustle” in the Colorado one.
This isn’t some silly corn flake shaped like the Land of Lincoln. This is an honest-to-goodness edible improbablity!!
Alas and Outback, Ron’s proudest possession is not for sale. He sent me a picture of his phelgm that contained a red pearl in the shape of Donna Splutch. Thank God he didn’t lose it in the bloody stool.
True story: I once tried to copyright the term “Four Score” for when the Chicago Bulls won their fourth straight title. Sadly, the Bulls never won four in a row, but twice won THREE straight titles.
Thanks for the well wishes. That’s some funny writin’.
SIU is THE party school in Illinois, so it’s no wonder he’s run out of bourbon and resorted to selling things from his kitchen to restock the liquor cabinet. SIU people have been known to drink their dinners.
@Catch Her In The Wry: my daughter graduated from SIU too.
So did her husband. 
And her best friends. 
Going Like Sixty’s last blog post..Ron Pee: You Have Earned Your Good Luck.
@Ron: You’re welcome for the “support” but I ain’t biddin’!
thanks for the compliment. I’ve been known to pick up some URL’s: SaleEndsSunday.com and FourDaysOnly.com for example.
Going Like Sixty’s last blog post..Ron Pee: You Have Earned Your Good Luck.
Too funny! First the cornflake and now the gates are opened.
Lisa’s Chaos’s last blog post..You guys are killing me (in a good way)
@Lisa’s Chaos: Somebody’s always got an angle. And if there’s fun to be had, Ron will be there.
I want your crack. And not your ass.
The Absurdist’s last blog post..The Girly-Girl Answers Revealed
@The Absurdist: All Your Crack are Belong to Us
Sadly, when I was in college, I couldn’t actually afford Bourbon. Keystone Light and dollar Long Island Iced Tea’s at “Sidetracks” were my drink of choice. I once woke up on a friend’s doorstep next to my previously eaten Pags pizza after one of those benders. Not my finest moment.
@Ron: It’s OK to say you woke up on my daughter’s doorstep! Not many details are forthcoming!