The Worst Salutation Ever

Letters that begin, Dear Mr. Going, or Dear Mrs. Going, or Dear Sir/Madam, or Occupant, all pale in comparison to the email that begins…

Dear Null

It wasn’t from a spammer, but it was sent out by a spammer (VerticalResponse) on behalf of Newser.com. Which makes it even more demoralizing. A spammer can’t even get my name right so it replaces it with “null”

Null:

  1. without value, effect, consequence, or significance.
  2. being or amounting to nothing; nil; lacking; nonexistent.

What a fine way to start the morning.

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Comments

The Worst Salutation Ever — 10 Comments

  1. Dear Sir,

    We do apologize for our mistake – the system was meant to either use your first name or “Reader” (if we didn’t have your name). Our intention was just to inform you that we had a new release go out. Again, our apologies and we hope your day gets better.

    Sincerely,

    The Newser Team

  2. @Newser Team: “Dear Sir” LOL.
    Not your fault, but you need to get a freebie from your spammer.
    Thank you for your prompt response, you have already made my day better.

  3. My name is Richard Huffaker, and I am the Manager of Policy Enforcement at VerticalResponse. I’m commenting on this post, because I want to make note that we are absolutely not “spammers”. We are an email service provider, and we do not allow the use of purchased, rented, borrowed, harvested or otherwise third party mailing lists of any stripe. Our clients may only mail to those people who have specifically requested information from or about their company. We do not “send” the emails out for our clients any more than Yahoo “sends” their client email out. And we had nothing to do with your name being set as null.

    We respond to, investigate, and take immediate action with every single report of abuse that reaches us either at our abuse desk or through our connections with ISPs like AOL, Yahoo, Hotmail, etc. We also look over every email before it can leave our system to make sure no phishing schemes or other spammy looking emails are going out, and interview new clients to ensure their list collection and management practices are up to snuff. We are not a spam cannon – people cannot simply sign-up for an account with us and start sending tons of email. And all our mailing IP Addresses (which we’ve been using for years) have the highest reputation possible, which would not be possible if we were actual spammers. You can do reputation checks if you like by going to third party monitors like trustedsource.org.

    Long story short, we (and I) care very deeply about keeping spam off our network. Both because we hate it and because it is the best way to ensure our client mail is delivered properly.

    Richard Huffaker
    http://www.verticalresponse.com/about/tos_anti-spam.html

  4. @Richard Huffaker: “email service provider” = spammer; “direct mail marketer” = junk mailer; “phone sales provider” = telemarketer;
    As Gretchen said, “if the shoe fits.”

    “not a spam cannon” Nope, you are a spam rifle.

    “And we had nothing to do with your name being set as null.”

    Now that’s just hogwarsh. newser.com hired you to send an email to their list. Your software for some reason, couldn’t figure out how to handle GoingLikeSixty or Going Like Sixty (don’t remember which user name I had.) So it set it as NULL.

    I understand that databases are funky sometimes, I was poking fun. Now I’m starting to get irritated because you are denying you had anything to do with it.

    *thumbs in ears- fingers extended* You’re a spammer. You’re a spammer.

    @ Gretchen: What the hell did you say? *flings roll of toilet paper*

  5. This is really from keepingyouinstitches (even tho’ I’m going crazy)
    Something came addressed to you Dear Null and you read it? When mail comes to the house and OUR name is butchered – I don’t even open it. Yep, I’ve probably thrown away the Publisher’s Clearing House winning number. Direct TV are you listening – oops, I mean reading!

  6. @Going Crazy: I recognized who sent the email and trusted them.
    @trailerparkbarbie: Yes, that would have been worse… Dear Worthless and Dead.