Single Wrapped and Tightly Packed - Goodbye Velveeta Goodbye

As I was crabbing about how cheap Kraft is in their “celebration” of grilled cheese month, I made an off-the-cuff remark about Velveeta. Lo and behold, here comes Bee!

BeeOBrien is a Lensmaster at Squidoo and knows more about Velveeta than any person should. Check out the Velveeta Cheese Fudge!

I was inspired by her dedication to this staple of American recipes, tables, and way of life.

So I wrote the lyrics for a little country-western tune about Velveeta

VELVEETA - DIDN’T MEAN TO BE A CHEATA

Some would call me yella, a hasty kind of fella,

and I don’t deserve you any more, they may be right, probably are

most of them are better’n me, eatin’ cheese from a jar.
Chorus:
Velveeta Velveeta, I got a single I adore.

Single wrapped and tightly packed, what I’ve always longed for.

You never made it, never were thin,

I’m sorry I’m shallow, I always have been.

Velveeta Velveeta I got a single I adore.

Second Verse:

You made a nice grilled cheese, the kind I like to squeeze,

I’d enjoy you by the the chunk, or cut up in little cubes

even when the others got their cheese from tubes.
Repeat Chorus:
Velveeta Velveeta, I got a single I adore.

Single wrapped and tightly packed, what I’ve always longed for.

You never made it, never were thin,

I’m sorry I’m shallow, I always have been.

Velveeta Velveeta I got a single I adore.
Third Verse:
She’s single, nicely wrapped, and is always tightly packed

I can get to her easy, without being sleazy, I don’t have to be crude

Thank God and Kraft for processed cheese food.

UPDATE: This cheese slicer would make using Veleveeta easier. And I guess cheaper because there isn’t all that extra labor for those folks standing around wrapping each slice? For each rotation of the blade it adjusts so the next slice will be the same as the first. It was made by a great dane, Marcus Vagnby.

UPDATE 2: A songwriter contacted me about doing the music. So consider this my copyright (c) notice. If anybody else uses this, I will hunt you down and stuff every orifice you have with Velveeta.

9 Responses to “Single Wrapped and Tightly Packed - Goodbye Velveeta Goodbye”

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1 obrienbarbara
Apr 13th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Hey, thanks for the nod!
2 me again
Apr 13th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

I only have one recipe that uses Velveeta cheese, but it makes the best cheese log EVER and everyone wants the recipe. I got it from a friend in the Navy 30 years ago and still make that sucker for any pot-luck party occasion. Let me know if ya want it!

me again’s last blog post..no verbs for you!
3 GoingLikeSixty
Apr 14th, 2008 at 6:50 am

@me again: If I ever feel the urge to make a great cheese log, I will be in touch. Don’t hold your breath.

GoingLikeSixty’s last blog post..Violent Acres: Biggest Snob of All
4 Brian
Apr 14th, 2008 at 8:34 am

As the Christians say, “What A Friend We Have In Cheeses”

Brian’s last blog post..Unclear On The Concept, #335
5 goinglikesixty
Apr 14th, 2008 at 8:44 am

@Brian: groooooan… but I laughed! Nice one.
6 Lisa's Chaos
Apr 14th, 2008 at 9:17 am

Velveeta makes the best grilled cheese sandwhiches!

Lisa’s Chaos’s last blog post..5 photos, 5 words
7 goinglikesixty
Apr 14th, 2008 at 9:41 am

@Lisa’s Chaos: how can you say that when there are Kraft American Cheese Food Singles? You can’t cut Velveeta thin enough or consistently to make a grilled cheese.
8 Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity
Apr 15th, 2008 at 8:07 am

Velveeta has slices, individually wrapped…and two different thinknesses…. there’s the thick and the thin ones… it’s all I buy, even though it’s much more expensive. I’m a cheese snob like that…
Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity’s last blog post..On NOT Being a Mother…
9 goinglikesixty
Apr 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am

@Heather: (((( sigh )))) just can’t take literary license without getting busted.
A Velveeta cheese snob. hehehe