Irish Pastime Works Well in Kentucky

I always thought culling tourists might be a little tedious.
First, since we live in flyover country, most of the visitors to this area, dress pretty much like we do. So being a SOTH, isn’t a “for-sure” target. It could be a man of the cloth or a woman of the Kroger. There are no established guidelines as there are in Ireland.
Secondly, our government doesn’t send many tourists to our part of Kentucky. They tend to keep them near the horsh*t in Lexington or Louisville.
Thirdly, the U.S. is a nation of drivers. People are not walking the countryside where one can overhear a conversation and learn they talk funny. Anybody living in a college town in the south will realize that any local citizen could talk funny. Especially the professors.
Fourthly, in Ireland, tourism seems to have no season, because the country has no season. As Grandad says, it’s always “pissing rain” there.

But the last couple weekends brought obvious tourists to our area. Last week it was the Motorcyclists this weekend it is the Hot Rodders.
What convinced me that culling tourists would work here too, is that my envy and jealousness of the people that own motorcycles and hot rods, desire for peace and tranquility in the world provides for a steady and quiet aim.
I’m damn good at picking them off.
A friend I hadn’t seen since I quit bowling, lives on Lover’s Lane – a popular place – so popular, the state highway department made it into a five lane Lane.
Turns out he owns pistols, lots of them!
Lo and behold, Lover’s Lane also carries a fair amount of tourist traffic, since it is part of the “welcome” entrance to our little burg.
He let me use his Walther PPK. A really fine weapon. The handgun of choice for the Third Reich and subsequent police forces.
Early on, we decided he would take the post-1950 Hot Rods (year of the car, not of the driver) and I would cull the pre-1950 drivers. If the cars were customized beyond recognition, we both took one attempt.
Roadsters were the preferred targets.
I think I ended up with a cull to beer ratio of about 1:4.
Not a bad day for a beginner.

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Irish Pastime Works Well in Kentucky — 4 Comments

  1. There is nothing tedious about culling tourists. It can be great sport.

    I’m a little suspicious of your motives though. You are supposed to be doing it because of the threat of International Tourism to the Free World, not because you envy their bikes? Anyway, it doesn’t really matter why, as long as you enjoy yourself.

    Grandad’s last blog post..Reasons

  2. Make you a trade… we’ll take your hot-rodders and bikers and send you about 100,000 of our CMA week flat-landers. These are easy to identify for culling: new boot cut jeans, ironed and creased, new pointy-toe boots shined to reflect the bright lights, new western style shirts with all the frith froth on them, starched and ironed, new felt cowboy hat, either white or black, and they walk with a hesitation as if they were wearing new pointy-toe boots that ain’t been broke in yet. Easy pickins…

    Winston’s last blog post..They Walk Among Us…

  3. @Grandad: Yikes, how did that fact get mixed in? I have since corrected it.
    @Winston: Ooooh booy=== next year! What would be an appropriate way to cull them? Or maybe they don’t need culling, just a good scare? We could play some Montovani or Mancini?