The Only Rebel I Have Left In Me Got Me Thrown Out of a Sleep Lab.

I spent the night sleeping in the most expensive room I have stayed at in the last fifteen years. Thing is? It was a pretty institutional looking room. The service was fantastic however: one on one. I never saw another face from check-in to check-out.
I went to the hospital to sleep.
The last time I stayed in such an expensive room was my last sleep study 15 years ago. Since it had been so long ago the doctor wanted a more recent one. Which we both know is bogus, the doctor had a boat payment due and needed some extra revenue. But to keep peace in the family, I slept at the hospital last night.
Backstory:
I was supposed to have the sleep study done a couple weeks ago, but the tech called security and had me thrown off the premises.
I can be very cranky when it comes to waiting in doctor’s offices. But this wasn’t one of those times. As a matter of fact, my previous sleep study was a pretty neat experience, so I was thinking up clever lines and knew I could get a blog post out of the deal. Lines like: my last sleep study was so long ago it was interns with polaroids… they send me home with a Hoover hooked up to blow rather than suck… ba dump bump, ching!

The appointment was at 9:30 p.m. I was ten minutes early, walked into a totally vacant waiting room. No instructions on what I should do, so I park it and pick up the U.S. News to read about the invasion of Kuwait by Saddam.

I could hear voices, so after ten minutes and at my appointment time, I stepped to the counter and called out, heeeellllloooo??? Nobody appears. At  9:40, I decide to give it another try and raised my voice to slightly above normal speaking – like if you were trying to get the attention of someone in a room down a hallway.

Mr. Nebraska Cornhusker (that’s what was written on his faded red polo shirt) came through the door and held up his hand and announced “quiet, I have people sleeping back here.  Since the clinic didn’t open until 9 p.m. he was lying. He did a 180 spin on his heelies and went back into the inner sanctum. I strolled around the office, looked at some patient files and charts laying on the counter. Check the appointment print-out for the next day to see who was coming in, their Social Security Number and their reason for their appointment, while I plotted my next move.

I poked my head through the door and asked  the Cornhusker if he was going to help me or not. He threw a gen-u-wine hissy fit. “I’m calling Dr. K” he said much louder than I said “heeeeeeeelllllllllooooo.” I asked him who Dr. K was since that wasn’t my doc. “Dr. K owns the place” I was told, and then he added that he was calling security.

Security! A mall cop! He was going to call a mall cop! He was going to have me thrown out by a mall cop!

Since Cornhusker just so loopy, it was easy for me to be calm. There was no question who was in the right. I said I would wait for Security and had a seat and got very calm. Mr. Hospital Security was very professional, I had my say, Mr. Cornhusker had another little hissy fit when I tried to close the door between us and him because I “didn’t own that door.”

And that’s how I got thrown out of a sleep lab.

I asked my Doc to get me into another lab, which she did.

I can’t say I had a restful night, but I think something good will come out of the study. If nothing else, I tried a new CPAP mask that was much better than the model I’m using now.

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Comments

The Only Rebel I Have Left In Me Got Me Thrown Out of a Sleep Lab. — 2 Comments

  1. Hee! Leave it to you to get kicked out of a sleep lab. This is hysterically funny to me.

    What type of CPAP did you try? Ben recently switched from one that covers his nose and mouth to one that just goes up his nose, and I think he likes it better. Also, it’s quieter.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..Dodged A Bullet.

  2. Yeah, I have had nasal pillows for a long time. The new mask has the hose coming out straight instead of out the side. Kind of like those fake hog noses.