Brett Favre Is Bi-Polar Paranoid Schzophrenic

Despite what our friends Varley and Chickie swear, the moon doesn’t shine out Brett Favre’s Ass. He is still the whiney crybaby he was when he retired. He boo-hooed his way through his first retirement press conference, took his football and went home.

When the press didn’t follow Brett Favre’s every move off the field during his retirement, he announced his comeback. But he sure didn’t want anything to do with the cheeseheads that worshiped the gouda he walked on.

Fans waited for Brett Favre at the entrance to the players lot at Lambeau Field on Monday, but he avoided them by going through another entrance.

Another professional sports team in Milwaukee that plays with a small round ball, found some heat. The Brewers players, obviously with their minds completely on the game before them, were disagreeing over Favre’s antics.

“I was just saying that Favre should have put the team before himself through this whole mess,” said Parra, a second-year pitcher, “and that he should have handled everything a lot differently. The next thing I know, Prince just lunges at me like I’m the last vegetable pakora at an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet.”

Meanwhile the poor schmoe that had a job and probably will lose it, and be known as that-guy-between-Favres, had a Green Bay welcome.

Aaron Rodgers was welcomed with all the warmth and patience that one might expect from the down-to-earth, dairy-loving folks of Wisconsin on Monday; he was booed back to the Stone Age.

Don’t you just love “professional” sports? If only they could be played without people.

My favorite Brett Favre Quotes:

  • “It’s all about the team,” Favre said.
  • “When I’m away from football, I love spending time on my Snapper,” Favre says.

Favre’s Snapper

  • “The bottom line, on March 3, when I got in front of the podium……’Did I want to play? Yes. One hundred percent? No,” Favre said.
  • “I know I can play, but I don’t think I want to,” Favre said at the March 6 news conference.
  • “If I’m going to play, it’s going to be 100 percent commitment,” Favre said.
  • “I was told playing in Green Bay was not an option,” Favre told Fox.
  • “Them moving on does not bother me,” Favre said.
  • “It’s hard for me to trust this guy (Thompson) when either I’m told one thing and everyone else is told another, or he’s telling the public one thing and telling me another,” Favre said.
  • “I was really dreading retirement, to be honest,” Favre said in a press conference outside his Mississippi home this morning.
  • “If I asked why my father died or why Deanna has breast cancer, I would have to ask why I throw touchdown passes,” Favre said.
SURPRISE (not) UPDATE: Favre takes football and goes home – AGAIN. Get thee some Wellbutrin, O Lord of the Tundra.

UPDATE: Can you believe this is still timely? Favre plays. Quits. Wants to play again. I should have bought the domain name BrettFavreForeverFootball.com

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Comments

Brett Favre Is Bi-Polar Paranoid Schzophrenic — 3 Comments

  1. I actually own a Cheesehead (and sometimes wear it to watch Green Bay games at brewpubs), but I’m aghast at Brett’s behavior. One of my extreme pet peeves is athletes who retire and then refuse to stay retired. When Gretzky retired from hockey, dammit, he meant it. To do otherwise is, to me, crass.

    What a big whiney crybaby. I may have to become, I don’t know, a Philadelphia Eagles fan, although I think there’s little payoff there.

    Gretchens last blog post..The Jersey Devil.

  2. Bret Farve is a jerk for changing his mind about retirement. Good for Green Bay for saying no.
    -from a Bears fan

  3. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

    It ain’t a party til the some chick shows up with a cheese bra!

    That’s funny. I’ve suddenly started craving cheese nips.