How many times have you said to someone else, or muttered under your breath, “who would do such a thing?” Here is the definitive answer. If you are with someone and they say “who would do such a thing?” you have the answer. You can say “I know! I actually know!”
Who would do such a thing?
- Parks on the white line in the parking lot. Help’s my aim to just line up the Mercede’s star on the line.
- Empties car trash out the window on the interstate – actually sometimes I just open the sunroof and all the windows and – hmmmm, stuff flies out the window!
- Picks and flicks
- Pays for all purchases with exact change
- Pays for all purchases with exact change even at the drive through even if I have to go to the center console and rummage for nickels and pennies
- Rolls through stop signs
- Never indulges in the “courtesy” yield when behind the wheel
- Chats up the checkout clerk when there is a line up
- Goes thru the express lane with as many items as I want to
- Turns the bass up as high as it goes – even when I have Yanni in the CD
- Eats all the Halloween candy before Oct. 31, and then turns off the porch light
- Tailgates you at any speed
- Argues with TSA about taking off my shoes. It is NOT a rule anymore!
- Stares at people with facial deformities – but I don’t giggle and point
- Leaves dog’s turds in your yard
- Sets personal vehicle speed limit
- Slams my airplane seat back back ASAP and never move it until told to.
- Laffs and points at adults wearing bicycle helmets
- Eavesdrops on your conversation and adds two cents
- Orders Crown Royal and Coke
- Arrives at the time indicated on the invitation
- Spits in the drinking fountain
- Keeps suitcase beside me on the moving sidewalk in the airport
- Unbuckles seatbelt before the Captain gives me the OK
- Makes change from the “leave a penny” tray
- Puts gum underneath a public seat
- Remains seated while an old lady stands
- Treats wait staff like a stranger
- Tells Nancy to “man up” and then admit her to the hospital a week later
- Tells tech support I want a different person – one that learned English
- Takes a 5 gallon can of gasoline to Nashville to resell it
- “Exports” Kentucky cigarettes to Florida
- Doesn’t aim well at the urinal
- Takes the second newspaper in a stack and mess the top one up
- Opens M&M’s when the movie is real quiet.
Me. It’s not a pride thing. This is a public service. Now you can spread the word – you found the guy!
Oh, you are terrible. I’m a real asshole about stopping at stop signs. And don’t get me started about males who don’t aim well; I live with three of them.
But I’m totally with you on the tech support thing. Considering that everyone now outsources to India, I am forever telling people stuff like “I’m sorry, I cannot understand you at all. I need someone who speaks better English.”
Gretchens last blog post..“Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ. I Have Seen The Light!”
@Gretchen: Happy Rosh HaShanah!
Weird. Today I almost got nailed by a car running a stop sign. Since I rolled thru the sign, s/he missed me.
I thought nothing of this here list until I came to the one where you said you order Crown Royal AND coke. That is unforgivable. The only way to take Crown is neat. The. End.
Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..The state of being normal. Or a jack ass. Or a genius. Pick a straw.
@Queen of Shake Shake: HI! Same way you like your man?
Well FINALLY! I was wondering when you were going to admit to all this.
Plus, you do get around pretty well for a geezer. You seem to do these things wherever I go, and I live a thousand miles away from you.
Brians last blog post..Let’s Make A Deal