Monthly Archive for January, 2009

Page 3 of 6

I Hope The Fresh President Wears a Hat

Published on January 16, 2009 in Baby Boomer. 5 Comments

You know what would be really cool next Tuesday? If the Fresh President wore a hat.

Now stop that, you’re visualizing a stereotypical hat aren’t you. I’m talking about a really cool fedora. Not a top hat either.
These are the Obama hats Stetson designed for the Fresh President. How cool is that hat? Obama would look great. Why do I care? Because I want to start wearing a fedora.

obama-stetsonstetson-fedora-plaza-s0223obama_fedora

I’ll never look cool. Not Obama-cool. But I could be more stylish.

obamayoung

What do guys my age do to show some style? I already wear baggy pants because my belly forces them down there. I already wear oversize shirts (XXXLT) because they are just so damned comfortable. Shoes? Who looks at shoes? So as far as fashion choices, Boomer guys need a chance. The Fresh President can provide us that opportunity. Wear a hat Barry, please?

The common perception is another Fresh President killed the hat business. According to urban legend, President Kennedy not wearing a hat while delivering his inaugural address caused the collapse.

The fact is Fresh President Kennedy wore a Top Hat throughout the day, taking it off only to deliver his speech.

jfk8He was pretty cool too.

Wouldn’t it be fun to start wearing real hats again? Not stupid ball caps?

Ball caps are just so average.

Change? Yes We Can.

We can ditch all the ball caps of the world. The ones with bent bills, straight bills, ragged bills, bills to the side, bills to the back.

The only choice you have when wearing a real hat is how to tilt it.

To the side and you are a dashing debonair fellow. Push it back on your head and you are a casual fun loving guy. Shove it forward and you are mean dude that better not be messed with. Of course feathers and hatbands are fully customizable to give the wearer enough latitude to show personal flair.

When the Mob gave up wearing hats, it was the end of their reign of terror. If John Gotti, the Dapper Don, wore a hat he wouldn’t have died in prison.

How awesome would it be for american hat manufacturing make a comeback? Stetson is doing OK because they have cornered the Cowboy Hat market. Stetson is leading the charge to get a Hat For Obama. That’s called leadership. By growing the hat market, everybody wins.

So whaddya think? Any chance I will be replacing my current hat for a new one soon? I sure hope so.

tinhat

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‘ello Old Bean. Welcome to the Polo Grounds, Chap. Shall I Pour You a Spot ‘o Tea?

Published on January 15, 2009 in Entertainment and kentucky. 2 Comments

Just shoot me. Just shoot anybody that lives in Kentucky. Shoot people that were born in Kentucky twice. Shoot horse owners who have had a horse race at Churchill Downs with a bazooka. Shoot horse race lovers everywhere. Just shoot.

It’s over.

The Limeys have won after all.

The Kentucky Derby and all races at Churchill Downs will be called by… choke… an Englishman. Mark  Johnson is his name.

Mark Johnson has been a fixture at British tracks for years, calling some of the country’s highest profile races like the Epsom Derby and St. Leger Stakes. Johnson called one week of races during the 2008 fall meet at Churchill Downs before getting the nod over four other finalists.

I’ll leave the stupidity of hiring an Englishman to call horse races in Kentucky to others more qualified. Let me try to give you a clue what they future of Churchill Downs might hold with Mark  Johnson as the official track announcer.

The English lads are fond of rhyming when they chatter.  The more excited they get, the more they fill the air with rhymes.

It won’t be long before the fragrant air hanging over Churchill Downs will be echoing with such phrases as…

(I’ll let you fill in the blanks.)

  • Sir Anthony Blunt, didn’t ride a gelding on the track, he rode a horse with a …
  • Dear Princess Regina rode sidesaddle on a spotted mare and wore a spot on her …
  • Stallions next to the starting block, blimey, me mate, brass ones ‘es got next to his giant …
  • Guv’nor, the Gary Glitter ‘as gone round the bend to take his jap’s eye into Blue Moon …
  • Lord Lionel’s trotter is right away bollox ‘eard his Missus was swallowing local lads…
  • I say Commodore Hank, your studs a little bit short, can you reach down and pull out his …

I have the good fortune of knowing a thoroughbred owner. Born and raised within sight of Churchill Downs. We live within a few miles of a horse track. Mahogie is not happy. Not happy at all.  Here’s what Mahogie wrote about this sad, sad day.

Mahogie won’t stand for this of course!  Here’s top ten effects of Hiring this Dumb Arse from across the pond.

10. Austin Powers theme replaces “My Old Kentucky Home”

9. Poofter Jockeys allowed to wear knickers instead of silks.

8. First race call:  ”There Off!  Why are you chaps running the wrong way?”

7.  Safest bet : those queer judges on Dancing with the Stars had something to do with this.

6.  Is this our punishment for giving you Madonna?

5.  ”Hey Fella, we don’t accept no freakin’ Six Pence at this betting window!

4.  Announcer left for dead in infield after stating “That’s the tastiest fag I ever smoked!”

3.  95% of thoroughbreds have prettier smile than new guy in the booth.

2.  Business at bangers and mash / spotted dick kiosks always pick up after Happy Hour.

1.  New term for Breeding shed?  The Bugger Barn

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“How Cold Is It?”

Published on January 15, 2009 in Baby Boomer. 7 Comments

January. It’s sometimes cold in January. Cold is relative. If it’s 45 degrees on South Beach it’s cold, if it’s -45 in Hibbing, Minnesota, it’s cold. It’s cold, I heard it on the weather. I heard it on the news. I heard it on the sports. I heard it at the drive-through. I heard it taking off my coat. I heard it at the urinal.

It’s cold.

With respect to Johnny Carson, the master of the multiple answers to single question schtick.

How Cold Is It? It’s so cold…

  • I had to chisel the dog off the flagpole
  • I broke the smoke off our chimney
  • I left the fridge door open to warm up this morning
  • my false teeth were chattering and they were still in the glass
  • I’m looking forward to getting a fever
  • I’m  flicking my Bics in my pocket
  • my balls have became ovaries
  • my car won’t start running and my nose won’t stop
  • the rock rattling around in my shoe is my big toe
  • the steam off of my head created a war between two Indian villages
  • I only had time to pee “60″ in the snow
  • I chopped up the piano to get wood – only got two chords
  • Rush Limbaugh was the hottest air in my car

How cold is it at your house? Not the temperature… give me an analogy, please.

antithete.com

cackaloo.com

christiangrantham.com

grandmahenke.com

joyofsix.typepad.com

capacola.com

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I Love These Goofball Interactive Sites

Published on January 15, 2009 in Entertainment and Technology. 0 Comments

NASHVILLE, TN You knew it was only a matter of time. The sequins, the boots and bright lights, high jinx and hot licks were too much to resist. Going Like Sixty has left a lameass job and has Gone Country. “I’ve got what it takes, baby. Bright lights or bust! Besides, my sweet butt has never looked better in a tight pair of denims. Let’s go get after it!

Make Yours Here.

Bloggers Fall for Live-On-An-Island-and-Get-Paid-Buckets-of-Money Scheme

Published on January 14, 2009 in Baby Boomer and Health. 3 Comments

Exactly why bloggers don’t get credit for having any brains on how the real world works. If you haven’t read this on every news website or blog or seen any TeeVee news yet, some island someplace is offering $103,000 for a blogger to live in luxury for six months and blog about it.

And the bloggers are frothing at the mouth. Most of the TeeVee reporters are cracking wise about the offer, but the bloggers are just going bonkers! I read about it yesterday in a press release. Very clever. Boy wouldn’t that be fun. Wow, just imagine… and then I snapped back to real world. Of course they will offer this. What news broadcast won’t carry this? What blogger can resist having the same daydream of Ginger, Mary Ann, The Professor, and the Minnow?

If the whole deal they are offering costs – let’s guess $US a million, then what a bargain the tourism marketers got! Their island paradise is shown, their message is getting out that it is a paradise and we all should want to visit. I don’t read the international blogs, or marketing blogs, or travel blogs, but they got to be overflowing with the tourism board’s message.

Note to mommy-bloggers, travel-bloggers, technology-bloggers, crafts-bloggers, teen-bloggers, snark-bloggers: you’re not going to win.
Not. Going. To. Win.
This job is going to some professional communicator – not a hobbyist who thinks they can write or vlog. This is a job. A job has requirements – outside of “I, really, REALLY, want to live the dream.”

Good lord, people. Some of us don’t give a whit if we are taken seriously, some of us try not to be taken seriously, but we don’t like to hang around with idjits.

Will you stop writing about how wonderful your life would be if only…

UPDATE: The position has been filled. My good friend, now my very best friend, who is a professional writer for Reuters, Writer for Reuters. Writer for Rueters. Rooter for Righters, has just gotten this confirmation:

“Gidday, Mate! We’re thrilled to offer you the “best job in the world.” Your résumé was clearly better than 220 million others we received. We were most impressed that you are…

  • More powerful than a locomotive
  • Engaged to Nicole Kidman
  • Recommended by four out of five dentists
  • Heir to the throne of England

“The job is all yours, Chief Justice Basler, as soon as we check your references. Congrats, and we’ll see you in July, which of course is really February in Australia!”

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