Monthly Archive for March, 2009

Page 8 of 10

Here’s How Boomers Can Save US/U.S.

Most boomers I run into are living their normal life. But also like most boomers, I know a few people who have been slammed by the recession. (Note I refuse to use the words “in this economy” anymore.) It’s a recession, lets call a spade a spade like it really is.

Jayne Clark wrote in USA Today that people who can afford luxury travel are calling them guilt trips.

In a time when posh has become a four-letter word, forget about keeping up with the Joneses. It’s more socially expedient to stay down with them. Economic turmoil is giving luxury a bad name, it seems, and not just among the private-jet set, either. The desire to tone down consumption is affecting how some Americans vacation — or at least how they say they vacation.

And I agree, luxury international trips by boomers should be curtailed. Spending money overseas won’t help US/U.S.  But other travel should be encouraged. I don’t feel any compassion for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitor’s Bureau being singled out as the face of wasteful corporate spending. Las Vegas is excess, they built their business by staking out that territory.

The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority issued a statement last week saying that “it is unfair to punish an entire industry that generates billions of dollars in economic stimulus and jobs for the American public.”

Instead of whining about it, they need to stay on point and on message: Las Vegas is excess, but now excess can be cheap. Embrace Your Inner Excess ™  (pending)

Boomers can get the economy rolling again by spending money. Consumer spending is the biggest economic force we control.

My uncle-in-law builds fifth-wheel trailers. In Elkhart, Indiana – yes, the one you heard  about having the highest unemployment rate in the country. He builds custom trailers, from the axles up. All custom. He recently took an order for the most expensive trailer he will ever complete.  It was the most expensive, in part because material costs have increased, but mostly because the  customers wanted top-of-the-line everything.

His customer works for a circus.

Boomers – especially empty nester Boomers are spending money. Grandma Henke and Lynn will be hitting the road in a wild party bus. The Retired One has the returning home blues. Rhea took a trip to Texas a month ago.

Don’t want to travel?

Here are some other spending ideas that will stimulate US/U.S.

  • Buy a BATV (Big Ass TV) So what if it’s made in Poontang Valley, Korea. It took a truck and two guys to deliver it to my house.
  • Buy a new computer to run your new BATV.  Yes, we will have a “media center!” Make it a Dell, I think they are assembled in the U.S., even if they aren’t, UPS will deliver it, and it has a Microsoft Operating System with Vista which is almost finished. (Bill Gates is a Prick.) And Dell still sends out printed catalogs by mail. Printers and postal workers hard at work.
  • Buy yourself a new computer desk and your computer a new fan.
  • Plant flowers in the freakin’ dessert.
  • Update your will. Lawyers are people too.
  • Buy bulk baloney  and fresh bread and ask it to be sliced paper thin. You may have to use a dozen slices to make a decent sandwich, but that counter worker will love you.
  • Buy a car. Any car. Parts are made all over the world, so forget that Buy American crapola. You want to support those car clerks that used to be in sales.
  • Get your oil changed every other week. But keep the old oil and have the greasers rotate it back into your crankcase every third time. (Remember when guys with lots of Brylcreem in their hair were “greasers?”)

Here are some ideas that don’t cost money that can keep people working…

  • Call tech support and just chat. If your talking to Bompa in Bangalore, hang up. If your talking to Jeff in Jeffersonville (Dish Network) keep him chatting for a while. Say, Jeff, could you repeat again what the up arrow does on this thingy?
  • Cancel your email blasts and get printed catalogs.
  • Litter. This may only cause work for prisoners. If that is the case, try for adding more road-kill, jailbirds won’t touch a dead possum.
  • Don’t pay your taxes. TrailerParkBarbie has a plan.
  • Clip coupons. Stores hate ‘em because they have to pay somebody to keep track of them and submit to manufacturers for reimbursement. Use rebates too.

Boomers unite, let’s put the boom back in Boomer. Let’s put the spend back in Spendthrift. Let’s put consume back in Consummate, the expend back in Expenditure, the wipe out back in wipe out.

WHAT? HUH? Pardon Me?


This post about Tinnitus, which effects many Baby Boomers and will probably effect younger people too, included as an update a test for Can You Hear Like a Teenager.

Musicians have a much higher risk of hearing loss that most people do, and many of us don’t really wear proper hearing protection. Even just listening to an ipod for an extended period of time can permanently damage your hearing. We also gradually lose our high-frequency hearing as we age.

Sound and Noise Addicts added these sound files as an unscientific gauge of your hearing.

If you can’t hear these tones, or aren’t sure, might be worthwhile for you to stick a butter knife in your ear and gouge out the earwax. Or go see a doctor.

And if you like white noise while at the computer,  give this little $5 application a go. (Free evaluation.)

There are No Midget Farmers. period.


Burger King is back with their midgets.  I guess the last time they used midgets was a few years back. They were construction workers.  Perhaps Burger King is trying to make a statement “in this economy”  which is my newest hate-phrase. Everybody is being downsized.

Anyway, the newest Burger King commercial shows a midget farmer.

There are no midget farmers.

I said that outloud and Nancy heard me.

Will you stop being so prejudiced?, she asked.

There are no midget farmers, I said again.

How do you know?

Because every man my age knows there. are. no. midget. farmers. This was before the internet, before Snopes.com. This was knowledge men learned.

Every man my age knows:

  • There are no fat pole dancers. There are fat Pole dancers, but not at the Slippery Saddle.
  • There are no blind jockeys.
  • There is no such thing as bad barbeque.
  • A gay opera lover will not know the name of any NASCAR driver.
  • When dividing one polynomial by another polynomial, you must invert and… oh here, let Sandy explain:

I had forgotten that when you get ready to subtract, you MUST change the signs to the opposite. For instance, if my product (the answer to my multiplication portion) has + and/or – before any letter (with or without exponents), I need to change those signs when I go to subtract, i.e if my product was +7a5-6a2x, I need to change it to -7a5+6a2x and then subtract. Also worth noting are the basics: When multiplying a opposite signs, i.e +/- the product is negative, when multiplying two negatives; the product is a positive, when multiplying two positives; the product is positive. The same for rules apply for dividing. I had to also remember to SUBTRACT the exponents when dividing and ADD exponents when multiplying.

  • There is no crying in baseball.
  • You will die if you eat pop rocks and drink Coke.
  • 14 babies is too many.
  • There was a beer flood in London. People died.

Period. There are no midget farmers.

Robin Williams and Barbara Bush Got a Thang Goin’ On?

Barbara Bush enters hospital with heart condition while Robin Williams has breathing problems?

Barbara: Robin, you crushed my heart

Robin: Barbara, you leave me breathless

Mariska Hargitay: Robin! I *cough* thought I (gasp) was the (wheeze) only one.

Marion Barry: Oh, you three, stop kidneying around, it’s complicated.

Obama’s Pick to Watch the Nets: Genachowski

bits_broadband_stimulusThe Fresh President has picked a guy to watch over the internet. Julius Genachowski will be the next head of the FCC. His credentials seem to favor those of us who value open and unfettered access to the internet.

Julius is an outstanding choice for FCC Chairman. As the architect of President-elect Obama’s Technology and Innovation Plan, it is clear that he understands the importance of open networks and a regulatory environment that promotes innovation and competition to a robust democracy and a health economy.

But as long as  Connected Nation is lurking in the home state of Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell I can’t be as optimistic as the founder of Public Knowledge:

Thus, I am certain that he will seek to restore public confidence in an agency that has had a long history of opaqueness, industry capture, and a lack of data-driven policymaking.

Senator McConnell will be pushing hard to get that stimulus earmark money flowing into Kentucky.  And that means he will be pushing Connected Nation to get $350,000,000 for making a map.

I hope Genachowski hammers the telecos and cablecos to turn over data that they have previously withheld. The U.S. has fallen further and further behind under Martin, the Bush FCC chairman, and it’s going to take a massiv amount of commitment and energy to get us back to a leadership position in the world.

I’m glad he’s a young feller.