Monthly Archive for July, 2009

You’re Invited to My ‘Urban Loser’ Party

Published on July 31, 2009 in Baby Boomer. 3 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .


If you’re not white trash, you shouldn’t be writing about throwing a white trash party, biyotch.

According to ThisNext these are the necessities for a white trash party:

  • PBR
  • baby pool for PBR
  • charcoal grille
  • lawn chair
  • goofy fake teeth
  • hanes wife beater shirt
  • Wonder Bread hot dog buns
  • cowboy boots
  • denim short shorts
  • paper plates
  • mullet wig

Ha. Ha. Ha. That is just hilarious.

Here’s what you need for a ‘Urban Loser’ party:

  • Tuesday night
  • rooftop
  • mini lights
  • Take out Chinese food
  • Odors
  • red plastic cups
  • Corona
  • Grey Goose
  • Kanye West sunglasses
  • Posing for Facebook photos
  • sports team caps
  • sundress
  • girls kissing girls
  • cupcakes

Live, Firefox, Live

Published on July 31, 2009 in Blogging and Technology. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

ffbillion2

I’m not celebrating, I’m just okay with the fact that another 999,999,999 computers have Firefox installed and hopefully are using that instead of Internet Explorer.
Bill Gates is a Prick.

You’re probably like me, you have at least two browsers installed, and maybe four or five or none.

And, if you are like me, you get totally honked off at Firefox and switch to another browser just to teach it a lesson.

3.5 was a nightmare for me. Constant crashes. then 3.5.1 came out and ’tis alrighty.

Sometimes I write Die Firefox Die. But it won’t and another version is released and it’s OK for a while.

So Live, Firefox, Live.

How Banks Cheat on Government Oversight

Published on July 31, 2009 in Money. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Banks are still cheating on regulators and inspectors sent by the government.

For example, a business acquaintance of mine has an checking account that allows him to write 3 check a quarter.

He says that allows him to earn .125% on his money instead of .1%. :)

But once a year, he has the need to write 20 checks in one quarter. In the past, the banker always looked the other way and didn’t charge him any fees for the extra checks.

Now the bank is cheating because the government overseers are watching.

The bank said he couldn’t cheat for my friend anymore and waive the fees for those 17 checks that were over the limit because “they” were watching that type of activity.

The banker told the businessman, if it was okay with him, they would issue cashier’s checks on that same account –
and -
wait for it -
not charge him for cashier’s check.

That would be okay he said because the regulators aren’t watching that part of the business.

Okay, I get it that some banks offer cashier’s checks free for depositors. But the bank shouldn’t cheat their way around some federal watchdog.

And that is how banks cheat while the government is watching.

Apple Annouces the iTit

Published on July 30, 2009 in Entertainment and Technology. 6 Comments Tags: .


Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.

The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.

The iTit considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them…

manstaringatgazongas

UPDATE: On Brian’s suggestion, I checked to make sure the iTit was thoroughly tested. Here is a video of one of the tests.

UPDATE: Yanko Design has picked up on the iTit and offers this concept wireless mouse.

Erotic pleasure just took another techno turn and you can squarely blame the iTit for it. Deriving pleasure (rather inspiration) from Apple’s optical wireless mouse, the added feature to this design is tactile interaction with nipples! You read that right! A nipple provocatively beckons you to come and feel it…and responds to your caress as a joystick would.

UPDATE 2: For other concept iProducts: iShit, iBum, iBall, iCrotch, and Helena iVagina read this.

Conan Interprets Sarah Palin: Shatner Delivers

Published on July 28, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Education, Entertainment and Politics. 1 Comment Tags: , , , .

Sarah Palin is a poet.
She don’t know it,
her feet don’t show it.
But they sure are Longfellows.

(How old IS that ditty?)

Here is William Shatner delivering Sarah Palin’s speech in poetic mode as dictated by Conan.

…soaring through nature’s finest show.
Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun.
And then the extremes. In the winter time it’s the frozen road
that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty,
the cold though, doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?
And then in the summertime such extreme
summertime
about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter
than just some months ago, than just some months from now,
with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here,
Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life
teeming along the road that is north to the future.