Monthly Archive for July, 2009

Page 4 of 8

Charles Gibson and I Discuss Our Sketching


Charles Gibson, anchor of ABC Evening News, and I discussed our sketching.

In my dreams.

When you have sleep apnea, (I do) and you don’t use a CPAP (I do use one) you wake up 50-70 times every hour. Yeah, about once a second!  Apeneaphobes miss out on dreaming, because they miss out on the deep dream-state  sleep.

Even using a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) I hardly remember my dreams.

I remember this one. Have fun with the dream analysis.

Charlie Gibson and I were laying in bed, discussing some very important topic. He was referring to his notes and I was referring to mine.

I looked over and happen to notice that he had a sketch of himself. I commented that I also had a sketch of myself.

Except his sketch was much much better. It actually looked like him as he is now.
My self-portrait hasn’t changed since college:
skinnysketch

I never had a cleft chin, I just always thought they were cool. I’ve always worn button down shirts and glasses with long hair. Fairly accurate – from college age through about age 35.

This is closer to what I look like now:

fatsketch

Chubby cheeks, lines through my face, still have hair I can comb – on my head, my back, my ears, my nose, my ass. Back, crack and sack hair!

I commented to Charlie, that as good as our sketches were, they couldn’t hold a candle to Katie’s. Katie is an artist. This is her avatar – not really a self-portrait, unless she is a LOLCat doing jazz hands.

katieavatar

lolcatjazzhands

We agreed Katie’s was best.

I rolled over on my stomach and planned on going to sleep. (Remember, this is a dream!) and as I rolled over, I thought “I feel sorry for Charlie because Walter Cronkite died.”

As I rolled over, I noticed there was another guy in bed with us. I was in between.

I then did my corporate office routine:

Awakened, Gottup and Peed.

It was 3:57. Like the gun.

Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to bed loaded.

Walter Cronkite even timed his death to the news cycle


Walter Cronkite was a consummate newsman right up to the very end.

First, he tipped the newsers that he was close to death a couple weeks ago, so they all could get busy updating their massive obituaries. The family denied that death was imminent, but somehow Walter got the word to his colleagues.

Then he chose to die on Friday. With the weekend coming up, typically a slow news time, this also gave his newser friends a chance to take Friday evening to reflect, Saturday to accept, and Sunday to respect Walter Cronkite and his career.

CBS already had 60 Minutes in reruns so having his memorial tribute in their time slot was convenient.

Cronkite chose to die close enough to the 40th anniversary of the landing on the moon to have it tied to him, but not close enough to overshadow the event. Landing on the Moon would not have been the same without Walter Cronkite getting so emotional. He was a fan of the moon project and he let it show.

Here’s an interesting factoid:
Walter Cronkite was a helluva drummer.

OK, he’s just another old guy keeping time on a bass drum, but he’s Walter freakin’ Cronkite.

And that’s the way it was.

Now the Liars Have Turned Into Spammers


A couple days ago I explained how a bunch of goofball writers bought a bunch of stuff at thrift stores and put it on eBay writing lies about the backstory of each item.

Genius was the term I used. Now, I’m changing my tune.

Liars and spammers is who they are.

We’ll be adding a new story every single weekday, through July and August at least. (We’ve gotten a lot of great early press/blog coverage.) The writers are coming up with amazing stuff: Funny, sad, poignant, weird, perverse. And we have some interesting collaborations in the works that will take the story/object team-up in different directions still.

Not only are they liars, they stole the emblem of the Salvation Army!

Fakers Logo

Fakers Logo

Unfake Logo

Unfake Logo

I was kidding around before, but today I got some spam from them. And we all know how we love spam.

So I’m just getting the word out. Bidding aside, I hope you’ll check out some of the stories. (Though obviously I’d be thrilled if you chose to support these writers with a bid.) Leave a comment, tell a friend — or just enjoy some very imaginative new fiction, for free. We think it’s a cool way of thinking about objects and value.

Well guess what? Lying and spamming and stealing a charity logo is not “cool.”

Especially when they didn’t link back.

Losers.

How to Have a Better Yard Sale: Provide Each Item’s Backstory


Nancy had a yard sale this past Friday and Saturday.

We used to call them GABBY sales: Garage, Attic, Basement, Back Yard… some places they call them tag sales.

I decided I could 1. Vamoose, skeedaddle, disappear, or 2. set up a card table and for 5 cents provide the backstory for every item, so the potential purchaser could make a more informed decision. I thought that sounded like a whole lot of fun. But the temperature was black-leather-seats-in-the-sun hot and the wind was River-Rouge-steel-plant hot.

I chose #1. (Which turned into be a morning of running errands.)

Should have picked #2.

There’s research to prove that backstories sell more junk. Essentially that’s what Antiques Roadshow does. These people that show up at the event don’t have a clue what they are toting. So PBS drags in some “experts” (always from another contrasting-accent part of the country) to give the poor schlubs a backstory.

…Significant Objects. For the experiment, each writer is assigned a seemingly insignificant object that has been purchased at a Thrift Store for a few dollars and tasked with creating a story about it. The narratives will not only be posted on the website, but used as the product’s description on eBay where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidder, with all proceeds going to the author.

Genius.

As usual, I was thinking way too small. 1. I was limiting myself to our yard sale junk, and 2. I was only going to charge a nickel.

On second thought, I was only going to charge a nickel for my lies. These guys are going to tell whoppers and rip off some poor Morman Gramma from Utah.

I think eBay will frown on this.

If not, be on the lookout for Blanket Jackson’s pink flannel slippers worn only on the Squirmy Wormy at Neverland Ranch.

Remember the Taking of Pelham 1-2-3? It’s Back You F*****


travolta_taking-of-pelham-123
Remember the original Taking of Pelham 1-2-3? It was released in 1974.

I only vaguely remembered the plot and the movie trailers for the new release starring John Travolta and Denzel Washington didn’t do much to jar my memory.

In case you need a refresher, a NYC subway car is hijacked and a dispatcher has a hostage crisis on his hands. If the ransom isn’t paid, a passenger a minute is killed.

John Travolta plays the Robert Shaw part (the leader of the hijacking) and Denzel Washington plays the Walter
Matthau part of the MTA cop.

If you are not a fan of the “jerky-camera-school-of-photography” be prepared. The director Tony Scott loves it.

I like Travolta as a bad guy. He can pull it  off and Pelham 1-2-3 is another star in his crown for playing a really – really - bad guy in this film.

Denzel Washington is good in his good-guy role too.

In an effort to bring Pelham 1-2-3 current, the characters start espousing their religious views and theories which seemed out of character. But maybe that was just me.

And of course, there is a mind blowing, although totally unbelievable crash at the end.

It’s rated R so the F bombs are everywhere. But it’s full of action and bullets.

Pelham 1-2-3 makes me want to watch the 1974 version and see if F bombs add to the overall quality.

Nah, I already know the answer, they don’t.