Monthly Archive for October, 2009

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Total Knee Replacement: Miscellaneous Grumblings

As with all good medical health problem bloggers, no sordid detail will be left out about my Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmmmm)

Thanks for your comments here and on FB. I won’t respond each one because my fine motor skills are shot. I even missed my nostril and ended up picking an eye-booger, up to the second knuckle. This may be enough incentive to start voice blogging. I am going to stop replying to comments for a little bit.

Second, I wrote the Mole Day post before I was cut and drugged for my Total Knee Replacement (ta-da- dummmmmm) I was way more coherent that I really am.

Third, why would somebody choose to have this feeling by taking Hydrocone on purpose? But there are some many finer ways to self-medicate. Like belly-button (which according Esquire, is one of the words guys should never use) shots.

Fourth, the doctor sent me home with belly button shots! It’s a blood-thinner, which Humana refused to pay for.

bellybuttonshot

Have you ever done a jello shot out of somebody else’s belly button? I’m thinking this is not something older boomers have done.

Nextly, (I forgot where I was and am losing focus. (Which should have been my blog mantra from the beginning: Losing Focus since 1947.)

Today is my first day of therapy. The hospital physical therapist chick said I would be getting “more complex” therapy.

As long as it doesn’t involved solving Avocardo’s Number.

I can’t decide if it would be more fun to roll into the front lobby in the Smart or come crawling out of the back of the wagon.

October 23 is National Mole Day

Not these kinds of mole:
Austin Powers Mole
Spy vs Spy Classic Mad Magazine Comic
Mole Rodent Pest

It’s this kind of Mole aka Avogadro’s Number
602,213,700,000,000,000,000,000

6.022137 × 1023

It’s a unit of measurement used in chemistry. Mr. Chalker, my high school chem teacher would crap a mole (animal) if he knew I was writing about this. The old reprobate.

Mole Day is celebrated annually from 6:02 am to 6:02 pm by chemistry nerds and number nerds in schools throughout the U.S.

This brings forth such wit as…
Q: What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
A: Moletiplication

Q: What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
A: Watermolens

Q: Why was there only one Avogadro?
A: When they made him, they broke the Moled

Q: What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
A: Moleonucleosis

Q: What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream?
A: Oil of Molay

Q: What is Avogadro’s favorite kind of music?
A: Rock ‘N’ Mole

Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Molted

Q: Avogadro loved to watch M*A*S*H. Which character did he like most?
A: Father Molecahy

Q: What was Avogadro’s favorite Indian tribe?
A: The Molehawks

Exactly what is wrong with today’s educational system. Instead of studying all the minutiae about Avogadro’s number, its derivation and use among scientists, they make it another “let’s-have-cupcakes-and-make-up-jokes” day.

Wake up Moles! Math and numbers should be boring and tedious.

Total Knee Replacement: The Longer I Go The Hurtier I Get.

Owie.

The Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmm) was a piece of cake.Realz.

I was in and out of surgery by 10 am. Lotso pain until the morphine kicked in and then no problemo.

Total Knee Replacement - After

Total Knee Replacement - After - This is Improvement?

Up walking within a couple hours right after surgery. And walking more today. Enjoyed a little bondage in a gadget called a CPM: Constant Pain Mangler to restore range of motion on the ocean.
cpm

This damn thing has caused me more pain than anything. And no more morphine, I’m on pills.

Heading home tomorrow (Thursday) and rehab for Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmm) on Friday and thereafter.

Onward!

Owie.

Total Knee Replacement: Gaaa Day-am That Hurts

I’m pretty sure that’s how I feel today after my Total Knee Replacement (ta da dummmmm). I’ve been promised some pretty good drugs, so I may be blogging away like a madman!
timetoupdateblog

My Total Knee Replacement is a Dee-Pooey brand Total Knee Replacement.

And the doctor was assisted by a robot.

sexyrobot

No live webcast, sorry Homeland Security would not give me clearance.

Total Knee Replacement: Bring Me To My Knees With Your Cutting Edge Cracks

Put your links or jokes in the comments please. I’ll be well into the drugs after my Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmm) by the time I get a chance to read them, so I’m sure I will think each and every joke will be riotously hilarious.
Here’s one St. Todd DeCubbville and Bulbous sent me – in memory of my knee, and the Monty Python marathon 40th Anniversary on IFC.

And this showed up in my RSS from Bits and Pieces…

itshisknee

And I expect the after-effects of having a remote controlled Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmmm) will be that I will hate my leg almost as bad as this pooch.