Monthly Archive for October, 2009

Page 5 of 7

Let’s Be Careful Out There Owen Schmitt

Remember the desk Sargent on Hill Street Blues that ended every morning meeting with: Let’s Be Careful Out There?

Owen Schmitt is way to young to recall that. Perhaps, this is your brain on drugs? No, he’s still too young to remember that.  Hmmm, Shania Twain had a song “Don’t Be Stupid” a few years ago. Yeah, Owen Schmitt might remember that.

The NFL (No Fun League) needs to adopt this as their official slogan. As I watched the Colts dismember the Titans, twice personal fouls were called on Tennessee for “roughing the passer.”

Squeeze me? Roughing the passer? Isn’t that what linemen are supposed to do?

The average NFL player plays just 3.52 seasons and loses two to three years off his life expectancy for every season played. Mitz spent six seasons with the Seahawks on top of his four demanding college years at Florida. He knows this could significantly shorten his life.

The life expectancy for an average male is 75. The average life expectancy for an NFL player is 53-59 depending on which position they play. That seems about right for guys that are paid to knock the Billy Bejeezus out of each other.

The NFL is guys made up of guys like Owen Schmitt that played all through college, through rigorous professional training camps, and have the finest equipment to protect them.

Yet, rules are introduced every year to protect them from themselves.

Here’s another new rule: no three man wedge. Squeeze me? How can you make a wedge with two men? And can three men really make a wedge to give the kick/punt returner a huge advantage?

I say, bring back the flying wedge if the NFL really wants to protect the players from harm!

flying_wedge

Any league that wants Rush Limbaugh as an owner, better be prepared for some new rules. Rush recently said:

“recent statement that the NFL was beginning to look like a fight between the Crips and the Bloods without the weapons…

I’m pretty sure Rush sees this as a good thing.

But what do you do with guys like Owen Schmitt?

Hi, I Just Flipped a Switch, $69 Please, and Oh, By The Way, Can I Sell You a New Furnace?

67 Pig 69

There is nothing that pisses me off more than paying somebody to make me look like a complete idiot.

It was cool enough yesterday, and Nancy was running a slight fever, so she was cold. She turned on the furnace.

About 5:00 p.m. she came in and said “hear that motor running? Wonder what it is?” After lurking around the house, she said “it’s been making that noise all day.”

Damn tinnitus. The only way I could hear it was to turn everything off. As we stood in the hallway next to the thermostat, I turned off the furnace. The noise stopped. It wasn’t the fan motor it was some other sound.

That’s the extent of my diagnostic skills when it comes to furnaces that are in a crawl space with a dirt floor.

Nancy called the service guys and they came out today, walked in the house, turned on the switch I turned off, the furnace fired up, the fan fired up and they gave her a bill for $69 and said, “if he wants a new furnace we are extending the rebate program through the end of the year.”

Guess whut? That $69 bill you gave for walking in my house and flipping a switch just cost you a shot at selling me a new furnace.

You $69 pigs.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

houseanimatedbeer

Round and Round it Goes, I’d Like to Have An Argument

I sent an animation to a fellow, and The Other Fellow found it and made one of his own. ( Looks like he paid for the upgrade, me? I love free.)

Now I have made an animation too.

Too bad I didn’t discover this earlier, I could have wasted my Sunday on this rather than the other important stuff I did.

This is much more rewarding.

(apologies to Monty Python for stealing the concept)


Here is the rest of the original Monty Python “Argument” skit

Barry’s Nobel Prize is Better Than a Shoe at the Bush

Remember this?

shoethrownatbushanimatedgif

I think this is what the Nobel Prize committee remembers too.