Monthly Archive for December, 2009

Page 3 of 7

Christmas Calories

I think I did a pretty good job of limiting my caloric intake on Christmas Day to less than 10,000 calories.
Any calorie counters out there? If so, gimme your best guess:
Here’s my consumption on Christmas Day:

  • 3 Mimosa’s: 8 oz. each 1/2 champagne, 1/2 OJ
  • 4 helpings of Nancy’s “breakfast casserole, which is eggs, sausage, croutons, cheese, and some other tasty stuff.
  • 1 chocolate turtle: because I when I went back to eat the other two they had mysteriously disappeared!
  • 1 square inch of dark chocolate – but it was really really thin.
  • 4 cups of egg nog/Crown Royal: about 1/4 Crown Royal. Still have 4 cups left, which will be gone by today or tomorrow.
  • 12 oz. diet coke/Crown Royal: about 4:1 Coke.
  • 6 oz. diet coke sloshed in same glass that had residue of egg nog/Crown Royal because I didn’t want to dirty another glass.

I’ll hit the exercise equipment either today or tomorrow. How was your Calorie Christmas?

No L

Merry Christmas

Overheard: Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel.

Noel is Leon spelled backwards.
Leon was my dad’s name. Only strangers and his dad and sister called him that. His dad (Harlow) and sister (Morna) called him Lian and strangers called him LEE-on. Leon, Morna and Harlow, when’s the last time you met somebody with those names?

Almost as interesting as Cass, Tim and Zig: all women.(My mother and her sisters.)

My mom and their friends called my dad Veep.

No L in Veep.

Early in their marriage, my mother thoughtdad needed a nickname. She didn’t like his given name. The obvious one was to call him Van, because that was the first part of his last name. But also at the same time President Harry Truman’s vice-president was “The Veep.”

Mother liked the sound of that and started calling dad Veep. V.P. which are the initials of his last name = Vice President. Which lead to many chats with strangers who eventually asked “who’s Veep?” and “what is he Vice President of?”

Ice broken!

Truman’s Veep was Alben Barkley, a western Kentucky boy who was known as “Iron Man” because of his campaigning ability.

Iron Man.

Now that’s a nickname.

You can all me Aluminum Man. Renew. Recycle. Reuse.

Joyeux_Noël!

Wiz Kid Update

I was wrong about how St. Todd DeCubbville would fill the rain barrel. How much greenery nutrients does Miller Lite have anyway?

BATV Genius Reigns Supreme at Rain Water Barrel, Reins in Nag

St. Todd de Cubbville lives in Paradise. I know this because Bulbous, his wife – our spawn, keeps reminding us via her “another shitty day in Paradise” emails.

  • Sunny and 72…
  • Sunny and 75…
  • Partly cloudy and breezy 82…
  • we will be beaching it today…
  • another shitty day in Paradise…

St. Todd de Cubbville is not at his regular job this week, he is doing his other job, rebuilding, renovating, reclaiming, renewing, regenerating, restoring, and rejuvenating their little hunk of Paradise.

One of his earlier installations needed some refinement. He installed a barrel to collect rainwater to reuse to water the greenery on their little part of Paradise. He determined that a platform was needed and thus a platform was built.

Bulbous freaked out about the “skeeters” that might inhabit a rain barrel. When I suggested the rain barrel probably had a top, she was inappropriate.

“How would the water get in Padre?” she drizzled.

I said probably he would  collect the water from the gutters and downspouts.

“But we have no gutters and downspouts,” she spouted.

When the woman is right, she is right.

Today, St. Todd DeCubbville sent photographic evidence of his latest build.

I surmise that to fill this rain barrel, St. Todd DeCubbville, master of all that is audio, video and broadcast production is planning on filling it from his neighbor’s garden hose.

Bulbous didn’t marry no dummy.

Keep a lid on this, mmmmkay?  I don’t want to loose my tech support for the BATV.

Season of Love and Good Cheer: Left Handed Underwear; Death, Disease, and Hitler; Gunning for Snowballers; and More


It seemed like this would be any other day reading RSS Feeds, Grandad talking about Guinness, The Retired One showing off beautiful bird pictures, The Savvy Boomer ranting…

But as the posts rolled by a theme emerged in this season of Love and Good Cheer. There’s a bunch of curmudgeonly writing going on.

Grandad certainly was upset by the fire at the Guinness plant. But he was giddy at the thought of getting under Simon Cowell’s skin.

I don’t give a flying fuck who’s in the charts, to be honest, but anything that makes that wanker miserable is going to cheer me up.  I am sick to the teeth of him and his fucking X-Factor.

I have never watched the programme.  I would far rather have my testicles slowly removed with rusty shears than watch that unadulterated crap.

The Retired One has a bunch of photos that apparently are lodged in her camera, yet to be retrieved, so she wrote about Men’s Left-handed underwear and compared and contrasted them with women’s underwear – complete with illustrations!

Well, isn’t THAT special?

Men just might be inconvenienced by how they reach into their underwear if they are left-handed, so they are going to accommodate them.

Well, ladies, what do you say about that one?

The Savvy Boomer tsked-tsked at the fact that a cop brought a gun to a snowball fight.  Obviously, he’s never been to Washington D.C.

Steph opines that Dogs Don’t Go To Heaven. She’s been thinking about the Rapture and was stunned by this revelation…

Anyway, think about this. In the rare chance that the Rapture does happen sometime, what would become of all those pets? I mean, around here, every pick-up with a “Cowboy up for Jesus” sticker on it also has a dog in the back. Here’s a site that offers compassionate care for born again dogs that were foolish enough to believe that a life of loyalty and unconditional love would assure them of a place in Doggie Heaven.

Blow something up this Holiday Season is the guidance offered by The Cat Lady.

A guy running around naked in his apartment and getting arrested sets the Bodacious Boomer into a full blown rumination about the types of guys and naked positions she prefers.

Since I no longer have small children I really don’t have a problem with this; especially if the guy looked like Giles Marini (the sexy neighbor from the Sex and the City movie). However, knowing my luck, the gentleman in the buff would look like Fred Mertz.

And to round of the season of good cheer and joy, Davis W regaled us with the woman who died because she was a chicken when it came to disease, how to get rid of H1N1 oversupply, and Hitler’s List.

“He was working his way down the list of people that he had wronged, trying to personally apologize to each and every one,” wrote Hermann Witzer, human resources manager of the Nazis’ Berlin office. “It really looked like he was headed in the right direction after so many years of difficulty. All of us had noticed a change in his manner.”

Just the kind of reading I needed to lower the saccharine content that so many blogs start filling up with this time of year.