Monthly Archive for February, 2010

Page 4 of 7

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

Published on February 15, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments

64 = 65.

Hint. The explanation involves the famous Fibonacci numbers.

In general, if Fk denotes the k-th Fibonacci number, a Fn×Fn square can be rearranged into a Fn-1×Fn+1 rectangle according to Cassini’s identity that is easily proven by induction

(2) Fn+1·Fn+1 – FnFn+2 = (-1)n

There, that explains it, now move along.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Published on February 14, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 0 Comments

You Know What I Really Like?

Published on February 13, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments

Remember…
  • your first taste of beer? You didn’t like it. I didn’t like it. But the grown-ups seem to like it, so I learned to like it. Now I really like water.
  • the first time you tasted pizza? The floury tomato mush? Now I really like celery.
  • the first time you tasted rum? The skunky mushrooms flavor? Now I really like water.
  • the first time you ate cheese puffs and your fingers turned orange? Now I really like regular fingertips.
  • the first time your dad passed gas in front of you and you thought it was gross? Now I really like the sound my stomach makes when I try to keep from passing gas.
  • the first time you realized your chest was never going to develop like you saw in magazines? Now I really like saggy hairy moobs.
  • the first time you drank bourbon? The woodsy burnt toast flavor? Now I really like water.
  • the first time you ate Death by Chocolate? The bitter aftertaste? Now I really like radishes.
  • the first time you ate chocolate-chip cookie dough? The coarse cold texture? Now I like one baked cookie.
  • brain freeze from eating ice cream too fast? Now I like a warm brain.
  • glazed donuts and getting sticky fingers that you couldn’t get unsticky because your tongue was sticky? Now I like lettuce.
  • struggling to rise from the recliner? Now I like swimming and water aerobics and going to the gym.

Yep. Lies. All Lies… I like:

  1. beer by Miller Chill
  2. pizza by the $4.99 large pepperoini
  3. rum in my  Coke
  4. cheese puffs by the Sam’s Club size
  5. passing gas loudly
  6. giant hairy belly
  7. bourbon with my cigar
  8. chocolate by the pound
  9. chocolate chip cookie dough
  10. multiple brain freezes
  11. one dozen
  12. watching the Winter Olympics without moving

Who am I kidding? It’s hopeless. I am doomed. I have no will-power. I am a schlub. Chub. Corpulent. Lardy. Obese. Porky. Tubby.

But stubborn.

You know the first time you hit 200 pounds (shut up if you didn’t) and thought what a (see above adjectives?) What I like is binging and purging.

Oliver Learns from The Family Circus

Published on February 12, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 6 Comments Tags: , , , .

Oliver is our Shit-Zoo. He is the only dog that is allowed to go off-leash to do his duty in the front yard. The others are relegated to piling up their poo in the fenced backyard because they can not be trusted to focus.

The “others” tend to get distracted by squirrels, other dogs, each other, cars, clouds, leaves, airplanes, and just general barkiness.

Oliver knows his  mission when he and I leave the front door. He focuses on finding the perfect spot to pee. He always finds more than one perfect place.

He follows the Family Circus route to urinate.

I think he needs Flomax.

(Not to scale - some colors may vary)

Sky Rehab Aerobics Skinny Bitch Owes Me 1100 Calories

Published on February 10, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 4 Comments Tags: , .


I was motivated yesterday.
I swam laps for 30 minutes at noon AND I had plans on doing water aerobics yesterday evening. Instead, I ate 8/10 of a large pepperoni pizza from Godfather’s.

Dammit.

The aerobics class is at 5:30, I arrived about 5:10 just as a snow squall moved through Smallburg. Apparently, the aerobics pool girl was psychic and decided that nobody in their right mind would want to dip themselves in 90 degree water and work up a sweat when it was 25 degrees with a 20 mph wind gusting the snow.

Skinny bitch.

5:30 came and went. I realized I needed gas (in the car.) Pulling into the Marathon/Godfather’s Pizza Palace and Beer Cave, there is was:

Today Only
Large One Topping Pizza
$4.99

I ate 8 /10 of the pizza.  800 calories. By not doing water aerobics that’s at least 300 calories that didn’t get burned.

1100 calories. On a day when I could have actually burned more calories than I consumed.

There is a conspiracy. I am convinced.
I am doomed.

UPDATE: I got some advice from Jack Sh*t: (these are just a few of his ideas…)

  • To save time, work exercise into everyday activities. For example, don’t use a cart when you’re at the grocery store. Just get one item at a time, pay for it and take it to the car. Four or five hours later, you’ll be done with both your workout and your grocery shopping!
  • An easy way to get in some extra walking is to run out of gas in your car.
  • Remember that you’re not restricting the foods that you love forever… just for the rest of your life.
  • They say that wearing too-tight clothes can keep your focused on your diet, so start wearing toddler outfits from Gymboree.