Monthly Archive for February, 2010
Page 5 of 7
I didn’t write this book.
But any guy that designed a workout machine for Jackie Chan is pretty tops in my book. BTW: Jackie Chan is starring a new movie The Shinjuku Incident, for all you Jackie Chan movie buffs.
But I digress.
Do It or Age Quickly is by JB Berns.
JB Berns created the Urban Rebounder. You know, the little trampoline that is now in thousands of professional and home gyms…
JB Berns & Urban Rebounder
I’m sure this made him a rich man. If that didn’t the Jackie Chan Cable Flex System as seen on Tee Vee certain did.
I admire any Boomer that comes up basically a kids toy and a book full of little tidbits that are done in only Sixty seconds and can make a living.
Berns promises if you do his 21 recommendations, you will have better hair, better skin, better sex, less stress, lose weight, gain flexibility and be able to speak seven languages.
(I made up the part about the promise and the languages.)
You won’t buy into all his advice. Like I had a little trouble with a lot of his advice just because I’m that way.
He advises you on
- sleeping positions to improve your health
- how to sit in a chair
- how to exercise your guts and other body parts
- isometric exercise
- products that will improve your life and looks
- animal exercises
- getting stronger sex organs
- rebounding
- and of course diet
… and whole bunch of other stuff…
For example, he says during sex you should click or clench your teeth for healthier teeth. Thirty six times you should open and close your teeth at least 1/2 an inch. (Or you can do it when you poop too.) Nom. Nom. Nom. Oh. Yes. Yes. Yes.
But as with any self-help book, you can pick and choose which you wish to apply to your life. I like some of the stretching exercises and would wouldn’t love massaging oneself with a loofah for Sixty seconds?
I’ve incorporated many of JB Berns isometric exercises into my pre-lap swimming routine.
Yes, there are dirty drawings included. In the section on animal exercises, JB Berns illustrates the 12 acupuncture points around a vagina. I’m guessing he had some help in this area. He has no opinion on whether or not the G Spot really and truly exists.
And the correction position to massage a prostate gland is also illustrated.
Uck. Pass.
A big part of the book is recommendations on products JB Berns recommends to improve live better, stronger and longer.
This is a skimmable book, which I like. I figure if I grab some useful hints and tips (which I did) I’m ahead of where I started.
If I decide I need to kick Jackie Chan’s ass, I’ll have a reference book on how to get in shape. Which of course would end in me writing a book: I Did It and Died Quickly.
I’ve been listening to Rex Havens – a Christmas gift – and he’s a funny guy. He notes that in understanding women, there are only two lies a woman will tell to a man:
“Whatever makes you happy” and “Fine!”
Otherwise, the man is always wrong, and should never stop saying “I’m sorry.”
Those are the only things I’ve learned about men and women which are always true.
Love does not mean you never have to say you’re sorry.
If you’re a husband, love means you never STOP saying you’re sorry.
Love means a husband should start off each day with an apology before he even gets out of bed . . . for anything he did wrong in her dream. Because most every husband has been punished for fun he did not even have!!
This day I was wrong twice, but it had nothing to do with marriage – thank goodness.
First, remember when I thought I found an ab?
Wrong.
It was the bacon rising to the surface.
The second time was when I did a computer scan and restart and Magic Jack seemed to have died.
I almost just unplugged it and remained satisfied that I had a good run and didn’t pay that much for it anyway. But before I gave up, I gave it a half-assed hearted attempt to revive it.
Kind of like the commercial where the bunny is dead and the teacher rubs his hair with balloons to defibulate the critter.
First I reseated the USB plug. That’s tech talk for unplugged it and plugged it back in the same port.
Same message.
I got busy doing some meaningful things. (Buying new pants because my other pants are all too large! and releasing my inner Mark Phelps by doing some lap swimming!)
Next time I sat down and fired up the computer, Magic Jack tried to launch again and somehow their home page launched. There was an upgrade link, so I clicked it and Voila.
Magic Jack is still working like a charm.
I haven’t seen this one around for a while, but Avitable has decided to revive it. Then Grant did it too. Then Cynical Bastard did.
So, I figured I would too.
1. Go to the “Random Article” link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band.
2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover.
- Internal decapitation
- close-knit family in another city.
- Everybody is copyrighting their images, so my image was fifth.
Here are the previous two versions of this meme.
First…
Second…
*Jumping with joy*
There are two new forums that I found for you. One isn’t active yet…
- Community will have exciting improvements in April. From easier ways to join interesting conversations to faster searches, you’ll find connecting with others more fun than ever. You’ll also discover…
- New technology for a smoother and more dynamic user experience
- Feature enhancements to support and showcase your discussions, comments, photos, and more
Check out the AARP Guide Blog to learn more about the new Online Community.
Or… and this is the one I am recommending: Very Serious, You Are on Fire, Just Kidding. Why am I recommending this? Because you CAN draw a picture of a dinosaur and post it and everybody thinks you are just the best ever dino-drawer.
Frontrunner
is how my entry was described. And if YOU LIKE TO TYPE IN WITH CAPS LOCK ON, THERE IS A CAPS LOCK AREA. But be careful, this is an internet forum and it can get dangerous. There will be words:
- goiter-tits
- Penis-hands
- Kitten-monger
- German Toe-Face
- Soggy juice-mouth
- chair sniffer
These words may be used against you. Just because there is a hyphen in the word, don’t think these words are not serious words. Because this forum is Very Serious.
