Baby boomer man humorously looking at mid-life, retirement, and memories.
Oh fer gawd’s sake. You Know What’s Really Fun? I know better than to write the headline first. That is just so pathetic.
I am pathetic.
But I wrote it and by gawd, I’m sticking with it.
You Know What’s Really Fun?
When you comment on a blog and read other comments and see a comment from somebody you thought was dead.
And it turns out I just inadvertently deleted his RSS from my feed.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
He is alive. (I guess I should have saved this for Easter?)
I’m not a writer. But you knew that. Let me add to your edification and elucidation. I hardly hand-write anything, outside of my signature on a credit card swipey thing. Which by the way, I have just come to making a squiggle that any sane person would recognize as meaningless. It’s all part of my plan to max out my credit cards one day using just the squiggle signature and then challenge them all.
“Not me… look at that signature… must have been a monkey!”
Cynical B wrote about this meme and I thought it would be interesting. Not so much for what I wrote, but for the people I tagged. I do hope they do it. I think seeing their handwriting would be interesting.
Click to enlarge
The questions …
1. Your name/blog name?
2. Right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous?
3. Favorite letters to write?
4. Least favorite letters to write?
5. Write “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
6. Write the following words in capital letters:
- CRAB
- HUMOR
- KALEIDOSCOPE
- PAJAMAS
- GAZILLION
7. Write your favorite song lyric.
8. Tag people!
9. Any special note or picture.
I’m tagging Grandad because I know they don’t allow him sharp objects and he will have to use a marker; Catch Her In The Wry, because she doesn’t have anything else to do before April 15; Suburban Hippie because the meme doesn’t contain the word; Hyperbole and a Half, even though I spelled her name wrong, it’s really Allie Raptor; Joy of Six because I bet she handwrites a lot! Probably even hand writes thank you notes; and Larry Wallberg only handwrites notes in the margins of books.
Barbie has a dog that craps magnetic turds.
Finally, Barbie has a dog that eats and makes a mess! When Tanner has to crap, Barbie cleans up with her special magnetic scooper and trash can.
International Pooper Scooper Day is Coming.
It’s one of those “made-up” weeks. Like “Get A Grip Week” (Testicular Cancer Week) and “Lie First Before You Lie Last” (Golden Rule Week) and “Chill Out With Your Pills Out” (Medication Safety Week) which all occur April 1 – 7.
And if you think this isn’t an important week, remember: Hot Chicks Pick Up Dog Shit. Even Barbie.
The American Pet Association estimates that over 4.4 billion pounds of poop are crapped in the U.S. That’s enough to cover 900 football fields with 12 inches of dog waste – or one football field with 900 feet of poop. Which would make for a fascinating Super Pooper Bowl.
Tuesday I will be tested to see if I am qualified to be a head-counter, a body-counter, a census worker… a CENSER!
I filled out the practice test like I do most government forms, quickly and full of half-truths.
Like my 1040.
When I called to ask about the next testing session, I was told to bring two forms of identification:
It says right on the Social Security Card: Don’t Try To Use This To Buy Beer. It’s not an official identification card, so “they” say.
When I asked if my pass-a-porto would be acceptable, the worker had a slight orgasm. “Oh, Oh, Oh, you have a passport? Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Then I said “or I can bring my green card.”
Silence.
In case you want to try to get a job as a Census Worker – a Censer – here is the practice test. I got 67% correct, which probably qualifies me not only to be a human bean-counter, but may get me a tutor to.
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot,
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”
I always had trouble with story problems when I was in school. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t get these right… I got tired of reading so I just guessed. I’m thinking on the real test, I’ll write in an answer. I’m pretty sure the exam-giver will be an ESL grad, so like this dude, I’ll do OK. I’ll get the answers right, just in an inappropriate way.
11. Census takers who visit homes to collect census information are called enumerators. They are told
to use any person who owns or rents the housing unit as the “reference person” and then to list the
relationship of every household member to the “reference person.” When an enumerator interviews
at 1105 Low Street, he talks to Mr. Sanchez. Mr. Sanchez says that both Mr. and Ms. Morales own
the house and all three are household members. Who should the census taker list as the reference
person?
The answer to question 11 is based on the information below.
A census taker is told to count only the following as living in a particular household:
• Family members living here, including babies still in the hospital
• Relatives living here
• Lodgers or boarders or hired hands living here
• Domestic employees or hired hands living here
• Other persons living here
• College students who stay here while attending college, even if their parents live elsewhere
• Persons who usually live here, but are temporarily away (including children in boarding school
below the college level, but excluding family members serving in the armed forces)
• Persons with a house elsewhere, but who stay here most of the week while working
In item 11, select the person the census taker would count as living in that household:
A) Either Mr. Morales or Ms. Morales
B) Mr. Morales
C) Ms. Morales
D) Mr. Sanchez
I answered A. I can’t remember if that was right or not. You can look it up if you want, the answers are on the bottom of the practice test.
What’s that got to do with being a Censor anyway? Doesn’t Google make all those decisions anyway?
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