Take it easy! Have a Happy Monday!
Monthly Archive for March, 2010
Page 3 of 6
This isn’t officially my third anniversary of blogging, but close enough. I’ve never been a stickler for complete and utter accuracy here anyhoo!
This is how you know you are old.
It’s a gray rainy Saturday, there are no kids in the house, and the two of you spend your day standing eggs on their ends.
Kirk and his lady proved once again, they have the skills necessary for being successful to live a full life while in Vermont on a gray rainy Saturday – which also happens is the vernal equinox, the first day of Spring.
They spent time standing eggs on end.
And then took pictures.
Now there are those who will tell you that you can balance eggs on their bottoms any old time of the year but take it from a couple of experts. You gotta hard boil ‘em in the upright position first if you expect to do so. Go ahead, try it yourself if you don’t believe me.
I don’t believe it, but I am not motivated enough to prove Kirk wrong. It’s a gray rainy Sunday and I’m busy doing other things.
Like smarting off on Kirk’s blog comment section:
Standing O!
I once owned an oversized hen
layed eggs you could always stand on end.
She was quite a clever cluck,
bigger than any Woodchuck
Had her for Sunday dinner. Amen.
Which reminded me of this old favorite.
I’m not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig plucker’s son,
but I’ll pluck your figs
till the fig plucker comes.
Which reminded me of Bulbous’s friend Ron who holds the trademark for “April Madness” and “Final Three.”
And that is the story of my blog.
Just a series of eggstanding eggsamples of eggstenstive eggcellent eggsaggerations and eggstravagances.
When one applies for car insurance, the insurer inquires as to the driving habits of the person purchasing the insurance.
A string of questions usually includes:
Have you been convicted of a moving violation within the past three years? If yes, explain. In the future I will have to answer “Yes” to All-Farm-Geico-Mutual-Travelers Insurance because:
I passed a dead gal.
Actually, I passed a dead gal’s friends.
*blink *blink
I have always respected the dead when they are taking their final cruise to be placed at peace. I have stopped or pulled off the road to let the funeral procession proceed.
Except yesterday.
I was cruising down the four lane street that passes in front of the Place-of-Plots Cemetery at noon, I was in the left lane passing a line of cars in the right lane. As soon as I saw the cruiser (macho=cruiser) with lights flashing, I realized the right lane of traffic was a funeral procession turning into the Constant-Ground-Under-Repair Resting Land.
I stopped about 200 yards short of the entrance to the Official-Planting-Ground-for-the-Unburnable.
An officer (macho=officer) stepped off the curb and into my lane and pointed to his right to the other entrance to Come-To-Jesus Memorial Lawns.
*blink
Then he pointed at me and pointed there again. I slowly rolled forward and read his lips “pull over.”
*blink *blink
A female officer approached and asked if I knew it was against the law to pass a funeral procession.
Suppressing “Are You F***ing Kidding Me?” I said no, explaining that I thought it was only a sign of courtesy and respect and as soon as I realized I was passing the dead gal’s friends, I stopped.
Mrs. Taylor lived to be 95 years old and was a hard worker. I would have liked her. She worked her fingers to the bone…
She was a folder at Union Underwear and worked at Wishy Washy Laundromat after her retirement.
(Union Underwear is now Fruit-of-the-Loom)… and was old enough that she had out-lived a lot of her family.
She was preceded in death by a daughter, Linda Sue Phelps; a son, Bobby Ray Taylor; four brothers, John Smith, George Smith, Roy Smith and Coy Smith; five sisters, Ester Jones, Myrtle Woods, Helen Hood, Jane Andrews and Velma Miller; and a granddaughter, Sheila Ann Young.
I respect her. But since I don’t have details about her friends in the funeral procession, I don’t know about them.
No matter. In Kentucky KRS 189.378 (8) is the law regarding funeral processions:
When a funeral procession is in progress, a person driving a vehicle not in the procession shall not pass or overtake any vehicle in the procession…
*blink
Respect has nothing to do with it. Lawmakers decided that drivers in Kentucky should not pass dead people. Smallburg’s finest persons-in-blue decided that I was a out-of-control scofflaw that needed to be taught a hard lesson.
They snatched me from the car and beat me to a bloody pulp with their nightsticks, blinded me with pepper spray and tased me within an inch of my life.
I got a Uniform Citation along with an April 16 court date.
Respect the dead, but Smallburg cops that pull funeral procession duty aren’t worth it.
UPDATE: an acquaintance told me she got a Uniform Officer Citation for not signaling while changing lanes. There was no traffic around her, she just moved over 1/2 a lane to avoid a temporary steel plate covering a pothole!
When I read yesterday that some specialists were turning away clients who ordered an Irish Car Bomb, of course I had to have the local barman put together the ingredients for me last night.
In a tall glass fill about 5/8 full with Guinness, add a jigger of Jameson Irish Whiskey, then drop in a jigger of Bailey’s Irish Cream.
I can honestly say it was “not bad.” I’m not a big fan of Guinness, but the Jameson cut the taste, and having the sweetness of the Bailey’s sitting at the bottom of the pint left me with a good taste in my mouth.
But I didn’t order another.
I can understand those of Irish descent taking offense. Imagine walking into a GI bar and ordering an IED: The ingredients might be: Budweiser, Jim Beam, and breast milk.
Not cool.
Or a Jewish Market Destroyer. Ingredients: Mogan David, Chivas (Kosher), and Giraffe Milk (also Kosher.)
Too soon.
From Treehugger comes disturbing news.
Michigan’s last Wolverine is dead. I am a Michigander. I will soon be extinct too.
The Wolverine was the official state animal and since it doesn’t snow as much in Michigan as it used to, the Wolverine population has been in decline.
Hikers found the last remaining Wolverine dead from natural causes. The first spotted the wolverine in 2004. Teacher Jeff Ford tracked the animal for years and says it had distinctive markings “like a fingerprint.” He says years of monitoring failed to document any other wolverines in the area.
- The University of Michigan team nick-name is the Wolverines.
- Wolverines were the name given to the insurgents in one of the great teen-flicks, Red Dawn. Which is going to be re-released:
This time around Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer will be distributing the film directed by Dan Bradley (long time stunt coordinator, first time director). There is already a tremendous amount of buzz surrounding this remake of a cult classic, which will replace the Soviet Union with China and the WolverSheens with:
Chris Hemsworth as Jed Eckert
Josh Peck as Matt Eckert
Josh Hutcherson as Robert
Adrianne Palicki as Toni
Isabel Lucas as Erica
Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Col. Andy TannerCol. Strelnikov: [he lectures the Russo-Cuban Army about what must be done regarding the Wolverines] From this moment on… There will be no further reprisals against civilians. This was stupid. Impotence. Comrades… If a fox stole your chickens… Would you slaughter your pig because he saw the fox? No. You would hunt the fox… You would find where it lives and destroy it! And how do we do this? Become a fox.
- Hugh Jackman was a passable Wolverine.
- And of course the internet was named after Wolverine World Wide. (that’s why you sometimes see http://www…)
This was the only Michigan wolverine spotted in the state since the early 1800s. Most of the wolverines are found farther north, in Alaska and across Canada. However, as the planet heats up, the species is disappearing.
That’s too bad.
Another part of Michigan is extinct because of global-warming. First cars, Gerald Ford, and now the Wolverine.
I suppose the Michiganders will now choose the Goose as their official state animal.
Honk.
