When one applies for car insurance, the insurer inquires as to the driving habits of the person purchasing the insurance.

A string of questions usually includes:

Have you been convicted of a moving violation within the past three years? If yes, explain. In the future I will have to answer “Yes” to All-Farm-Geico-Mutual-Travelers Insurance because:

I passed a dead gal.


Actually, I passed a dead gal’s friends.

*blink *blink

I have always respected the dead when they are taking their final cruise to be placed at peace. I have stopped or pulled off the road to let the funeral procession proceed.

Except yesterday.

I was cruising down the four lane street that passes in front of the Place-of-Plots Cemetery at noon, I was in the left lane passing a line of cars in the right lane. As soon as I saw the cruiser (macho=cruiser) with lights flashing, I realized the right lane of traffic was a funeral procession turning into the Constant-Ground-Under-Repair Resting Land.

I stopped about 200 yards short of the entrance to the Official-Planting-Ground-for-the-Unburnable.

An officer (macho=officer) stepped off the curb and into my lane and pointed to his right to the other entrance to Come-To-Jesus Memorial Lawns.


Then he pointed at me and pointed there again. I slowly rolled forward and read his lips “pull over.”

*blink *blink

A female officer approached and asked if I knew it was against the law to pass a funeral procession.

Suppressing “Are You F***ing Kidding Me?” I said no, explaining that I thought it was only a sign of courtesy and respect and as soon as I realized I was passing the dead gal’s friends, I stopped.

Mrs. Taylor lived to be 95 years old and was a hard worker. I would have liked her. She worked her fingers to the bone…

She was a folder at Union Underwear and worked at Wishy Washy Laundromat after her retirement.

(Union Underwear is now Fruit-of-the-Loom)… and was old enough that she had out-lived a lot of her family.

She was preceded in death by a daughter, Linda Sue Phelps; a son, Bobby Ray Taylor; four brothers, John Smith, George Smith, Roy Smith and Coy Smith; five sisters, Ester Jones, Myrtle Woods, Helen Hood, Jane Andrews and Velma Miller; and a granddaughter, Sheila Ann Young.

I respect her. But since I don’t have details about her friends in the funeral procession, I don’t know about them.

No matter. In Kentucky KRS 189.378 (8) is the law regarding funeral processions:

When a funeral procession is in progress, a person driving a vehicle not in the procession shall not pass or overtake any vehicle in the procession…


Respect has nothing to do with it. Lawmakers decided that drivers in Kentucky should not pass dead people.  Smallburg’s finest persons-in-blue decided that I was a out-of-control scofflaw that needed to be taught a hard lesson.

They snatched me from the car and beat me to a bloody pulp with their nightsticks, blinded me with pepper spray and tased me within an inch of my life.

I got a Uniform Citation along with an April 16 court date.

Respect the dead, but Smallburg cops that pull funeral procession duty aren’t worth it.

an acquaintance told me she got a Uniform Officer Citation for not signaling while changing lanes. There was no traffic around her, she just moved over 1/2 a lane to avoid a temporary steel plate covering a pothole!

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Scofflaw — 9 Comments

  1. Do you ever wonder WHAT THE FUCK these guys actually DO for a living? Aren’t there people with no teeth in KY that are building meth labs as we speak?

    I mean, I LIVED there. I KNOW what goes on there. And trust me; passing dead people AIN’T the problem in KY.

    This is why I hate cops. This is why I hate my uncle. Cops in Britain know why they become cops; to serve and protect. Cops in the US become cops for one reason and one reason only; to compensate for a very small penis and lack of compassion from their mother.

    I FUCKING hate cops.

    Don’t get me started on my last citation.
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithWhy Your Money Is In Good Hands In Banks =-.

  2. Um, I guess that would be two reasons, wouldn’t it?

    Hm, maybe KY had an effect on me; I can’t count.

    And bulbous, if you honestly think the dead give a shit about a car passing a hearse, then your life must be a lot less problem-free than most.

    I want that kind of life. The one where all I have to worry about is a lack of respect for a car passing a hearse. Where the only thing that offended me in life was the fact that I can say, “who’s that fucker that just passed me in that American car, because here in KY we won’t buy foreign cars?”
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithWhy Your Money Is In Good Hands In Banks =-.

  3. @Absurdist: just to set you and bulbous straight. I didn’t pass the hearse, it was already in the graveyard. And I don’t make a habit of passiing funeral processions.

    BUT: it should not be a friggin’ LAW that I can’t be rude and pass a dead guy – or his friends and cuzzins.

    METH? hell yeah, but pot is the biggest cash crop. Makes it easier for lazy officers to find and destroy. Meth is too hard to find (until it explodes.)

  4. Hey, were there any cops at the head and butt of the procession? You know, if there weren’t, you could appeal the ticket.

    There are supposed to be cops at the head and butt to let people know it’s a corpse procession.

    Otherwise, all it is is a bunch of old fucks driving really slowly. I mean, how are you supposed to know there’s not a big sale on at wal-mart or something, or if the local retirement home had a big break out?
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithWhy Your Money Is In Good Hands In Banks =-.

  5. @Absurdist: Nobody at the end. Law says the cars just need to have little flags.
    BUT, I got a better case!

    1. The cop that pulled me over was not the cop that wrote the ticket. She did not witness the alledged crime.
    2. I was in violation of KY Statute 812.1234 (4) (passing dead people). The Uniform Officer Citation says I violated 812.1234 (8) which is cutting in and out of the dead people procession.

    I’ve been offered to have the citation “taken care of” by a friend who has vast experience in getting worse things taken care of. I’m still thinking.