(via Engrish Funny)
Monthly Archive for April, 2010
Page 2 of 5
I attended one of “those” events.
You know, the event where you “have” to show up? The one where #1 in the company is on the podium and since you’re #2 he expects you to be there?
I’ve been attending these kind of events for decades. I’ve had the same conversation a hundred times:
Hi, I’m Poopy Pants McGee (when we have seen each other at the similar events eight times a year.)
Hi, I’m Sixty. Good to see you ahhhhhhgin…
So how are things at the ole Rooty-Tooty-Bazootie?
Oh, about the same as always. ‘Nother day, ‘nother dollar.
ahahaha
ahahaha
Sure has been some great weather, we need/don’t need rain though.
Sure do/don’t.
Today the event was at the worst time of day for any friggin’ fete. Morning. Breakfast. It’s a nice event, to honor “real people” and their volunteerism.
But the only people that show are the same faces year after year after year. The politicians.
Today was the worst ever. I sat next to Senator Mitch McConnell’s aide-de-camp. I really despise everything the man stands for (or usually stands against.) Across from me was a two year old. I tried my hardest to engage her in conversation, but all she wanted to do was stuff muffins in her face.
Aide-de-camp: Are you from Kentucky originally?
Whale shit, little missy, kaint y’all tell? (I was thinking) No, I’m from Michigan originally. You?
Yes, Owensboro though, not Smallburg. (Like living 50 miles from where you grew up is a major life changing event.)
Your boss did a great job of earmarking a barge-load of federal tax money to make the Ohio riverfront look great. (I was thinking.) Big barbecue festival coming up, soon, right?
Yes, Mother’s Day.
Bet Mitch sends you to that Pork Fest too, Happy Mother’s Day. (I was thinking.) Always draws a huge crowd, hope the weather cooperates.
Yes.
Breakfast was served: some flakey omeletty cheesey thing that I didn’t eat and a bowl of fruit that I did eat.
I miss being #1.
Being #2 in a company that everybody knows, is a monopoly, and everybody has an opinion about, has few perks. Not that being on the podium and having to say a few words is a perk, but being invited up there is something I miss.
Ego. But as long as I know it’s ego, and that I’m only up there because of my job title, that’s what counts right? Or that I’m invited in the first place is not because of my scintillating personality or conversation skills, but my job title, that’s OK, right?
Some other #1 people in other communities actually think people respect and admire their opinions. When I was #1, (a position I held five times in other places) it was always a hoot to have a local big-wig come calling. Made me feel important. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t me, it was my job title.
#2 is similar to being a pharmacist or a priest now-a-days. Back in the day, they were respected powerful leaders.
Today? Not so much.
Father Sixty?
Sixty, RPh.?
At least I got paid. And got a free bowl of fruit. And it only lasted an hour. And it was to honor four very deserving people.
Could have been worse. I could have had to say a few words from the podium.
I’ve chewed more gum this past six months while losing weight than my previous 180 years of lifetime.
Yes, I chewed a lot of Bazooka gum as a lad. Next to Bazooka, my favorite was Juicy Fruit, usually a whole pack at a time because the flavor didn’t last as long. Of course Bazooka’s flavor lasted about the same, but when the flavor was gone, there were always the awesome bubbles.
I’m chewing sugarless gum now because it does help reduce the snack cravings I used to have and the rest of my teeth won’t fall out.
I’ve settled on Wrigley’s Extra because the flavor really does last a long time.
So where’s my friggin’ free gum?
Ya see, they have this website to visit and plug in some super-secret code (something akin to “Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine.”)
Instead of announcing right away, I am a LOSER. They send me an email. (See Above)
I’ve probably entered 50 times and haven’t gotten as much as a COUPON for a pack of Extra gum. Stop entering? Oh, you don’t know me well enough to know better? Dangle free in my face with an entry form on a website and you have me hooked until the sponsor cries “Bazooka!”
First up, how to make a handle for you coffee mug. Requires great concentration and perfect technique – and no giggling.
In order to make great handles for your clay coffee mugs, upper arm strength and hand strength are important. If you are having trouble tugging on your handle to get it in the proper shape and form, you might try the shake weight.
UPDATE: Sir Charles Loves the Shake Weight. (With BEFORE and AFTER images in video.)
He is warned, if you do the Shake Weight too much, you will go blind.
