Breaking News: Suspicious Lunch Shuts Down Ft. Myers

Who says there isn’t rampant paranoia in the U.S.?

Certainly nobody in the Ft. Myers, Florida downtown.
This is the official Homeland Security recognized “suspicious package” which brought the city center of Ft. Myers, FL to a grinding halt today.

Luckily, downtown Ft. Myers is mostly deserted any time of the day since there is no “there” there. But this didn’t stop the local gendarmes from erecting numerous barricades, alerting the media, and causing general consternation.

The lunch was successfully exploded and the homeless and seagulls are working on clean-up.

Reports indicate that life in Ft. Myers is returning to normal after the suspicious package was first noticed and residents are worrying once again about Obama instituting socialized medicine while they spend their social security money on Canadian medications.

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Comments

Breaking News: Suspicious Lunch Shuts Down Ft. Myers — 1 Comment

  1. Dear god. When will the Apple Bomber cease to terrorize us? I swear, he is wreaking havoc everywhere.

    Oh, and thanks a hell of a lot for making me feel worthless and having to look up “gendarmes” at dictionary.com. I have a great command of the “American” language, and you made me have to go look up a new word. I am completely worthless now. Just thanks. Thanks a lot.

    🙂
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithAn Apology to Family =-.