Monthly Archive for May, 2010

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Track Lighting: What You Do When You Have Mad Skillz

Published on May 26, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments Tags: track lighting.

It’s been a while since St. Todd DeCubbville has taken on a project that doesn’t involve a Big Ass Tee Vee.

But he got motivated and installed some really cool track lighting in their house and now I have the bug.

Nancy and I have old eyes, so we’re always burning the single overhead lights, flipping on the under the cupboard lights, and then grabbing a flashlight to find what the hell we were looking for.

Track lighting is pretty cool because you can adjust and aim those little suckers any direction you need. In the sewing cave, Nancy has a bunch of individual lights focused on whatever surface she’s working on. Sewing machine, check, cutting table, check, yarn stash, check, but she’s always moving a lamp because the light isn’t just quite right.

I think it’s time for St. Todd DeCubbville to make a trek north and install some cool track lighting in our kitchen, the sewing cave, and maybe even in the master suite (love that term – like I am the Master, Har.)

We don’t have a trendy set up like St. Todd DeCubbville. Our dining room is our Paris Bistro. So we won’t be looking at trendy track lighting. But I’m thinking we can go with something artsy-fartsy to enhance the Bistro look.

In the kitchen, I’m thinking these adjustable swivel head track lighting fixtures would do the trick.

Stand by, as soon as Southwest Airlines has a sooper-dooper airfare, I’m hoping I can snag my BATV installer to become my track lighting specialist.

10 Spoilers: They Died.

Published on May 25, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments Tags: spoilers.

Having a lead character die during a successful run of a Tee Vee series, used to be a way for the actor to move on to bigger and better things, but now it’s just another jerk on our emotions in an attempt to create buzz.

Check out these ten characters who died in Tee Vee series during the run:

Mrs. Landingham – West Wing. Why isn’t this in reruns instead of another Law and Order?
Adriana – Sopranos. Wham, Blam-Blam, thank you ma’am.
Nate – Six Feet Under. Can’t argue with the logic of having a Tee Vee show about death have a main character die.
Dr. Mark Greene – ER. Smarmy little fart deserved the fate. (The character, not the actor. I don’t know the actor personally, do you?)
Denny – Izzie’s boyfriend on Grey’s Anatomy. She was way to hot for him anyway. Even in scrubs.
Mr. Hooper – Sesame Street. This was a real blow to my psyche. Sesame Street did a great job of bringing me back from the brink.
Lt. Colonel Henry Blake – M*A*S*H*. Yes, I sat in stunned silence as Radar read the bulletin to a packed O.R. I still do even though I’ve seen the episode a bazillion times.
Somebody on Lost – never got into the program, and seems like there were three years that passed between seasons. I can’t remember what I watched this morning.
Edith Bunker – All in The Family. Now that was sad.
Hoss – Bonanza. He really died, but I can’t remember if it was worked into the series. I bet Nancy does because aside from Law and Order, Bonanza is her favorite background noise.

Speaking of death, when will Dexter be on again?

I Kinda Went Nuts Over the Weekend

Published on May 24, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 7 Comments

I have a new hobby – at least until Sunday.

I am now the proud owner of a kayak. Since I’m in the process of tricking it out with the official sponsors stickers (like NASCAR) I don’t have a picture yet.

Suffice to say the title sponsor is … (sound of clarions here.)

Maker’s Mark
Water or Rocks!

Which will be boldly emblazoned on my kayak in a very prominent place and a bottle of Maker’s Mark will never be far from my reach.

Taking up a river kayaking with no experience may seem nuts enough. But buying a kayak with my friend Rick is like watching Carrie Bradshaw picking out shoes.
Now that is NUTS.

When I posted that comment on his wall, he responded “you mean I’m the Emelda Marcos of kayaks?” I told him “no” because she BOUGHT the friggin’ shoes.

Rick shopped me to death for a kayak on Saturday and Sunday and is still shopping.

My new kayak is in the garage, along with my personal flotation device (PFD), which used to be called a life jacket.

Rick and I decided we would go to the boondocks (very easy to do here) and watch the local canoe and kayak club shove off. (That’s us above on location somewhere in rural Kentucky with the sounds of banjos echoing through the flood debris.)

The first time I introduced myself, I referred to Rick as my “partner.” Quickly remembering the term has a whole new meaning, I blurted out “I mean my friend… the guy I’m with… I mean, we’re not married to each other or anything like that!”

Good Lord.

Nice first impression, Mark. Insult The Gays and put doubt in mind of The Straights.

Everyone was extremely nice and helpful and they all shoved off leaving Rick and I bitten by the bug real bad. We looked at each other and said “why aren’t we with them?” And then we remembered neither of us had a boat.

The quest for the kayaks had begun. After a total of eight hours spread over three stores, two days, and countless websites, I had a kayak, PFD, paddle and signed up for the next tour of Mammoth Cave National Park via river.

Rick had nothing, nada, zilch. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted a canoe or kayak. Sheesh.

I encouraged him, I cajoled him, I prodded him: “At least get a PFD and show me you are committed serious.”

He promised he would own a boat by mid-week. I have it in writing.

Since buying a kayak, I have discovered via Nancy that a bunch of guys have expressed to their wives a desire to take up kayaking. Eventually we will have a gang of geezers floating on the river smoking seegars and drinking bourbon. But as with most geezers they all have excuses for not being able to join me on Saturday.

wife having operation
going to Indy 500
wife is taking me someplace
going to baseball game

Nancy was all for me taking up kayaking. Not sure if the thought of me being gone all day Saturday twice a month is appealing or she has her eye on an Alpaca or two.

Probably both.

The first paddle includes a two mile trek upstream.

Check back with me Monday, I may have a great deal on a kayak, paddle, and PFD.

Unless I can sell it to Rick.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

Published on May 24, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments

For Nancy:

Shit My Dad Says Insults Super Geezers, Full of Lame Humor: A Sure-fire TV Hit

Published on May 21, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments Tags: shit my dad says.

If CBS can come up with better title than $#*! My Dad Says based on the one joke twitter stream of @shitmydadsays, they will have a hit on their hands – at least with the “coveted” 18-34 male demo.

I have some thoughts.

First, the concept: Random comments a 74-year-old dad says to his 29-year-old son still living at home who then posted select comments on Twitter is the basis for this sit-com. William Shattner plays the super-geezer. Yes, a sit-com based on curmudgeonly man making smart-ass comments to family members.

How many OTHER sit-coms can you think of based on this premise? (In no particular order…)

Munsters
The Bob Newhart Show
Bosom Buddies
Make Room for Daddy
Two and a half men
Happy Days
King of Queens
Bill Cosby Show
That 70′s Show
All in the Family
The Bernie Mac Show

And that’s just a few I can think of off the top of my head.

This type of sitcom has been done TO DEATH.

Second, the title: $#*! My Dad Says. Apparently CBS is courting the print Tee Vee critics only. The Tee Vee critics will blab “Dollar Sign, Pound Sign, Asterisk, Exclamation Point, My Dad Says was exceedingly putrid…” or “Bleep My Dad Says was overly ageist…” or “The new CBS TV show that has a dirty word in the title that can’t be uttered on Tee Vee was riotously average…”

Third, the content: @ShitMyDadSays is funny because it’s profane. Profanity doesn’t usually do well in primetime.

“I don’t want your advice, you’re 27 fucking years old…Fine. I don’t want your advice, you’re 29 fucking years old.” 3:18 PM May 11th via ShitMyDadSays.com

“It’s Los Angeles, son. It’s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They’d fuck you twice if they had another dick.” 4:04 PM Apr 20th via ShitMyDadSays.com

“Stop trying so hard. He doesn’t like you. Jesus, don’t kiss an ass if it’s in the process of shitting on you.” 5:03 PM Apr 26th via ShitMyDadSays.com

“You seen my cell phone?…What’s it look like? Like two horses fucking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.” 10:44 AM May 3rd via ShitMyDadSays.com

“YOU, a published writer?..Internet don’t count. Any asshole can throw shit up on there.” (Book On Sale Today!) http://tinyurl.com/yc79h4l 9:11 AM May 4th via web

A group that wants to protect us from making our own choices on what is on the airways owned by the public, is already having a shit-fit.

“We’re talking here not about a Twitter feed, we’re talking about broadcast television that requires a license to use the airwaves,” Winter said. “There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision.”

Hard to argue with that last statement. CBS surely is airing $#*! My Dad Says just to shock and offend.

Sex and violence does really well in prime time. But profanity is getting a foot-hold, and if anyone can sneak in a “shit” or better in a sit-com, it will be William Shattner.

Fourth, Tee Vee writers are just bat-shit crazy to work Twitter into their dialogue so the characters seem current. To be able to write a whole season Tee Vee based on a social network that a huge majority of people don’t care about, or use, is the epitome of Hollywood self-indulgence.

Fifth, $#*! My Dad Says stars William Shattner. William Shattner and Betty White are the heroes of the 18-34 demographic right now. By next fall, who knows? But the internet says they are hot, so they are hot. But the 18-34 demographic is also the demo that is not watching television. They are tweeting!

Sixth, $#*! My Dad Says isn’t funny. It’s predictable. Watch the preview below. Compared the tweets, it is just so lame. (And you know they have pulled the best lines for the promos – they always do.)

Shit Denny Crane Says would be much funnier.