Monthly Archive for May, 2010

Page 7 of 7

Craving Denny Crane

Published on May 3, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 3 Comments Tags: , .


Denny Crane.
There isn’t much in The Handy Law Answer Book that goes much deeper than a season or two of Boston Legal, the television series starring William Shatner as Denny Crane.
I got this free book to review and it made me long for the good old days of Denny Crane.
The Handy Answer Book was written by David L. Hudson, Jr. who wrote or co-wrote 20 books, including such page-turners as The American Bar Association Guide to Credit and Bankruptcy, The Encyclopedia of the First Amendment and the Handy Supreme Court Answer Book.

Whuck?
Who needs those? But since the dude works just down the road at Vanderbilt Law School, the Nashville School of Law, and Middle Tennessee State University. I thought this Handy Law Answer Book was worth cracking open. Especially since most of Nashville is floating down the Cumberland River as we speak.
There probably is a section in the book on what to do if your private property is floating away. Pardon me, if I don’t research it for you.
This is an interesting book to have sitting on the shelf as a reference because it not only covers a short history of the U.S. legal system and some of the people who shaped it, it also covers topics that arise if you are a property owner, dealing with estates, personal injury matters, a dead-beat brother-in-law that owes you money, employment, or if the gummit actually has a warrant for your arrest and you want to study up on the criminal justice system.
If you don’t want to pick your lawyer from the Yellow Pages or television advertising (aren’t those personal injury commercials some of the absolute worst?) then The Handy Law Answer Book has some advice.
It will teach you how to demystify the legal language hodge-podge.
This is a great bathroom reader, even…or especially… if you have the Mad Cow. There are break-out sections almost on every page that deals with some quirk of the law.
Denny Crane: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, “Who’s that?” St. Peter says, “Oh, that’s God. Thinks he’s Denny Crane.”
Denny Crane.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

Published on May 3, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 0 Comments

The Two True Motivations for Weight Loss Revealed.

Published on May 2, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 4 Comments Tags: , , , .


It’s time for Biggest Loser de la Kentucky Chamber of Bow Wows.
Since I’m now a contractor for the gummit, I can now rightfully claim “close enough for government work.”
And hereby invoke this privilege for the first time in my Biggest Loser reveal.

You didn’t ask for this, but you’re going to get it.
The reason de etre of my dieting.
Read as far as you like (if you even made it this far!)

I went on my quest to drop a dwarf because I am cheap.

My goal was to hit 200 pounds. Today I weigh 205. Close enough.

My Body Mass Index dropped from 35 to 26 (still considered over-weight with this warning:  BMI is not appropriate for anyone less than 18 years old, competitive athletes or body builders, pregnant or nursing women, or frail elderly persons.) I’m tellin’ ya, senior citizen’s get all the breaks!


Before – Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

This is six feet three inches of 280 pounds on our anniversary, August 17, 2009. It’s the last picture of me on record until today.

I got to the point where I was tired of spending extra bucks because I had to buy XXL or XXXL shirts! In case you are not aware, guys pay from $2 to $4 per shirt for XXL or XXXL. And that’s only IF one can find them.

I was doing a lot of my shopping at flea markets and Wal-mart – especially for tee shirts to grub around in on the weekend. (They both know their customers very well.) I was going to have to go up a size in pants to 46.

When it came to nicer shirts I could wear to the theater or the Club Du Stroking Balls, I had to hit the big and tall store. Yes, that is store – singular. All my shirts were the “full cut” and the pants all had pleats.

After – Smallburg Hill Zoo

This is six feet three inches of 205 pounds on Derby Day 2010, six months after I started dieting. I am now looking at XL or sometimes even just L shirts. I even bought some “trim” dress shirts. (The clerk made a special point to mention that fact. I slapped her up side the head and said, “hey biyotch, take a look at this bod.”)

My pant size is 36 inches. Hell, even my feet are smaller! I used to buy 12s and I picked up a pair of 11s.

I’m having fun shopping at the local warehouse store that has really stylish stuff at super low prices. (Cheap!)

Everyone has been very complimentary, and that’s fun. Many ask if I can tell the difference. Until a few weeks ago, I would say “no” because it was true.

But now it is different because I’m outside puttering around more. I have a lot more stamina. Now when I finish mowing the front yard, I’ll head to the back and hit that too, and then go on poop patrol. (Note: this may seem backwards, mow then poop patrol, but if it’s splattered somewhere by the mower or flattened by the wheels, it’s as good as scooped to me.)

I do have more energy – not that I’m putting it to good use!

I started Nutrisystem about Labor Day and will quit on Memorial Day.

I started exercising in March – lap swimming which was great for burning calories, but wasn’t doing much to tone up the flab, so I added weight training in April.

I have yet to look like this guy, thank gawd.

Why bother losing the weight if your body still looks like that?

Although I do like his clever way of covering up his moobs and his love handles are barely there. I’m still have a way to go. Again: close enough for government work, but I read that having those six-pack abs are a genetic deal, so I’m blaming Dad.

Don’t kid yourself, the only valid reason for losing a weight is because of your ego. You’ll feel better when you catch a reflection of yourself a store window or a mirror. Health/smealth! It’s nice to have people comment on how you look.

Ego and the cheapness  are the best motivators for weight loss.

I’ve Started Stuttering, I Mean I Don’t Mean To Repeat Myself

Published on May 1, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 5 Comments Tags: .

I have identified a new language phenomenon that is sweeping the nation.

I mean, I’ve noticed that a lot of people – myself included – have started adding superfluous words when they talk. I mean, it’s not really a big deal since, like, most teenagers already have, like, you know, been adding meaningless words to their conversation for a couple of decades, dude, you know.

But, I mean, I’ve heard this superfluous phrase coming from people who would choke on the “like” or “you know” if it entered their conversation.

For example, in discussion String Theory on Nova… PBS fer chrissakes!

NOVA: Have you ever had doubts about string theory?

Greene: All the time! I mean, it is a very strange research career, in a way. So far I’ve spent something like 17 years working on a theory for which there is essentially no direct experimental support. It’s a very precarious way to live and to work.

Warren Buffet:
BUFFETT: I feel better. I mean, I love that investment because we have $5 billion in a preferred paying us 10 percent.

Greta Van Sustern used it nine times in her interview with Maverick:

What is your — meaning the federal government’s — problem? I mean, what don’t you get about it? You tell us, but you don’t do anything!

As usual, it’s the jocks that sprinkle this into their conversations most often, using “I mean” instead of saying Um, they are now saying “I mean…”

I’m not one of those who would choke if I misuse the language, I do it all the time. I mean, I am now aware of this one misuse and it’s starting to irritate the hell out of me. I mean, especially when I use it. I can’t control how others talk. I mean, I can only be aware of how I misuse the language and try to change.

You know, I mean, I’m talking, finish my thought, but don’t want to stop running my mouth, so I say, “I mean…” and say basically the same damn thing again!

Or, (and this happens a lot with pundits) they will make their point and add “I mean” just to work in another sound bite.

I’m not talking about tautologies and pleonasms.

I don’t know what these words (“like”, “you know”, “I mean”) are called as a group. I mean I’m not sure if they have such a descriptive term like tautology or pleonasm. I have consulted Language Boy to see what he has to say.

He may email me, in which case I will update, or he may comment. I mean I’ll be sure to report back to you so that, like, you know, you can work this new definition into your conversation. I will be dropping tautologistic and pleonastic into the conversation at LeClub la Pony later today.

  • Boy, that horse sure can run speedy fast.
  • Take a look-see at the gigantic big hat on that diminutive tiny short dwarf midget jockey.
  • Is this the same sloppy mud they use at the spa?
  • Make my julep an extra large double grande, but hold the ice and the syrup and mint leaves.
  • I had advance warning this thoroughbred race horse would cross the finish line first and win.

Know whut I mean, Vern?

Don’t confuse, “I mean” with “know what I mean?” That’s was a cultural touchstone for us boomers.

I mean, if this group of meaningless words has no etymology what are your suggestion? Know whut I mean?

UPDATE: Here’s what Language-Boy responded:

We used to call those interjections, but now they’re referred to as filler words.