Monthly Archive for July, 2010

Page 3 of 7

The Keys to Making Kayak Memories

Published on July 24, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments Tags: .


Here is the rest of the story.

Rick and I did a Wednesday, 4 o’clock paddle on a little creek very close to our homes. Since it was so close, I had the brilliant idea that we drop the kayaks at the put-in, run my car to the take-out, then dash back to the put-in before somebody stole our yaks. I’m always concerned about losing my car keys while playing in the river, so I threw them on the front seat of Rick’s car saying “they will be safe here.”

Do you need a friggin’ picture?

Drawing inspired by Allie, who is getting to damn good for herownself and I hate because I remember when she only got 30 comments instead of three hundred.

No, Rick does not drive a locomotive engine, he drives a Jeep.

I called Nanc’ and she drove the three miles from our house to pick up Rick to drive the four miles to get his car in which he brought the keys for my car.

And we got yelled at because we took-out on private property.

1. Tree dumps me in water

2. Get yelled at by property owner

3. Realize I didn’t have keys for my car

Making memories!

MagicJack Femtocell May Mean I’ll Renew With Them

Published on July 23, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 0 Comments


Nancy made me get a cell phone.

If I was floating down a river someplace, she was sure I would need one. Actually, I thought it was a good idea also because there is a lot of logistics to coordinating the put-out and put-in, and take-in and take-out, and the ups and downs, and ins-and-outs of kayaking a river.

I snared a Net10.com phone for $20 that includes 400 minutes to be used in 90 days.  So  far I have only really needed it once. And that is another story*

However, if the  MagicJack femtocell actually comes to market this fall, I may have to upgrade my phone. But I would be willing if I could make calls for $200 a year (the probable cost of the MagicJack doo-dad.)

The device will allow users to tie it into compatible cellphones to route calls over the Internet and therefore save callers from using up their cellphone minutes.

There will be MagicJack apps for the iPad, iPhone, Android and Blackberry platforms, with a new softphone service due later this summer.

[via BusinessInsider]

*the rest of the story

A copulating couple caused a commotion by crashing to the concrete where her ____ and his ____ were injured.

Published on July 22, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 4 Comments Tags: .

A couple were making whoopie when they fell out the window…

Were your answers to the fill in the blank:

A. cranium and clavical

B. cervix and carpal

C. Other

Bild explained it this way…

Rescue workers took both lovers to hospital with broken bones and head wounds. Still odder: they ran into the woman’s husband in the hospital because he had fallen from a roof just a few days ago.

Fantasy, fetish, or fooling around…having sex in a window without protection is never encouraged.

Entering the FECAL Phase With Pleasure

Published on July 21, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 3 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .

199 lbs. 16 ounces below my goal weight.

I reached 205 lbs. and plateaued there.  Losing 75 pounds sounded pretty good, losing 80 pounds was an arbitrary goal anyway.

But since summer has come and we start eating more fresh veggies and salads and chicken and good stuff I’ve lost a few more pounds.

So I checked the old BMI to see if I still was overweight according to the experts at Nutrisystem.

Your BMI is 25 (kg/m²) at a weight of 199 lbs. and a height of 6 ft. 3 in.

The BMI is calculated using a formula that compares height and weight (kg/m²). It provides an acceptable measure of fatness and helps identify your risk of developing certain health problems — the higher your BMI — the greater your risk.

A BMI of 25-29.9 is considered overweight and a BMI of 30 or above is considered obese. Note: BMI is not appropriate for anyone less than 18 years old, competitive athletes or body builders, pregnant or nursing women, or frail elderly persons.

Overweight. Friggin’ overweight! Billy Bejeezes Chirps in a Bucket! Overweight.

Looking for any loophole, the only one that seems available is to be a Frail Elderly.

So screw the old BMI, I’m elderly and frail. And I’m telling those chicks and studs that keep offering to load my kayak that too. Hell with it. Yeah, toss that sucker in my car, I’m Frail Elderly.

If I can get the Senior Citizen’s discount at McFries Queen and the AARP discount at Barbados R Us, then I am embracing my new Frail Elderly classification.

I’m getting a T Shirt made.

Frail Elderly.

Baby Boomer no more – I am now FECAL.

Frail Elderly Crazy And Lame.

Because we all know: FECAL Matters.



Hey Cow! Moo!

Published on July 20, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 10 Comments

Whilst toting myownself to the ribber to yak, I found myself wondering as I passed a herd of bovines why I don’t buzz down the window and yell Mooooooooo at the top of my lungs.

Do you Moo at cows when you pass them? Assuming you pass cows, which many of you probably don’t, in which case you may:

  • answer for someone else
  • lie
  • take an answer from your life elsewhere
  • fib
  • make up a really clever retort

Why did this occur to me?

Because I can’t pass a dog – or have a dog pass me – without buzzing down the window and letting out a BaaaaaYoooooooooo, (which is how hound dogs sound to me.)

I love the look the dog gives me. It’s a cross between WTF and total boredom.

But I shall not be refudiated.

Thanks to Brian for the video.