Bulbous sent me this from her phone. Where do children get such mean streaks? And why do they think it’s clever and cute to be so mean?
10-Day Forecast:
Thursday Sunny. 72 / 54F. Precip 0%
Friday Sunny. 78 / 56F. Precip 0%
Saturday Isolated T-Storms. 77 / 60F. Precip 30%
Sunday Mostly Sunny. 69 / 43F. Precip 10%
Monday Sunny. 69 / 46F. Precip 0%
Tuesday Sunny. 73 / 54F. Precip 0%
Wednesday Sunny. 73 / 48F. Precip 0%
Thursday Few Showers. 73 / 46F. Precip 30%
Friday Sunny. 71 / 47F. Precip 0%
Saturday Partly Cloudy. 73 / 42F. Precip 20%
Needless to say, Bulbous and St. Todd DeCubbville are basking. We are not basking in SoKY. We are dripping and/or icing. Although from her getup today, her blood definitely has reached Florida viscosity.
Yeah, she was whining about having to wear a turtleneck and sweatshirt. She forgot to mention, the bottom half of her pants were gone!
Bulbous has a detached building from their house that has been converted into a work-out area. The OFF, which is a play on their last name.
When I mentioned that we could move into the OFF and that I would even add a bathroom, she was suddenly no longer basking, she was luke-warm.
When I suggested they buy the empty lot behind their house and we could pitch a tent, she was chilly. She gots a mean streak. She started it!
When I said they should buy the lot, put in a pool with a really nice pool house and hire me as their pool-geezer and we could live in the pool house, she stopped replying to my email.
Sweet. This could work.
My job daily duties :
Get newspaper in the morning (I would have to challenge Gillespie for this honor.)
Shouldn’t be a problem, does this dog look motivated?
Read newspaper and highlight important events – liquor sales, yard sales, first-run movies, etc.
Start A/C in the OFF and monitor temperature
Alert Bulbous when OFF is ready
Disinfect OFF when Bulbous is done with workout
Play Frisbee with Chase The Dog and Gillespie The Dog
Test water temperature in pool by full body immersion
Adjust pool chemical imbalance caused by peeing in the pool
Scoop the poop of Chase TD and Gil TD
Test water temperature in pool again
Vacuum pool
Prepare and test the Kegerator for St. Todd DeCubbville’s return from work
Yep, this could work out just fine. Now to convince St. Todd Decubbville that his Mother-in-Law is capable of contributing as much as I do to his fine lifestyle.
Larry King discussed his career in radio in a C-SPAN interview on September 3, 1982. I’ve never been a fan. Critics will ask: have you ever watched?
Not more than two minutes. I’ve seen more minutes of people imitating Larry King than I have of Larry King. I like them better.
The lesson Larry King teaches? Luke Russert, Jenna Bush, and Ayla Brown all have a future in broadcasting.
UBS AG thinks the way people dress will help instill confidence in the Swiss bank.
UBS: As if taking a cue from style manuals, which often stress the importance of well-cut basic outfits in neutral colors, the bank expects its retail banking staff to wear suits in dark grey, black or navy blue, since these colors “symbolize competence, formalism and sobriety.”
S&V: So no more wild lilac or psychedelic suits to the office? Not even on casual Fridays? Not even if it’s a trendy European label? I guess not. Let’s hope I remember where I kept my receipts so I can return my suits this weekend.
Sixty Manual of Style: If you wear lots of black and grey and white you can get dressed in the dark and nobody will know the difference. Kill the navy, too close to black. Of course you may look like a Banker Penguin.
UBS: Short skirts are off limits for female staff, who are told the ideal length should reach the middle of the knee. Showy accessories and trendy spectacles are a no-no.
S&V: You hear that ladies? Dressing up like sluts is a big no no, especially at UBS. UBS just in case you were wondering frowns at you dressing like a slut. Best to keep that to the weekends on your own time.
Sixty Manual of Style: Oh hell no. Short skirt = slut? No way Josie. Even a knee length skirt can be risque. Watch out for those underground station grates. In the Sixty Manual of Style the length of the skirt is directly proportional to salary. If you want to get paid more, wear shorter skirts, subject to the height and length requirement of your legs must be as long as the top of your head to your lady bits and weigh no more than a 1/8 your total body weight which is limited to 1.66 pounds per inch of height. Just check your skirt length with me mmmmmkay? Bitter, lonely midgets need not apply.
UBS: “Light makeup consisting of foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick … will enhance your personality,” the code says, while advising women not to wear black nail polish and nail art.
S&V But what if I’m a Goth? What if I like to use mascara to ingratiate my acute individuality? Won’t this cause unnecessary existential grief to be denied my true colors?
Sixty Manual of Style: Goth? You’re fired. Even if you show up in your black underwear. Of course this doesn’t apply to guys – unless they show up in their lingerie. Penguin? Goth? Who can tell the difference?
UBS: The hair-care section notes studies have shown that properly cared-for hair and a stylish haircut “increase an individual’s popularity.”
S&V: I’m guessing wild bushy hair like Bon Jovi for guys is a no no- not even if I am wearing a hair bun. And for the ladies, what if I like to gel my hair into pocket grenades? Is that beyond decorum too?
Sixty Manual of Style: Hair growing on the top of your head must be clean and devoid of anything resembling Brylcreem. Other hair should not be visible: nose, ears, legs, pubes, etc.
UBS: Good quality and easily washable socks for men, but still remain undetectable. Black knee-high socks are preferable as they prevent showing bare skin when crossing legs, it says.
S&V: And knee high black socks too? But I was just getting used to wearing my Mickey Mouse socks to work. I don’t remember any of the clients remarking one way or the other, but I must admit there was this eleven year old boy who kept giving me weird looks.
Sixty Manual of Style: See Penguin reference above. Men: Buy only black socks. Or no socks. Trust me. And don’t cross your legs, ever. Even Cary Grant looked gay when he crossed his legs. Oh wait, he was gay wasn’t he.
UBS and S&V dealt with other issues on fashion for the Swiss Bankers and Bankeress.
…like fragrance…
Sixty Manual of Style: Don’t smell bad. Don’t be Armenian or French.
…and accessorizing…
Sixty Manual of Style: Keep the rings smaller than your wrist watch. Keep your wrist watch smaller than you necklace. Keep your necklace smaller than your tiara.
UBS: Male employees are also warned about using hair dyes to mask their advancing age, since the “artificial color contrasts excessively with the actual age of your skin.”
S&V:Does this extend to hair wigs as well? What if I’m going bald- will clients be offended if they notice my faux hair plugs? Should I just shave my head bald now?
Sixty Manual of Style: Combovers should start no lower the the ear lobe and not extend past the ear lobe on the opposite site of the head. This applies to both male and female of the breed.
Kentucky, North Dakota, Idaho, Mississippi and Iowa are the five best states in the country to be an animal abuser, according to a new report released today by the Animal Legal Defense Fund (ALDF).
After checking through 4,000 pages of statutes, tracking fourteen broad categories of provisions, the report recognizes the states where animal law has real teeth, and calls out those likeKentucky–the single worst in the nation for animal protection laws for the fourth year running--where animal abusers get off easy.
Why is Kentucky the worst?
severely restricted or no felony animal cruelty provisions
inadequate animal fighting provisions
lack of restrictions on the future ownership of animals for those convicted of cruelty to animals
Stephan Otto, the Animal Legal Defense Fund’s director of legislative affairs and author of the report says this:
Animals do not vote—but those who love them do. We encourage lawmakers throughout the country to take heed and commit to working to improve these critical laws.
But in rural counties, there are more animal abusers – dog and cock fighters, and puppy mills owners who vote – and contribute money to the pols, than those who think animals need our protection. In case you haven’t looked, Kentucky is a rural state. Those lawmakers from the rural counties aren’t going to touch any law that smells of animal protection, any more than they would touch a law that touches gun control or restricts property rights.
Losers.
I’m ashamed of Kentucky.
But proud that we live in a community that supports a no-kill animal shelter.
And while I’m on my soap-box, go here and vote for this couple in Costa Rica trying to save animals. There is only one shelter in Costa Rica in the running, Lighthouse. They are just a couple of plain folks trying to make a difference by pinching pennies and searching for free money from companies who want to do good. As Frances explained: every one of these shelters deserves the money, but many get support from other grants and agencies. This contest is the only free money Lighthouse Animal Shelter has a shot at. They are in second place by a hair… your votes (contest ends Saturday) could keep them in the money. BTW: if you have more than one computer with more than one browser, vote them ALL!
Time Person of the Year, Mark Zuckerberg, is the CEO of Facebook.
Facebook has the reputation of invading our privacy and launching worms and trojans and viri (viruses?)
Nothing ever good came out of Tonga, except for those toy trucks, and those were Tonka which caused the war in Vietnam which was the Tonkin Gulf Resolution, which of course is no way you want to play the game, just tonkin’ the golf ball.
Since I was on night watch over the mean streets of Facebook, I forwarded the email to the industry standard email address to report abuse.
abuse@facebook.com
You’re welcome Mark.
But wait, what’s this? The email didn’t bounce like it was a bad address, it bounced because Facebook doesn’t care about abuse.
I got this breezy email back from the abuse watchers at Facebook:
Hi,
Unfortunately, the email address you are using to reach us is no longer available. In order to best assist you, we have provided avenues of support for specific issues that are located in our Help Center. Please follow the link that best suits your problem.
(blah blah blah redacted…)
Yes, the email address abuse@facebook, was valid, it’s just that a live person doesn’t bother to look at anything that pops up there – even reports of abuse. Instead the auto-reply gave me these choices of links to click:
Warned or Disabled Accounts
Hacked or “Phished” Accounts
Reporting Abusive Content and Blocking People
Technical Issues
Most had the admonishment to “use the proper reporting.” Hey Zucker! When an email hit’s Facebook and it has the word “abuse” in the address, you can’t have one of your engineers write some code to forward it to “Reporting Abusive Content?” so a person will deal with it?
To add insult to insult, I get a follow up email chastising me for not know that @facebook.com has been changed to @fb.com.
Dear Sender:
Facebook has changed its corporate email address domain from @facebook.com to @fb.com.
Your message has been delivered to the intended recipient, but please update your contact details with <address>@fb.com for future correspondence. You will not receive this message again if you utilize <address>@fb.com. We will not be forwarding any email sent to @facebook.com corporate email addresses past January 5th, 2011.
I guess when you are busy invading Facebook privacy, having to type “facebook” rather than “fb” would be kind of a hassle. Those guys driving Tonkas in Tonga certainly appreciate the pixel savings, let along the wear and tear on keyboards by not having to type those six extra characters.
I’m done. I resign my volunteer duties as the Facebook Police. It’s bad enough you consider be annoying, but to summarily discharge and prematurely ejaculate with a poo-poo brush off, is even more than I can stand.
Mark Zuckerberg, Time Person of the Year, I got your award right here.
