Smallburg Declares Corvette-Free Zone

I live in the only town in the entire universe where Corvettes are assembled.

Smallburg has agreed that a Corvette-free zone shall be established in front of my house when I am mowing the yard.

Classic Corvette Convertible

So Mr. Geezer with your bald spot cruising down the street with your dome exposed, you are now in violation of the Smallburg Sixty Spring Sacrament #60.60(a1.69.)

You butt-hole. How dare you drive by enjoying the nice spring weather when:

  1. I am mowing the friggin’ grass.
  2. I don’t own a Corvette.

I hope your bald spot peels from the sun and you get a large basil celery “car”cinoma.

I am pleased pissed to announce that my lawn mower started on the first try. I had run it out of gas during the last mowing.  Therefore the gas did not turn to maple syrup. So I mowed the first mow of the season. Gaddamn. I hate mowing the grass/dead leaves/twigs.

Gaddamn. Nothing I hate worse than people out enjoying themselves while I am pacing mindlessly behind the lawnmower.

Therefore, I have expanded the aforementioned city ordinance. Also banned from my street when I am mowing the griggin’ frass:

  • Power walkers
  • Dog walkers
  • Bicyclists
  • Ice Cream wagons
  • Lawn mowing service trucks
  • Vehicles with kayaks
  • Families

The consequences are severe. I have dog turds. I will use them.

However, young women between the ages of 25-35 with appropriate BMI, jogging in  shorts and bra-tops  are always welcome, nay, encouraged.

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Comments

Smallburg Declares Corvette-Free Zone — 4 Comments

  1. I’ve always thought that middle-aged men who drove Corvettes were trying to compensate for inadequacies in other areas. Give me a guy with a power mower any day. 😉