Monthly Archive for April, 2011

Page 6 of 7

You Know What’s Really Fun? Radio Controlled Toys

Published on April 6, 2011 in Baby Boomer. 0 Comments Tags: RC Toys, Xenon Project.

I was looking for the power cord for the Walkman Video player and found the download cord for the Hi8 Video Camera – the kind that uses the mini tapes. Classic.

So I popped in a tape and watched 27 minutes of me playing with my radio controlled car. I duct-taped the VERY EXPENSIVE ideo camera to the top of the car to get the point of view (POV) shots that are so dramatic.

Man was that fun.

I forgot how much fun radio controlled toys can be. The car was destroyed a long time ago by an over-zealous attempt on my part to jump a long row of dog turds. You were probably not aware that at ground level close up, dog turds look just like giant boulders, were you?

My radio controlled boat was sunk in a dramatic collision with another boat.

Fact. Ayup.

I’m telling you, if there is a man in your life who has fathered a child that is yours and you need a great Father’s Day gift, a radio controlled toy will make him squeal like a Bieberette.

The forward and backward movement of simple remote toy cars is a relic compared to the innovative RC toys being introduced by the RC industry.

It is now common to see people flying their gyro RC helicopters both indoors and outdoors, sailing their scale model versions of RC boats and running RC cars that look just like their real-life counterparts (scaled down of course) at blinding speeds.

The options for hobbyists and RC enthusiasts come aplenty at XenonProject.com. This toy and hobby company offers nothing but some of the best products in remote control toy goodness. For Father’s Day make it an RC toy from Xenon Project!

Medtronic Makes Power Pooping on Command Possible Raising Your Fecal Quality of Life Index

Published on April 6, 2011 in Baby Boomer. 2 Comments Tags: interstim, power pooping.

Screw up your diet and exercise program or take too many prescription drugs, and eventually you will have your entire waste disposal system as clogged the lobby to get away from Charlie Sheen’s live performances.

Medtronics has recognized fecal incontinence can lead to a crappy death, so they invented the On Command Power Pooper.

Except they call it the InterStim.

Here’s the deal, your local doctor or other qualified professional, implants this gizmo next to your sacral nerve. When you need to take a dump, you give it the command using the remote control.

Your poop chute is suitably irritated and out comes last nights bean taco.

There were clinal trials and the results were published in the March 2010 issue of the Annals of Surgery.

hee, they said Annals.

Did you know there is a Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life Index?

If you did, you are just odd. Very odd.

…complete continence (no incontinent episodes) was achieved in more than 40 percent of the patients. In addition, patients in the study showed significant improvement in quality of life as measured by the Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life (FIQOL) Index.

Of course there are side effects:

pain in the ass
tingling
pricking
numbness
infection

I wanna be a fly on the wall when the insurance dope gets a claim for a Power Pooper. Insert all poo jokes in the comments.

66% of My Weapons Were Found During Security Sweep

Published on April 5, 2011 in Baby Boomer. 4 Comments Tags: TSA Security fail.

Being a coffee baron and traveling with a suitcase loaded with cash, I thought it might be necessary to cut my way free from the bondage of my kidnappers.

I had three knives in my airplane carry-on bags.

I went through Nashvegas TSA security about 4:30 a.m. I was the only traveler in the area. Really, only me. There were 22 TSA agents. I know – I counted.

Lucky for me they just sniffed my body as my security scan. I passed. My carry-ons passed. With three knives.

Two were the multi-blade variety. Like this

One was those teeny-tiny throwaway/giveaway knives that Le Club Du Golfe awarded to the golfers who wanted to slit their wrists after a tournament. I’m pretty sure that would be the only use for such a knife.

I didn’t intend to travel with weapons. Last time I unpacked my checked bag luggage, I just grabbed all my traveling essentials: knives, rain ponchos, eyeglass cleaner, earphones, flask, mask, Erasmus Rask letter, and various other Sky Mall gadgets and threw them in one of the carry-on bags.

I had to connect in Miami for my international jaunt, so that meant another TSA security screening.

Clear!

My knives traveled with me at my fingertips.

They were eventually confiscated. Not by the TSA geniuses in the U.S. who probably make $40,000 a year with a handsome medical plan and lovely pension.

No-ho, my friends. The man at Santa Maria Aeropuerto, who may may $4,000 a year, did his job at a 60% efficiency rating. Which compared to the TSA score of 0% is at least a passing grade.

He saw the first knife on the first scan, did a search to root it out. It was the wrist-slitter. It was in the bag with

CPAP, hose, mask, electrical cord,
portable video player with electrical cord,
3 packages of Chicky brand cookies (Costa Rica’s cheapest)
four Kolbi brand snack bars,
four DVD cases,
boarding pass stubs,
receipts for tolls, parking, overpriced airport food,
assorted small denomination coins of the realm,
packages of gum

Get the picture? I carry the exact same equivalent contents of a woman’s purse when I travel. Even the tampons and Midol.

The Real Security Guard was not deterred by my clutter. He rummaged and poked and squeezed every inch of that bag because he knew there was a bigger knife.

He was right. Kinda. Actually there were two bigger knives. Luckily he found the cheaper of the two and quit looking leaving me with my “good” knife.

By the way, one of the videos I watched was Good Night and Good Luck.

Good Knife and Good Luck.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

Published on April 4, 2011 in Baby Boomer. 1 Comment Tags: Geeky Animated Gif Monday.

Partnering With Castro On a Costa Rica Coffee Finca

Published on April 3, 2011 in Baby Boomer. 0 Comments Tags: Castro, Coffee, Costa Rica.

Nancy loves her 1820 Coffee so much we decided to take a fling and buy a Costa Rica coffee finca (farm.)

She picked out the place the last time she visited. This is now the home office of Sedolsoder brand coffee.

Here’s the close up of our budding (beaning?) coffee crop.

In order to have an exclusive java-connection, I had to make a quick trip and make a deal with Castro as my partner in the Colosal Costa Rica Coffee Coup.

Seems the best way to own a finca in Costa Rica is to set up a corporation. Original plans were to do an S.A. corporation. This meant setting up a board of directors and installing officers. Since Nancy and I would never be able to agree on who is President, our attorney mediated a satisfactory alternative.

He suggested I have a coup – with Castro as my close advisor. I am now the primary stockholder of Sedolsoder, LTDA, with Castro as my minority partner.

Cynthia Castro.

Pablo is the legal genius behind offering Cynthia a partner position. That will teach Nancy to let me go out of the country by myself with a suitcase full of money!

Ask for Sedolsoder brand coffee where-ever fine coffee is sold.

SedonaOliverSofiDerby

“Put a Coup in Your Cup – Brew Sedolsoder!” or “Sedolsoder, Good to the Last Bullet”

I need a marketing guy.

Nancy will stage her own coup as soon as she gets in country and Ms. Castro will be history! We will then be equal partners. This oughta be fun. Please stay tuned.

Now about that handsome latin lawyer, Pablo, she picked out…