Monthly Archive for June, 2011

Page 4 of 7

Crime and Punishment One Liners. Here You Try.

Bob issued this challenge he calls Crime and Punishment…

Your challenge is to come up with an activity, which may or may not be a crime and then determine what the punishment would be.

Here’s mine:

  • A warden-voyeur would be penalized. (its a stretch on penal…)
  • Bad toupe salesman would be called on the carpet.
  • Sheep marinade-makers would be lambasted.
  • Bad record-keepers will be defiled.
  • Clumsy ballet dancers will be disgraced.
  • Small minded thinkers will be belittled.

The contest runs until June 15, that gives you plenty of time to do better than me. And the brazilian other entries Bob will get.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday

Man Survives Snark Attack – Paper Towels Still Unreplaced

A Bethlehem, PA man recently withstood a vicious snark attack and survived with his integrity and decisiveness intact.

David Frederick, a singularly handsome and intelligent man of well known and widely respected integrity was faced with a decision all married men face eventually. His remarkable strength under intense pressure should serve as an inspiration to men across the globe.
A local man today avoided certain death by not over-exerting himself changing out a roll of paper towels.

The man, David Frederick, when asked by his wife whether it would actually kill him to swap them out, responded

“Yes. Yes, it would kill me.”

 

Though he got close to changing it – the roll made it within inches of the holder – he insisted it would have been much too difficult to lift the old roll and put on a new one.

Despite intense pressure citing junk science from The Junk Drawer, Frederick summarized and articulated his sound argument in a few well chosen words.

I just didn’t feel it.

David Frederick is a well-read and energetic raconteur. His knowledge of a broad range of interesting subjects is legendary around lovely Bethlem. His stout resistance to such outrageous and incendiary snark is inspirational.

“I mean, he went to the trouble to get a new one and put it down next to the holder. The empty roll weighs, what, two ounces? I just don’t understand it,”

his wife Kathy spewed on her blog today.

Mr. Frederick, has her strongly sensual love muffin for twenty years, despite her proclivity to quote from an unknown researcher to support her thinly veiled  disregard for his obvious sense of well-documented self-preservation.

The research was purported to conclude:

“Once a habit of neglect has been formed, it’s very hard to change, particularly for husbands. They have a hard time with toilet paper rolls, too,” he said. “It’s just asking too much.”

The erudite Frederick provided this comment that will be the basis for further study by thinking-men for decades:

I hear some people see their when they have those near death experiences. Some say they are in a tunnel and see a light at the end of the tunnel. Sad but I did not have these visions. I did hear a voice that sounded like my wife but it was hard to detect over the Stanley Cup Final.

Be brave Mr. Frederick and know that we are out here supporting you and understanding the challenges of living with a blogger/anal retentive/exercise crazed person while trying to watch the NBA Finals.

Small Business Clowns Don’t Get Health Insurance So We’re Asked to Bail ‘em Out

When small business clowns don’t get health insurance and get sick, the community is asked to bail them out. It is happening all over the U.S.

A great example is Broadway the Clown of Bowling Green, Kentucky.

Broadway The Clown is a fixture at Bowling Green fund-raising activities. He often gets paid, sometimes he doesn’t. Broadway is actually Nick Wilkins, the owner of Balloon-a-Gram. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Instead of buying health insurance because it is too expensive, he is taking a hand-out from do-gooders. Many of these same do-gooders are very vocal against providing affordable to health care to those with pre-existing conditions. They are against Obamacare.

While Wilkins gets back in the swing of things, he has many medical bills he’s trying to pay. Having had neck and back surgery in the past, Wilkins was denied insurance, and when he found an insurance company that would accept him, the price was too high for him to afford.

So instead of demanding that Mitch McConnell and the Republicans support Obamacare, the local do-gooders are playing golf.

Wilkins is the beneficiary of the sixth annual Day for Danny Golf Benefit, which will be Monday at Indian Hills Country Club.

“Broadway the Clown is always a vital part of any event we have in this community,” said Bobby Hilliard, one of the organizers of the event. “He’s a staple here. We thought it would be great to sponsor him.”

I don’t know Broadway the Clown. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. When he was healthy, he made the decision not to buy health insurance.  He said he couldn’t afford it. But I know a lot of other small business people that can’t afford health insurance. Hell, I know a lot of bigger business people that can’t afford health insurance.

I’m tired of the local newspaper making it front page news when somebody who is uninsured or underinsured needs a community benefit to pay their medical bills. What about the thousands of other people who don’t have the community connections or appealing sob story? What about the schlubs who are working three jobs just trying to survive? What happens to those medical bills? Who pays them?

You know who! Clowns like me through higher insurance premiums and higher taxes.

I don’t mind paying higher taxes – if everyone else does too. I’m ready  to make sacrifices. I’m ready to pay insurance premiums – if everyone else does too.

The only answer is to force everyone to have insurance. Force those healthy people to buy insurance to pay for those unhealthy people’s care.

Everyone. Even small business clowns.

Things Not To Ask Someone Moving To Costa Rica

These are for real questions or comments made to us – to our face – when people learned we are moving to Costa Rica. Who knows what they are saying behind our backs!

 

     

  • Do you WANT to move to Costa Rica?

  • Why would you want to live on an island?

  • Don’t they speak a different language?

  • At least it’s still part of the United States.

  • Can you drive to Costa Rica?

  • Are you scared?

  • Do you feel safe there?

  • Is (Mark/Nancy) going too?

  • Will you take the dogs?