With three dogs, two of which can open the screen doors with their noses, the screen doors are always open. Usually wide open.
Therefore we have flying critters inside the house constantly. Including:
- pesty bugs
The ones I can catch, butterflies and dragonflies, get caught and released. Birds are shown the way out via a broom. But pesty bugs get the swat.
Now, I know that picture looks like I am skilled enough to swat them right out of thin air.
That pesky pesty was actually trapped against the screen in the window.
Tip to becoming a kick-ass Fly Killer.
Don’t swat at them when they are on the screens. You will eventually knock the screen out of the opening – door or window.
So I just like to rub them out. Yup. I rub one out regularly.
Flies. Talking about flies here.
Rather than kill them with a mighty blow. I just put the fly swatter over them and rub them against the screen.
Works every time.
But it begs the question: if the doors are open all the time, why do we have screens?
If we removed the screens would the pesty bugs fly in the door and out the window?
But if I removed the screens what would I rub out?
Flies. We’re talking flies here.
Heres some old fun posts
- It’s a Dick Van Dyke Life. Actually, More Like Rob and Dick Van Dyke was one of my favorite pratfall comedians. For some reason, he has fallen out of favor with the re-run gods and his show isn't on any of the tv channels we get. No matter, I am Dick Van Dyke reincarnated if he was dead. Not the REAL Dick Van Dyke, his character Rob. Not the suave, handsome, skinny, well-dressed Rob. The klutzy Rob who is victim of his own good intentions or Laura's missteps. Except my Rob moments often have potential for serious injury. And my Laura doesn't shake her hands and say Ooooh Rooooob! when I'm in serious danger. My Laura laughs at me. Back to the beginning: Nancy goes on "streaks." She will put up with a minor inconvenience for years - literally years - and then decide she has to take matters into her own hands and take drastic steps NOW. We love sunlight - all summer long - through as much glass as we have in the house - including the glass storm doors. We run the air conditioning all summer long with the front doors open with only the glass storm doors between 110 degrees and 75 degrees. Now that it's fall the flies have decided they would rather live in our house rather than just near it. With four dogs somebody is always coming and going. Coming or going. No, going and going. We have a garage attached to the house with a "enclosed breezeway" by a couple doors. Nancy uses the garage and is always carting stuff from her car inside. So the doors never get closed. A few flies get in the house from time to time. Just a few, it's not like a dairy barn or garbage skow around here. Really, just a few. And Derby The Disturber is really good at nailing them against the window and eating them. Since we have mini-blinds at the windows he can reach, they sometimes get crashed in Derby's pursuit of flyfood. Nancy decided she was going to NOT have ANY flies in the house. She bought those flystrips that cow farmers hang in dairy barns. Yeah, the real sticky, gooey, ones where the flies have to run into the damn thing for it to work. She hung in on the back of one of the doors from the garage. Of course I got one in my hair! You think I'm telling you all this for no reason? Well I. AM. PISSED. I leave it in my hair and storm into the bathroom (hardly able to maintain a suitable irritation factor.) I demand she remove the strip and wash my hair. I didn't make eye contact with her or look in the mirror because I knew I would bust out laughing. No. I. AM. PISSED. She pulls it out of my hair. She pulls out hair with it. I demand she wash my hair - wash my hair woman! I know she is just biting right through her lip to keep from laughing out loud. So I dump shampoo in my hair - and this stuff isn't touched by soap. So I demand she get "something" to get it out. Vegetable oil! I heard that is good for sticky stuff. "No wait, get the Goo Be Gone." She dumps it on my head, I suds up and it gets in my eyes. "Dad, Denise pushed us out of the bathroom, so the soap's in Rudy's eyes and she wouldn't let me rinse out the shampoo like Mom said and now Rudy might be blinded for life! If she is, can we get a dog?" - Vanessa (also a bit from the classic Cosby sit-down routine that made him famous) I mean, it is stinging like I've never had before. It hurt. Really hurt. 100 time worse than when I put Ear Wax Remover drops in my eye. So I start flooding my eyes with water and as they get better, I realize my whole scalp is burning like hell. After a couple more shampoos I am all better. I looked at the fly strip just removed from my head... not one damn fly died for my suffering. But like Rob and Laura, we kissed and it was all better. Nancy jumps in the car and is gone to a Arts Fair for the day. Fade to black.
- How’s the View from Your Toilet? This is the reason we need professional builder help when it comes to room design. This is the view from our master bedroom toilet. It's a very small bathroom, 4 1/2 feet x 8 feet. It will have a sink, toilet and shower. It almost didn't exist. 1. We needed a professional to tell us that to build a master bedroom without a bath would be a mistake. We're not sorry we listened. We are sorry we didn't give up a foot or two more of bedroom space for a larger bath. The bedroom is huge! 450 square feet. (The rest of the house is 700 square feet.) Today, Sebastien, our builder came over to check the progress and give us a timetable for picking out tile, interior paint, bath fixtures, light fixtures, etc. 2. When builders are ready, they are ready. He is going with us tomorrow to shop buy tiles, bath fixtures and light fixtures because he is ready to install stuff. In discussing our bathroom fixtures, a light went off in Sebastien's head about the window. It is on the wrong wall. If completed, the shower head would have been beside the window and there was no way to affix a shower curtain. We reached a compromise and the window will be moved - at no cost to us. 3. Builders make mistakes. When we got the plans, we should have taken a few days to really look them over and question every detail. We have never done a major remodeling job, although at work I was involved in major construction and can point out some of the dumb things the architects drew up that got built. (ie: an electrical junction box that is 4 inches off the wall...) 4. Experience pays. Our brilliant idea for utilizing the tiny bathroom floor space was to have a door that opened out have no door We decided that we would go for the latter. No door. As we stood in the doorway looking in, it seemed to make perfect sense. But Sebastien put himself in a squatting position about where the toilet would be and said "one of the things to consider is the sight line." See above picture. That gigantic opening will be sliding glass/screen doors. There is a sidewalk that runs the perimeter of the house. Whatta view - no matter if you're in, looking out, or out, looking in. How's the view from your toilet? We are not installing a door. We didn't come here not to see the view.
- Bugs Big Enough to Go “Thud?” Above our bed are some Jealousy windows. (Seinfeld would say "What's up with jealousy windows? Do they have a self esteem problem? are they envious of the Bay windows? yada yada yada) The windows are always open to catch the evening breeze which the overhead fan pushes down on our hot heaving bodies. (Sofi included.) To refresh you on my medical afflictions, I have sleep apnea and use a CPAP (google it or look in the "related" links below) to help me sleep. Therefore, when I was awakened by the fluttering of wings, I knew it had to be a significant event. Normally, if there is a bug in the room and I can hear it, we're cool. As long as they stay put and don't dive bomb me or buzz around my head, I'm fine. But this sound was different. It sounded like a hummingbird! So I disengaged from the CPAP and grabbed the nearby flashlight to search for the disturber-of-my-slumber. I found the giant moth flapping it's wings attempting to escape through the screen. Rather than try to kill it, I just closed a few sections of the windows and generously sprayed it with bug killer. I reengaged and attempted sleep. But all I accomplished was pissing off the giant moth who began to flutter furiously. (I could tell by the expression on its face that it was furious.) Knowing that eventually it would fall on my head and I would jerk upright and the CPAP would go flying, I disengaged. Silence. I searched up and down the windows. Nothing. I layed back in bed and told Nancy I thought the bug killer had worked. Shouldn't it go THUD? she responded. Thud? A moth big enough to go thud? While I reassured myself that this moth was not big enough to go thud...the fluttering began again so I could tell the moth was NEARBY. Yuck. I looked behind the bed and there it was in a death flutter. I took the nearby baseball bat and reached town to pull it out so I could get a good swing at it. Death Comes to The Moth. (Name for my rock band.) I picked it up for Nancy to admire and she said: You sure that's not a hummingbird? ...and SCENE... of another episode of living in Costa Rica comes to a quiet close.
- Diagnosis: Fat Head or Gad Fly Caution: High Yuck Factor looms ahead. I got something going on in the back of my head. But it's not useful. It actually has the potential to be pretty gross. I have a lump on the back of my neck right about at the collar line - if I wore shirts with collars, which I don't because I gave them up when I stopped wearing ties and shoes and socks. The lump is about the size of a quarter and getting bigger. I ignored it thinking it was an ingrown hair or zit or clogged sweat hole. It didn't hurt to touch it and it didn't get red or gross, but I asked Doctora Candy to take a look. She said it was fat. No big deal, but it should be removed sometime. That was last Tuesday. By Thursday things had changed. I could feel that it was starting to change. I asked Nancy to take a look (for the first time) and she was pretty freaked out. She said it had festered... (Remember Festus?) She couldn't wait to get her hands on it and start squeezing. I let her and it was productive. Yuck, right? Yeah. Since it was Easter weekend and everything here closed up Thursday thru Monday, she was my nurse. It didn't hurt, but it was leaky. It was off to Doctora Candy this morning to see what she thought. She thought it could be a Bot Fly. (Warning: don't Google Image Search it.) They are quite common aka warble flies, heel flies, gadflies , but they have this nasty habit of picking a mammal, borrowing under the skin and laying eggs. Yuck, right? Yeah. Doctora Candy said that in Costa Rica this happens all the time and it's no big deal. They even have a self-treatment use the tree sap of the matatorsalo, found in Costa Rica, which is reputed to kill the larva, yet leave its body in the skin. No thanks. I flopped down on her exam table and she proceeded to squeeze me. Nancy was watching and when a bunch of crud came out, Dra. Candy said it was fat. "You could cook with it," she told Nancy. Double Yuck, right? Hell yeah. Dra. Candy asked her hulk of a husband to come in and squeeze. She still had not determined if I was suffering from fat in the head or a bot fly hatchery. Sometimes fat can get infected, she said. After pinching for a few minutes, she decided that I was no longer productive (Hello? I'm retired!) and told me to go away until Wednesday. She gave me an anti-inflammatory and some antibiotics. If it's infected fat the antibiotic will help. If' I have bugs on the brain, it won't and I'll have to go to the bug-sucking specialist to have it removed. If I have fat on the brain, I will have to go to the fat head specialist and have it removed. I may go looking for a matatorsalo tree. I've got a lot of screws and plates and metal in my body now, what's a dead bug body gonna hurt?
- Toucans and Bird Shit in the House: Which Birds Must Die? This morning we had our second visit by Toucans. The "guys" were here to hook up our new electric meter and when I came out to greet them they were looking and pointing up the hill to our neighbors banana tree. Five Toucans were feasting on the bananas. It was a thrill to see them again. And it was fun that the guys were excited to see them too. The last time the Ticos here were excited was when a big green iguana was sunning himself on a wood pile. OK, the Toucans weren't in the house... but there was bird shit. We have a gimpy bird hanging out in our Rancho. He has a bum leg, but has taken a real liking to Sedona's dog food. We feed her dry kibbles, not the soft stuff. And she's a big dog so the kibbles are big too. The bird is about the size of a Robin, but has no problemo gobbling down the kibble. If I forget to put the dog food inside when we leave, we will come home to kibbles all over the rancho. Today was a first. I forgot to close the sliding screen and apparently the little sucker has gotten brazen enough to come INTO the house to feast. There was pretty green bird shit, highlighted with festive little green seeds, on the floor inside the door. But, hey, I've cleaned up worse... so no birds will die.