Archive for the 'Baby Boomer' Category

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Costa Rica Is Hard On My Feet

big feet

Before you get all snarky, this is the “after” shot! You should have seen my Costa Rica feet before I used a pedicure exfoliator aka scrubby thing on them.

I love going barefoot. Always have. You can count on one foot the number of times I have worn real shoes since we moved. If I’m not barefoot, I wear flip-flops. If I don’t have on flip-flops I wear sandals. If I don’t wear sandals, I have on pull-on shoes.

My feet have taken a real beating. I got callouses on my  callouses. And since much of my wandering around barefoot is outside, the callouses had been impregnated with dirt. (Note: in the above picture, my feet are tan – that’s my story and I’m sticking too it.)

Callouses on my heels were kinda uncomfortable. I was whining to Nanc’ about it and she said I need to use the scrubby thing on them.

Duh.

I sure wish we would have had a seat built into the wall of the shower. It would have been so easy! But we don’t, and sitting on the floor of the shower puts me too close to where the creepy crawly things like to hang out.

I needed to clean the pool, so as I did that, I dragged my calloused heels across the non-skid pool floor. That softened things up.

Then I  grabbed the scrubby thing and a bucket (pail?) of water and headed to the swinging bed outside our non-swinging bedroom. After ten minutes of scrubbing, my feet actually looked like they used to in Kentucky… not pretty, but not real nasty either.

Yes, it was a victory for de feet. (Oh hells bells, like you wouldn’t do the same exact pun if you were writing this, so just pipe it.)

Limericks I often compose.

With noxious smells in my nose;

But this one was easy.

I only felt queasy.

Because I was sniffing my toes.

~ Via

 

 

Pinterest Made My Erectile Dysfunction Worse

Droopy on off switch erectile dysfunction

A person asked me recently if I was “handy.”

I about spit out my oatmeal.

I said I was not.

I bet you are analytical, she said.

How could I not agree? Ole analytical me.

I never was considered handy

Could barely unwrap candy.

If it was a task considered critical,

I would stand back and be analytical,

And question the modus operandi.

 

Handy has never been one of my strong points. Just yesterday, I put together some cheapo shelves which required screwing one leg into another with a shelf in between. It wasn’t until I got the last legs assembled that I realized I had three legs upside down. (The top shelf had caps to cover the legs that could only be installed one way.)

I can’t erect anything without messing it up and starting over.

Imagine my thrill of having Nanc’ spend hours and hours and hours looking at all the cool things on Pinterest. I updated my Facebook status with: teach a person to fish and she will be busy for hours, show her the internet and she won’t bother you for weeks.

Nancy replied: “Or show her Pinterest.”

I’m not kidding, she will spend HOURS scrolling through tons of very cool things. If I haven’t heard from her in a while and suddenly I hear

“Come look at this…”

I know it is a project that she wants me to attempt. The stuff is always very cool and on the surface looks like a Do-It-Yourself deal, but it really makes the erectile dysfunction set in when the directions start with:

Pinterest.

Pinterest is a virtual pinboard. Pinterest allows you to organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. You can browse pinboards created by other people to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests.

People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and share their favorite recipes.

It also is the emasculator of unhandy men around the world.

You’re welcome for that image…

I have to log off now, Nancy needs to get back to Pinterest.

Geeky Animated Gif Monday – Blowing in the Wind

Game Shows That Would Be Infinitely Better if Host Was Drunk. And Some That I Think ARE Drunk.

Now that Pat Sajak has announced that he and Vanna White used to toss back some Margaritas while taping Wheel of Fortune, here are some game shows that I thin would be infinitely better if the host was drunk.

Sajak said they would drink:

“Two or three or six”

during a two-and-a-half hour break they had on days when they were shooting. In interview with ESPN 2′s “Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable,” Sajak said he and White would

“then come and do the last shows and have trouble recognizing the alphabet.”

This was back in the day when fake money was won and then time was wasted “buying” prizes at grossly inflated retail prices.

So here’s my list of game shows that would be greatly enhanced if the host was drunk:

  • Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader: Jeff Foxworthy drunk dealing with some smarty-pants 5th graders and a slew of really dumb contestants. Winner!
  • Jeopardy: “I’ll take white wine for $200 Alex.”  Alex: Yeah, I had a bottle of Two Buck Chuck for lunch, loser.”
  • Minute to Win It: Guy Fieri drunk would just be enchanting…

 ”Anytime any woman mentioned ‘cream,’ Guy went into a sexual riff. When cutting the show, you had to tell the editors to watch Guy’s eye line, because it’s always on breasts.”

  • The Price is Right. Drew Carey falling into the Showcase Showdown wheel would be a show stopper. Bob Barker doing the same thing would be unbelievable.

Here are some game shows where I’m pretty sure the host is following the Pat Sajak and Vanna White school of gaming and performing drunk:

  • Sábado Gigante
  • Family Feud: Steve Harvey could be drunk, who can tell? I’m saying “yes.”
  • WOW: The CatholicTV Challenge: two words: communion wine
  • The Gong Show. Tell me Chuck Barris didn’t pop a few back before appearing. g’head.

Ole Pat and Vanna just went up a notch in my book now that the truth is out. Just hope Vanna doesn’t contradict Pat. I’ll be watching the innerwebs for clips from the old Wheel of Fortune.

 

 

Geeky Animated Gif Monday – Star Trek Moobs