I knew it wouldn’t take long for Dou Lobbs to take after me, the old buzzard. To avoid further controversy about my birthplace, I am publishing – for the first time – my Kenyan birth certificate to keep the birthers at bay.

You will have to click to enlarge to read the faded document – after all Kenyan birther certificates aren’t printed on the best paper. The typewriter used to fill out by Kenyan birther document needed a new ribbon too.

Remember that? Changing typewriter ribbons? Before cartridges? Fingers would get all smudged with ink and you itch your face and walk around all day and nobody tells you “there is a black smudge on your face.” Or what that just me?

(clickify to explode)

Here are some other moments of “duh”:

• Forbes says Air Force Academy top school: Duh. Takes a congressional appointment, you can’t drink or do drugs, no long hair,guaranteed a job afterwards, and eventually you are a General.
• Brad Pitt says “No” to Angelina: Duh. He has the perfect reason. He tells Angie, if gays can’t marry, then I won’t marry you. It’s the activist/protest avoidance.
• Big party when Paula Abdul said she wasn’t returning: Duh. She’s a star. They aren’t. It’s just jealousy. Paula will be have regular weekly appearances on Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The View, Jon & Kate + 9, and Sponge Bob.
• Lots o’ Rumors on Paula’s replacement: Duh. There is Kirstie Alley and moi at the top, then Diana Ross, Victoria Beckham, Natalie Cole, Allee Willis, Mrs. Butterworth and Rosanne auditioning in case Kirstie and I can’t make the deal.

60 Out

The Junk Drawer Blog is goofing off somewhere this week, but she left an assignment for her commenters. She stole a comment game from Comedy Plus.

The Junk Drawer Blog is fun, but whoooo boy, her commenters are just so vanilla, so white bread, so unimaginative.

Here’s how SHE explained the Comment Game.

It’s very simple. I start the game off by listing two words or phrases, like waffles or pancakes, and you pick the one you like better. You can explain why if you like.

She started with Twitter or Facebook. Nice start, but OMG, her commenters responded with choices like:

• Mac or PC
• Coffee or Tea
• Boxers or Briefs
• Peanut Butter or Jelly

I. am. NOT. kidding. And it goes on for over 100 comments.

I played too, here were my choice:

• Po or Laa Laa – which the next person said they didn’t have a clue about. Dur, Hello Google? So I came back with…
• Clarabelle or Crusty – which the next poster didn’t know, but chose Clarabelle because it was a nice name! OMG, puh-leeze! My final entry, before I decided to hijack this idea was…
• Simon Cowell or Simon & Shuster. The next commenter chose Simon Cowell because she hadn’t heard of “the other one.”

LISTEN UP. Here’s the deal. I am taking over this idea.

There is a big prize involved.

A wonderful Marilyn Monroe shirt from the wonderful people at TeesForAll.com. I wanted a gift certificate from TeaseForMe.com, but haven’t heard back. TeesforAll.com is not doing this because they like me, they want to sell you some Tee shirts. Surprise. Surprise. Surprise. They have a really cool Stones shirt, and some other Boomer targeted stuff.

WIN THIS SHIRT

No, it doesn’t have to be the Marilyn Monroe baby-doll with pink stripes, unless you want it. And then I want a picture of you in it.

HERE’S HOW WE’RE GONNA PLAY:

It’s kind of like the The Junk Drawer Blog contest, BUT, the combinations need to be weird, arcane, tricky, smart, obscure, clever, whatever. (Like my examples! )

AND: you must explain why you chose the word you did, to avoid miscellaneous fakery.

After a while, I’ll close the comments and then we will vote on the best combination.  Finalists may be contacted to provide a full and complete explanation of their word combinations so you can’t fake it easily.

Got it? Good.

Here is my combination, you take it from here:

Sky King or Enola Gay?

Contrary to a lot of other boomers, Nancy and I are blowing it.

We’re spending money.

Remember the bumper sticker on the back of the oversized motor home… We’re Spending Our Kids Inheritance…  There never was an inheritance for our kids. So my bumper sticker would have read, We Spent All We Have.

A few years ago, I thought maybe, if I caught a good break, there could possibly be enough in our piggy bank to retire on when I was Going Like Seventy. Yeah, we caught the same break all baby boomers did.

Poof! El-vapo-rato.

Our solution is simple, and you should follow our lead. Spend money. Frivolously. Buy stuff you don’t need, but want. Nancy will start drawing Social Security this summer.

We’ll blow it.

We just bought a 50 inch TeeVee, hopefully the Smart car will be arriving soon, and we’re going to Boston in June.

The Lost Girls are tempting Boomers to take off with deals like these from American Airlines:

Los Angeles – Los Cabos, Mexico: $75
Miami – Aruba: $135
Dallas/Fort Worth – Monterrey, Mexico: $142
Miami – St. Croix, U.S.V.I.: $156
New York Kennedy – London Heathrow, England: $196
Los Angeles – London Heathrow, England: $203
New York Kennedy – Brussels, Belgium: $210
Dallas/Fort Worth – Paris Charles de Gaulle, France: $277
Miami – Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: $337
Miami – Sao Paulo, Brazil: $337
New York City – Buenos Aires, Argentina: $350
Chicago O’Hare – Shanghai, China; $351
New York Kennedy – Tokyo Narita, Japan: $425
Dallas/Fort Worth – Buenos Aires, Argentina: $497

Book by 3/10 at AA.com.

You can thank me when you get home.

Or we may just move to Costa Rica. I wonder how long it would take to drive there? Can you get there without driving through Mexico? Mexico scares me anymore.

I think I feel another international vacation coming on.

While you were away, two important anniversaries came around and you didn’t even make plans to pop a cork or pop a top did you! Two defining moments for Boomers everywhere, and because I wasn’t at my computer to hound you, you would have just let them slip past on your calendar with no fanfare. I should make you all turn in your Boomer Cards immediately.

• The seamless Aluminum beer can will be 50 years old this month. Before fine people at Coors introduced the seamless aluminum can, we were forced to drink from tin cans with a seam. Heavy, man. Heavier, man. It’s no wonder Boomer boys are less physically fit, it would take twice as many aluminum cans to equal the weight of the tin can. Pumping iron indeed. Boomers invented it: we called it pumping tin.

That can ultimately spelled the demise of the tin beverage can developed in the mid-1800s. Industry officials say the development of the Coors aluminum can forever changed the way people drink beer and other beverages.

Needless to say while one industry died, two others sprang springed sprung to take it’s place: the sheet aluminum business and the recycling of aluminum business.

But of course we really know that it’s what’s inside that is truly recyclable.

The Mac was the first computer for many Boomers where one could actually focus on being productive rather than learning how to make an application actually work! I won’t rant and rave about Apple and how it sucks that it isn’t the dominant computer in the whole world. Bill Gates is a Prick.

But this was a defining moment in marketing -

Happy Anniversary Seamless Beer Cans and Apple Macintosh. I’ve learned to live without both. But it was fun back in the day!

Nancy has a birthday today, making her an older woman for a few months. If you have the inclination, bip over to her blog and smart off in the comments.

I’m pretty satisified with the gifts I have for her. No big surprises, but she’ll like them. (She is very good at dropping very pointed hints.)
But if I was still in the shopping mood, I’d be tempted to buy her this poster.