Archive for the 'Childhood' Category

Sunday Stealing: I Peed My Pants

Published on May 20, 2012 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Cars, Childhood, Costa Rica, Empty Nesters, Family, Holy Shit! Lookit This!, kentucky, Random, Sunday Stealing, Technology and Writing. 0 Comments Tags: .


Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part One

1. Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Full throttle empty my bladder peeing? No. Leakage? Yes. Carbonated drinks really do me in. One time I was trying to making it home from a day of kayaking and just. couldn’t. hold. it. I leaked. But I totally relieved myself in the yard. It’s good to be the guy. BTW: in Costa Rica, it is very common to see cab drivers and truckers peeing alongside the road. Very.
2. Who do you have a celebrity crush on now? I share a crush with St. Todd deCubbville on Sofia Vergara. Just looked at her website and I’ll probably be spending more time there. I also like Kim Spradlin the winner of Survivor: One World.
3. Would you date someone you met online?
No looking, but I know at least two couples my age that met online. So, yeah.
4. Do you wear underwear always?
No. You don’t want to know more, right?
5. Do you hate yourself at times?
No.
7. Do you like dirty movies?
Well, “dirty”? Raunchy, racy yes.
8. Could you believe Josha Ledet was voted off Idol?
Who? We didn’t watch one episode for the last two seasons.
9. When was the last time that you bought a car?
That would be the Dodge Magnum Station Wagon Kayak Hauler
10. Have you ever been camping?
Yes, a lot when I was a kid. We guys from the neighborhood would load up a small hay trailer and hook it to the back of the John Deere and off we would go to a local river, forest or lake.
My parents like to camp too, so we took a lot of camping vacations. As an adult, I took a hiatus because Nanc’ also camped as a kid and hated it. My last camp-out was an overnighter on the Barren River whilst kayaking.
11. How many times a day do you go on facebook?
Three.
12. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
I Don’t Know, starring Can’t Remember and I Forget. It’s been at least two years.
13. Have you ever worried that you’d cut off a limb?
Many times. Assuming you meant a body part. I draw blood a lot when hacking the greenery.
14. Where did you get your last email from?
 65.111.175.195
15. Favorite website?
16. Are you down with ghetto?
I don’t know what that means
17. Will the world end in fire or ice?
Icy Hot
18. Do you believe in the afterlife?
No.
19. Would you be upset if facebook stopped working?
No. It would be a good thing for all of humanity.
20. How did you start your blog?
How or why? How? I use WordPress, Bluehost.com and GoDaddy.com

The Little Girls Like Me

Published on May 15, 2012 in Baby Boomer, Childhood and Costa Rica. 0 Comments

For some reason, the little girls like me. To a grumpy old man (which I CAN be) this can be rather off-putting. It’s been a long long time since our girls were this little. But we made some pretty good memories at the time and I think I made some good memories with the two latest young girls in my life.

A while back Abby came to visit from Tennessee along with her Granny who is raising her. Abby is eight. We had a great time while she was here, mostly because she isn’t your normal 8 year old girl. (Is there such a thing?)  Abby didn’t bug me, she didn’t whine, she wasn’t demanding, she loved to help – and she followed directions. Remember the line from On Golden Pond?

What’s the point of having a dwarf if they don’t do chores?

 


When Abby was around the hardest thing for me was finding chores for her. She can’t mow the lawn or clean the gutters, so she was the designated pool-cleaner.

Now Nazareth, the 7 year old daughter of our housecleaner, has taken a liking to me.  I put her to work running some Spanish flashcards by Nancy. She shows Nancy the card with a word and then pronounces it very slowly. Amarillo is AH-MA-REE-JO. She surprised us by then saying Yellow.  I guess she’s been holding out on us that she knows some English. Not uncommon, just as we are reluctant to use Spanish, many Spanish speakers are hesitant to use English.

Today, she sat with me at the table and colored in her Little Mermaid book. She gave me a refresher course in Spanish of the colors.

When I got tired of that I started her pool-cleaning internship.

She should be in school. Hanging around me she’ll only pick up bad habits.

I started her tutorial on pool-cleaning.

SIR-BAY-SAH.

Attention Birthers: I Am Kenyan. Other Moments of “Duh”

Published on August 6, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Birthdays, Childhood, Entertainment and Politics. 1 Comment Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

I knew it wouldn’t take long for Dou Lobbs to take after me, the old buzzard. To avoid further controversy about my birthplace, I am publishing – for the first time – my Kenyan birth certificate to keep the birthers at bay.

You will have to click to enlarge to read the faded document – after all Kenyan birther certificates aren’t printed on the best paper. The typewriter used to fill out by Kenyan birther document needed a new ribbon too.

Remember that? Changing typewriter ribbons? Before cartridges? Fingers would get all smudged with ink and you itch your face and walk around all day and nobody tells you “there is a black smudge on your face.” Or what that just me?
kenyanbirthcertificate
(clickify to explode)

Here are some other moments of “duh”:

  • Forbes says Air Force Academy top school: Duh. Takes a congressional appointment, you can’t drink or do drugs, no long hair,guaranteed a job afterwards, and eventually you are a General.
  • Brad Pitt says “No” to Angelina: Duh. He has the perfect reason. He tells Angie, if gays can’t marry, then I won’t marry you. It’s the activist/protest avoidance.
  • Big party when Paula Abdul said she wasn’t returning: Duh. She’s a star. They aren’t. It’s just jealousy. Paula will be have regular weekly appearances on Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The View, Jon & Kate + 9, and Sponge Bob.
  • Lots o’ Rumors on Paula’s replacement: Duh. There is Kirstie Alley and moi at the top, then Diana Ross, Victoria Beckham, Natalie Cole, Allee Willis, Mrs. Butterworth and Rosanne auditioning in case Kirstie and I can’t make the deal.

60 Out

Hollie Steel Gets Crushed by Britian’s Got Talent

Published on May 30, 2009 in Childhood and Entertainment. 0 Comments

Hollie Steel was crushed by the pressure of Britain’s Got Talent and dissolved into tears and could not finish her performance.

Hollie Steel in the end was voted through by the judges over Welsh waiter Greg Pritchard.

Hollie was in the middle of her performance as nerves caused her voice to waver and eventually she broke into tears.

10 year old Hollie Steel ran from the stage to her mother’s arms who was waiting near the judges. She begged the judges to let her start again and when denied broke into sobs.

Hollie Steel was saved by steel-hearted Simon Cowell who vowed to let the child audition again.

‘I don’t care how we do it but we will find the time somewhere (on the show) to let you audition again.’

This is the first time Hollie Steel had performed without dancing, choosing to sing Edelweiss.

Who’s at fault for Hollie Steel’s on stage breakdown?

Betting odds for final (Ladbrokes):
Susan Boyle 5/6
Aidan Davis 7/2
Shaheen Jafargholi 9/1
Stavros Flatley 10/1
Julian Smith 14/1
Diversity 16/1
Hollie Steel 33/1

Inspired by Mozart, Now Working on My Julia Dales Beatboxing

Published on May 23, 2009 in Cars, Childhood, Education and Entertainment. 1 Comment Tags: , , .


I have a long way to go before I can match 17 year old Julia Dales with her beatboxing unplugged.

If you have kids, you remember all the “sing along” noises they made in the backseat before iPods and everybody had to listen to the radio or CD player in the car?

Julia Dales is a throwback to those wonderful days of yesteryear.

I’m pretty good with making simultaneous noises from different orifices, but Julia Dales needs to be the World Beat Box Champion. Forever, retire the trophy.

This cute little girl is sitting in the backseat, probably in the school parking lot, and she just seems to riff this amazing beat box rhythm.

I want to be the 70 year old version of Julia Dales – at least when it comes to beatboxing. I’m starting practice this weekend.