Archive for the 'Entertainment' Category

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Attention Birthers: I Am Kenyan. Other Moments of “Duh”

Published on August 6, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Birthdays, Childhood, Entertainment and Politics. 1 Comment Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

I knew it wouldn’t take long for Dou Lobbs to take after me, the old buzzard. To avoid further controversy about my birthplace, I am publishing – for the first time – my Kenyan birth certificate to keep the birthers at bay.

You will have to click to enlarge to read the faded document – after all Kenyan birther certificates aren’t printed on the best paper. The typewriter used to fill out by Kenyan birther document needed a new ribbon too.

Remember that? Changing typewriter ribbons? Before cartridges? Fingers would get all smudged with ink and you itch your face and walk around all day and nobody tells you “there is a black smudge on your face.” Or what that just me?
kenyanbirthcertificate
(clickify to explode)

Here are some other moments of “duh”:

  • Forbes says Air Force Academy top school: Duh. Takes a congressional appointment, you can’t drink or do drugs, no long hair,guaranteed a job afterwards, and eventually you are a General.
  • Brad Pitt says “No” to Angelina: Duh. He has the perfect reason. He tells Angie, if gays can’t marry, then I won’t marry you. It’s the activist/protest avoidance.
  • Big party when Paula Abdul said she wasn’t returning: Duh. She’s a star. They aren’t. It’s just jealousy. Paula will be have regular weekly appearances on Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The View, Jon & Kate + 9, and Sponge Bob.
  • Lots o’ Rumors on Paula’s replacement: Duh. There is Kirstie Alley and moi at the top, then Diana Ross, Victoria Beckham, Natalie Cole, Allee Willis, Mrs. Butterworth and Rosanne auditioning in case Kirstie and I can’t make the deal.

60 Out

I’ll miss Paula Abdul

Published on August 5, 2009 in Baby Boomer and Entertainment. 3 Comments Tags: , .


I’ll miss Paula Abdul.

Watching her was a big part of American Idol. Paula Abdul was a fan, a cheerleader, a supporter, a spirited soul. She hardly had a bad thing to say about anybody – no matter how ridiculous their performance.

I’ll miss Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell’s constant harassing of the poor woman. He was merciless, but she took it in stride knowing that it made for great television.

When the “performers” weren’t entertaining, she would be. When the performers were entertaining, Paula was the first to jump to her feet and do that fakey “don’t-break-a-finger-nail-palms-together” applause.

Watching Paula Abdul was like watching:

  • George Bush at a press conference
  • a train wreck
  • Wipeout
  • Survivor
  • a child saying it’s first words
  • a drunk
  • an expert double-talker
  • Simon as a ventriloquist
  • the Hindenburg
  • a Tsunami of emotions
  • a bad fashion show
  • a good fashion show
  • infomercial for teeth whiteners
  • Evil Knievel
  • Scooby Doo on downers

I’ll miss Paula Abdul.  You never know what she would say or do next.

But Kara DeGuardYourOwn is pleasant to look at and highly qualified. I’m guessing she won’t be sitting beside Simon, I think she could take him in a catfight.

I’ll miss Paula Abdul.

Flash Mob Musicals: I Want.

Published on August 4, 2009 in Entertainment. 0 Comments Tags: , .


I’ll go through life never having seen a Flash Mob musical number.
Nuts.

It’s one of those “big city” events.
I am so jealous of anybody that gets to join in a Flash Mob musical.

I got wind last Friday that there was going to be a flash mob in Paris on Sunday, honoring Michael Jackson. For those who aren’t familiar, a flash mob is… well… I may just link to a few to show you (you might remember I linked to the Sound of Music flash mob in Belgium a while back). NOTE: I embedded the same video. Basically a lot of people, usually organized online, decide to get together at a specific location, and at a set time they all do the same thing simultaneously, then disperse. It’s a mob that occurs in a flash. Oh, and the public already at the location has no idea the mob is about to occur.

Here’s Anything Goes performed on the deck of the Intrepid… and following is a “how to” instruction video if you decide you need to produce and direct a Flash Mob musical number. (It includes how the Flash Mob on the Intrepid was accomplished in six hours!)
Will you invite me to be in your Flash Mob Musical?

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Apple Annouces the iTit

Published on July 30, 2009 in Entertainment and Technology. 6 Comments Tags: .


Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.

The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.

The iTit considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them…

manstaringatgazongas

UPDATE: On Brian’s suggestion, I checked to make sure the iTit was thoroughly tested. Here is a video of one of the tests.

UPDATE: Yanko Design has picked up on the iTit and offers this concept wireless mouse.

Erotic pleasure just took another techno turn and you can squarely blame the iTit for it. Deriving pleasure (rather inspiration) from Apple’s optical wireless mouse, the added feature to this design is tactile interaction with nipples! You read that right! A nipple provocatively beckons you to come and feel it…and responds to your caress as a joystick would.

UPDATE 2: For other concept iProducts: iShit, iBum, iBall, iCrotch, and Helena iVagina read this.

Conan Interprets Sarah Palin: Shatner Delivers

Published on July 28, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Education, Entertainment and Politics. 1 Comment Tags: , , , .

Sarah Palin is a poet.
She don’t know it,
her feet don’t show it.
But they sure are Longfellows.

(How old IS that ditty?)

Here is William Shatner delivering Sarah Palin’s speech in poetic mode as dictated by Conan.

…soaring through nature’s finest show.
Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun.
And then the extremes. In the winter time it’s the frozen road
that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty,
the cold though, doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?
And then in the summertime such extreme
summertime
about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter
than just some months ago, than just some months from now,
with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here,
Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life
teeming along the road that is north to the future.