Archive for the 'Food' Category

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Today We Play, What the Hell IS This?

Published on April 28, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Education, Food, Health, Research and Technology. 10 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .


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I’ll make it easy on you.

Three guesses what the design team members of John Takamura and Dosun Shin, College of Design faculty members, and Tamara Christensen and Dean Bacalzo, Master of Science in Design students at Arizona State University wasted their time designing to win some stupid “breaking rules” competition.

1.  Blue Man Groups latest musical instrument

2. Shrek’s Bidet

3. Yoga Toilet

Give up? I should make this a real contest but I want to embarrass the dumb asses listed above because they consider this a “transgenerational” innovation.

Read this crap…

appropriate aesthetics, design innovation, ecological responsibility and market and user benefits.

which is pure bullshit. They spent an entire semester, 15 weeks, to design this turd of a concept.

Yeah, it’s a a bunch of ca-ca all right.

#3.

The Flo™ toilet is an ergonomic, sustainable design concept for baby boomers that functions like a squat toilet. Designers maintain that using the Flo™ toilet is akin to yoga – by building and strengthening abdominal and back muscles.

Oh, yeah? Let me tell you about using a squat toilettes. Paris has a few public ones. I needed to go. I didn’t know it was a squat toilette (stoop and poop) until I had already deposited by 20 centavos, or whatever those tiny Paris/Euro coins are called.

sanisette
It was a self cleaning deal.  I’m inside, the door has slammed shut like Capone’s Vault and Geraldo is on the way. Then I see the hole in the floor.  I’ve got a turtle head going, so there is no turning back.

Poopsocking was not an option.

I try to squat, but a thoroughly osteoarthritic knee only bendable to about 120 degrees, keeps me hovering two feet above the four inch hole.

This affliction keeps my pants well in the line of fire.

I was sure as soon as I got half-naked, to get my pants out of harm’s way, the door would rotate open and the metro would have just arrived with a bunch of Japanese school children. (French kids wouldn’t bat a beret.)

So I leaned against the wall.

Luckily these self cleaning toilets are spotless. Otherwise the floor would have been slippery, my shoes would have slid and my butt would have hit the hole with my legs splayed out in front of me.

Which actually would have been a better in the long run.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details, you’re already way ahead of my story anyway. Downtown Julie Brown would have been proud of my creation.

Lemme tell ya, if any new toilet design comes around, let it be this one.

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Yeah, the one where I can make motorcycle noises and face a television screen.

Happy Friday! Almost Free Vodka From Walgreens

Published on April 24, 2009 in Advertising, Empty Nesters, Entertainment, Food and Shopping. 4 Comments Tags: .


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Walgreens has 360 Vodka, 1.75L Bottle on sale for $19.99 – $20 rebate = ($0.01).

Limit 2 bottles per rebate/per household.

“360 Vodka is crafted from a philosophy of eco-awareness. 4x Distilled and 5x Filtered for unrivaled character. It’s the finest vodka Earth has to offer.”

Well free vodka is always the finest vodka Earth has to offer.

360 VODKA is offering a $20.00 rebate.

Nancy is heading to Hotlanta for a big knitters confab. She may make a stop to stock up, I certainly am!

Rodenator: The Perfect Father’s Day Gift

Published on April 15, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Entertainment, Food and Shopping. 2 Comments Tags: , .


*Ahem,* child of mine who might be reading this, I am officially requesting the Rodenator as my Father’s Day Gift.

I am even offering financial support in your acquisition of the awesome Rodenator. The Sixty Explosive Stimulus we shall call it.

I don’t need one, we don’t have burrowing rodents.

I just want one.

Squirrels are rodents, we have squirrels, burrowing rodents must be cousins. Must kill all rodents in as violent manner as possible!

Explosions! Dirt flying! This. Is. Awesome.

rodenator

I would volunteer to take my Rodenator and do anybody’s yard. I would do all the local parks. If there was a hole in the ground I would insert my Rodenator and explode it.

This is the Father’s Day present every Father really wants. Really, really wants.

I understand the Spokane Humane Society is all up in arms about the possible use of the Rodenator on their rodents. Their disease ladden, ground bulging, mite ridden dirt rodents might die a painful death.

OK, in the spirit of the Obama’s, who promise to adopt a shelter dog, but instead gave money to the Humane Society, I will donate a nickel for every ground rat I kill to the local no-kill animal shelter.

Or, I will donate the exploded remains to the local food bank for rodent stew. It won’t be as good as Beaver Stew, but I don’t want to get wet killing beavers. Dirty? yes. More hearing loss? yes. Wet? nah.

Sixty, Rodenator Extraordinare, at your service. Have gas, will travel.

Fork You! No, Fork YOU. You Forker, Fork Off.

Published on April 10, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Blogging and Food. 2 Comments Tags: , , , , , .


What am I trying to say?

Listen up, you forkers…am I inviting people to eat at restaurants more often?

If I am the Colorado Restuarant Association, I am. They launched a new ad campaign inviting people to Fork The Recession.

Well Fork this CRA: We know what you really meant to say. So either say it, or pick another slogan. The forkin’ forker Governor Bill Ritter and forkin’ Denver mayor John Hickenlooper (bwaahahaa… Hickenlooper!) support the campaign.

We invite every family to take some time after church every Sunday to Fork Off. During the week, find a day that you all can fork together!

Of course, the restaurant biz paints a mother-forkin’ rosy picture of how important they are to the forkin’ economy.
forkrecession-b

The attention-getting tagline is a lead-in to convey that patronizing restaurants feeds the local economy in significant ways that people might not normally consider, says CRA President and CEO Pete Meersman. The state’s restaurant industry employs about 234,000 people and contributes $570 million annually in state and local taxes that support critical government services, he points out. Furthermore, farmers and other businesses are reliant on restaurants, and restaurants are local businesses that are major contributors to community projects and charities.

Aren’t these the same people that pay ten cents an hour and we pay most of their wages? And don’t these forker’s just take 10% of our money and give it to charity? Or sell us a paper cut out of a shoe and transfer the dough to the charity?

Fork the news!

“We came up with this as a way to tell people to turn off the national news and get out and visit a restaurant,” says Meersman. “We want people to realize that every dollar spent on dining out turns into $1.30 in spending in other businesses. And conversely, that not eating out means less money for the services they rely on, and might mean that a local restaurant can’t afford to buy uniforms for the youth baseball team or sponsor a charity.”

Let’s get focused here people: if you have a great deal on a pizza and call it a BFD, it’s not a Big Forkin’ Deal. If you want to have people change their attitudes about eating at a restaurant, don’t tell them to Fork it.

And while I’m at it, I think this Sponge Bob commercial is just wrong. Burger King singing about the butts of women to sell hamburgers?

Ah fork it, I guess I’m out of touch. I’m not “urban.”

The fake midget on a tractor is supposed to appeal to me: “rural.”

I Try to Be Pleasant, but They Keep Fouling Up.

Published on April 1, 2009 in Education, Food, Health, Money and Shopping. 0 Comments


I don’t want to be known as a sourpuss. Nancy yells at me all the time because I don’t say “thank you” to the Dairy Queen drive through person when they hand me my large chocolate milkshake and say “there you go.” I have yet to convince her that “there you go” 1. does not require a response, and 2. they don’t give a shit what I say.

I’m better at Target. As a matter of fact, I was down right giddy when two (2!) clerks asked if they could help me find something. Usually they just walk around with their walkie-talkies blaring out “Golden Security level nine” or “All available checkers to the front” or “I’ve looked in the warehouse and we’re out.” I was nice to them, I think I even smiled.

Saturday was free sample day at the liquor store. We had some other chores to run and we were headed home when I remembered the free samples. I made Nancy turn the car around and go back to the store.

Upon entering, the conversation went like this:
Geezer behind counter (GBC): Hi, may I help you find something?
Geezer on other side of counter (GOOSOC): Yes, where are the samples?
GBC: what?
GOOSOC: the free samples?
GBC: staples?
GOOSOC: no, you are having free samples today right?
Punk Behind Counter And GBC at the same time: yes, samples of wine, back, she is back there, with wine.
GOOSOC: what? (then I just followed where they pointed.)

I stopped and stared at the Bourbons. I made a mental note of some that I’ll give a go soon.

Nancy was admiring some fancy bottles, but eventually we made our way back to the wine tasting area. There were some chips and cheese so we helped ourselves. The sampler lady was busy, busy, busy – talking to one other couple. She ignored us. Never glanced our way.

Meh, didn’t need their free wine anyway so we left.

On the trip home I realized I was coming down with a cold and the local meth lab was out of Sudafed so we stopped at CVS.

I need Sudafed – the real stuff. Not Sudafed OTC. In Kentucky the meth makers have cornered the market on Sudafed and forced it behind the pharmacy counter. Because I was feeling crappy (lack of free wine) I asked the lonely pharmacist what he would recommend for a snot trickle giving me an itchy throat. He said Zyrtec.

After many minutes of looking over hundreds of boxes and bottles, I found Zyrtec which is an allergy medicine. I trudged back to the counter, asked lonely pharmacist if I understood him right. “This is for allergies,” said I. “I need something to make my nose run because if I don’t my sinus membranes swell and hang below my nostrils.”

I told him I used Sudafed in the past, was the good stuff still available? By this time, underpaid pharmacy tech was heading for the Sudafed lock box and got me what I needed.

I had to sign a release to buy the Sudafed. I have filled prescriptions for morphine drip without a release. I only bought one box. Because the cops can’t handle the meth makers, I have to sign a release? For one box?

I try to be nice, I know it makes me more attractive, but they keep fouling it up.